Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not speak to my husband over Brexit!

414 replies

telvg · 30/08/2019 22:38

So does anyone virtually want a divorce because their partner agrees with No Deal? I feel like telling my husband, when we have no money and food prices are sky high, or if someone we know can’t get medicine they need, that it’s his fault for supporting Brexit and No Deal. I don’t understand why people are so short sighted and can’t see the bigger picture. Everyone my age (mid 40s) and younger, who went to University, is anti Brexit, or at least anti No Deal. Even the most staunch, Middle Class over 60s, don’t support No Deal. The only ones who do, appear to be uneducated, ignorant or racist, homophonic, sexist etc type people. So why does my husband agree with it? I feel he’s not the man I married. So am I being unreasonable to feel this way?

OP posts:
greentheme23 · 31/08/2019 06:52

What strikes me is that leave voters seem to have a superficial view of politics and therefore can just shrug it off. This reflects the fact that they responded superficially to the information they were given at the time '350 million for the NHS'crap. Hence they could just carry on and be happy with a non leave voting DH.
That's my view. Flame away!

Chocolatehat · 31/08/2019 07:00

You have bigger problems in your marriage if you are comparing him to other friends unfavourably. Are you always keen to do the popular thing? Trump is very popular, do you like him?

ForalltheSaints · 31/08/2019 07:03

Hopefully (here's hoping) enough MPs will get together and in a week or so, No Deal will be off the table.

Beesandcheese · 31/08/2019 07:07

Isn't it amazing how online there are these educated, welcoming leave supporters but in real life theyre you're basic Daily Mail readers?! Grin

tomtom1999xx · 31/08/2019 07:21

It’s also amazing that in RL every single remainer I know ( & I know loads ) are just getting on with their lives without all this hysteria. They hardly ever mention brexit.
I guess it’s only online people talk about it eh? Smile

expatinspain · 31/08/2019 07:27

I don't discuss Brexit with the few close friends or family who voted leave. However, I only know one person who wants a no deal and they are a friend who I don't see very much anymore, so apart from the odd thing they post on FB I don't have to avoid the discussion too much. It's really not worth falling out with someone you love. People have different opinions, political views etc, just avoid the topic and agree to disagree.

PhilCornwall1 · 31/08/2019 07:27

So a question for people who would say they would think less of or leave their partner/husband/wife if they voted a different way to them, because essentially that's what it is....

If they told you that the way they voted was private and wouldn't tell you, what would you do?

Jimdandy · 31/08/2019 07:31

@edwinbear

I agree with you. I am sick of remainers (and labour voters) assuming their opinions and ideologies are superior.

That’s not how democracy works!

When conservative got in some labour supporters I know we’re livid 😠

TigsytheTiger · 31/08/2019 07:37

My DP voted leave and I voted remain. We've listened to each other's views and agree to disagree. He's worked in the City for 30 plus years and is most certainly not stupid or ignorant. He just has a different political outlook to me.

However, we have a million other things in common that cement our relationship. One bring mutual respect for knowing our own minds and having our own thoughts.

TigsytheTiger · 31/08/2019 07:38

Being not bring Confused

pinkstripeycat · 31/08/2019 07:40

I work with a lot of people who are now UK citizens and not originally from the UK. Romanian, German, Bulgarian, West Africa , Italian, S African. Men and women. Speaking 2-3 languages. They all voted leave. They are not racist or sexist or uneducated.

PotatoShape · 31/08/2019 07:41

However it seems likely that the biggest arseholes, racists, bigots of this country are pro-Brexit so i’d rather be on the other side

Hitler was a vegetarian, and loved animals. Does that make vegetarianism and loving animals morally wrong?

Orchidflower1 · 31/08/2019 07:41

However, we have a million other things in common that cement our relationship. One bring mutual respect for knowing our own minds and having our own thoughts.

Spot on tigsy

Trebla · 31/08/2019 07:42

@edwinbear

Can you tell me why you support no deal?

I need some reassurance and you come across as someone who might be able to provide some insight that I havent thought about. I'm being genuine in my request. Thanks

tomtom1999xx · 31/08/2019 07:46

Just think.....in a few short years brexit will hardly be mentioned.
The left will have to invent a new topic to vent all their anger.

ArianaCandelabra · 31/08/2019 07:48

If they told you that the way they voted was private and wouldn't tell you, what would you do?

I wouldn't have a problem with this - I don't think my husband is obliged to tell me his political views.

You find out your dentist, hairdresser, optician, butcher and the solicitor you’re using to divorce your dh all voted to leave.

Do you end up with toothache, split ends, unclear vision, vegetarian and still married to your leave voter husband or do you accept it’s not the 1930s and people are allowed to rub along together with differing opinions.

These things are not the same. I'm happy for the people who provide services to me to have different political opinions to me (up to a limit - I wouldn't go to an optician who I knew to be a member of the BNP, for instance.

But my political beliefs are a huge part of who I am. If I found out that my spouse held beliefs that fundamentally contradicted mine, I would find that difficult. I don't know why we have to pretend that political beliefs are a superficial thing that shouldn't be a decisive factor in a relationship.

I can't respect anyone who is in favour of no deal because I think it shows a wilful disregard for the absolute devastation it would wreak on the most vulnerable in this country. I don't believe anyone who can turn their back on that fact is worthy of respect. If my husband felt that way I couldn't respect him, and I don't believe love can survive without respect.

derxa · 31/08/2019 07:53

I think you should join your friends and sit in a road or wave a blue flag with stars on it pretending to cry when interviewed on television and leave him to enjoy some peace and quiet Grin

SegregateMumBev · 31/08/2019 07:55

No Deal is meant to be a negotiating tactic, (as if this is a game of poker) ie it's so unthinkable that nobody in their right mind actually wants it.

Those who insisted it stay on the table was to force the EU to revisit their offer.

Totally ignoring the fact that the EU can read, and watch TV, and know exactly what we have in our poker hand.

How we've moved to some people actively supporting No Deal as an option is beyond my poor little brain cells. Unless it's all part of this giant bluff.

GhostofFrankGrimes · 31/08/2019 08:00

When Brexit bites and household incomes are squeezed/quality of life reduced the shit will hit the fan in split remain/leave households.

I don't think leave voters have comprehended the magnitude of their vote.

PurpleNewspaperGlass · 31/08/2019 08:03

It's shit OP. What helped me was to investigate how I can financially benefit from no deal Brexit. Which companies to invest in etc. Makes me feel slightly more in control although I'm still hoping (wishing?) that we'll just remain in the eu or at least have an orderly exit.

greenlavender · 31/08/2019 08:04

@telvg - honestly OP, I'm a die hard Remainer, but your post is horrible & quite ignorant. That's why our country is so divided when we can't have a civil discussion without judging.

Meadowland · 31/08/2019 08:12

@Trebla I'm afraid you're wasting your time. I and many others have asked Leave supporters over and over to give just one concrete example of how their life will be better in a No Deal Brexit.
Never had a response...
And they will believe BJ's pledge to give 14 billion to education.
He should put that on the side of a double decker bus just to prove he means it.......

PostNotInHaste · 31/08/2019 08:13

I would have probably divorced over Brexit. My Dad is a strong Leaver but he is my Dad, that’s a different relationship and we just work round the difference in opinion.

We’ve all got different things we look for in a partner and politics happens to be one important to me. If DH would have voted to leave and be supporting No Deal, that would have ended my marriage. I could not be with him knowing his views are going to cause our DD to emigrate.

twofingerstoEverything · 31/08/2019 08:15

So, this is another thread where Leavers assert that they support no deal (yay!) but never say why they do/what the benefits are, and posters like tom (and others) equate remainers with being on the left, despite Brexit not being a party political issue (as anyone who has kept up with current affairs since June 2016 would know).

People voting Leave are one thing; people supporting no-deal are another, given that the government's own predictions (Yellowhammer) are so dire. Who would want to be in a relationship, let alone a marriage, with someone who is in favour of wreaking mayhem - particularly on the most vulnerable in society?

Idontwanttotalk · 31/08/2019 08:16

@telvg
"Everyone my age (mid 40s) and younger, who went to University, is anti Brexit, or at least anti No Deal."
Everyone? Really?

"Even the most staunch, Middle Class over 60s, don’t support No Deal."
How can you possibly know that?

"The only ones who do, appear to be uneducated, ignorant or racist, homophonic, sexist etc type people."
These 3 comments are sweeping generalisations, you have stereotyped and judged people you don't even know and you are referring to their lack of education and ignorance?

Swipe left for the next trending thread