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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not speak to my husband over Brexit!

414 replies

telvg · 30/08/2019 22:38

So does anyone virtually want a divorce because their partner agrees with No Deal? I feel like telling my husband, when we have no money and food prices are sky high, or if someone we know can’t get medicine they need, that it’s his fault for supporting Brexit and No Deal. I don’t understand why people are so short sighted and can’t see the bigger picture. Everyone my age (mid 40s) and younger, who went to University, is anti Brexit, or at least anti No Deal. Even the most staunch, Middle Class over 60s, don’t support No Deal. The only ones who do, appear to be uneducated, ignorant or racist, homophonic, sexist etc type people. So why does my husband agree with it? I feel he’s not the man I married. So am I being unreasonable to feel this way?

OP posts:
Calledyoulastnightfromglasgow · 01/09/2019 12:10

Gosh you sound awfully judgey.

You probably don’t know how your “like minded” friends even voted. Don’t assume anything!

My best friend and I - both highly educated - near top in our uni years, professionals, both voted Leave. Both feel the threat of No Deal essential.

Neither of us tell people how we voted. We just smile and nod!

Your husband probably thinks you are a self righteous PITA and I would probably agree

ChocChocButtons · 01/09/2019 12:12

You are an incredible ignorant person, The things you’ve written in your OP are frankly prejudice and untrue.

mummmy2017 · 01/09/2019 12:18

The OP is scared.
I bet they worry over things and like to plan.
In this case the only flesh and bloody person they know who voted in their mind to cause this is their partner, and so unfortunately that is who is being the whipping boy.
Maybe be the OP can focus instead on the people who could have saved them and decided not to vote.
Remember it was the whole person you fell for, and look for the things you do love about the man you married.

Calledyoulastnightfromglasgow · 01/09/2019 12:20

Scared?!

Grow the fuck up to be honest.

mummmy2017 · 01/09/2019 12:29

Worrying about no money and prices going up.... They are scared.

Melliphant · 01/09/2019 12:46

So at the moment it's 42@ YABU and 58% YANBU. And remainers think that they're the reasonable, sane ones?

Eeyoreshouse · 01/09/2019 12:56

User344772734481882445

Atmos - I used to work in academics (still do a bit), but I largely now work in the public sector and have a fair bit to do with the prisons and courts. A significant number of cases referred to European court are over-ruled with Europe going against the view of the UK government. When you work with this and face it as part of your job, and when you invest a lot in the decisions of the UK courts and then see these decisions overturned by a system that does not understand the intricacies of UK law and the UK judicial system, and what works for the UK, it's incredibly frustrating. When democracy touches you in your daily work it feels more real and the Democratic arguments related to Europe become more illuminated

Interesting because EU law has very little involvement with UK criminal law so can you give a specific example where the EU Court of Justice has over-ruled a UK court criminal ruling please?

AtmosClock · 01/09/2019 13:06

So at the moment it's 42@ YABU and 58% YANBU. And remainers think that they're the reasonable, sane ones?

The thing is, the OP is actually asking two questions

  1. Is she unreasonable to not want to talk to her husband as he supports no deal?
  2. Is she unreasonable to feel that he isn't the man she married as he supports no deal?

Some are going further to interpret it as
3) Is she unreasonable to (want to) divorce her husband as he supports no deal?

How you interpret the question in the OP will result in mixed responses.

Jade218 · 01/09/2019 13:24

YABU and ignorant actually - people might want a no deal brexit for a variety of reasons and to generalise everyone is pretty low OP

twofingerstoEverything · 01/09/2019 14:03

Middle class people voted to remain so they and their children could work across Europe. Working class people voted to leave so they and their children could work - think about it!

What an inane and prejudiced assertion.

twofingerstoEverything · 01/09/2019 14:08

I would never call someone who voted remain 'scum' or 'ignorant' or any other derogatory terms. Why do people feel they have the right to say these things to me ?

For the same reason that some Beleavers find it okay to use terms like 'remoaner/snowflake/libtard' etc. Some people are just arseholes. I am more concerned that some people (generally not Remainers) think it's okay use language like 'traitors/collaborators' frankly.

Aderyn19 · 01/09/2019 14:21

The irony of using the term 'Beleaver' in a post saying that using the term 'remoaner' is arsehole behaviour!

fortunatelynot · 01/09/2019 14:24

@Dapplegrey. The statement you quoted from another poster has quite rightly been removed from this thread. There have been so many hideous insults thrown at Leave Voters by Remainers on mumsnet which show a vile side of some people who disagree with Brexit.

Dapplegrey · 01/09/2019 14:30

Fortunately - yes there are some vile insults. Just as bad is the sneering and laughing between themselves at various leave posters.

AtmosClock · 01/09/2019 14:32

I do think there is something that a many leavers have a victim mentality. There are some horrible things said online, but it has gone both ways. This thread has generally been a chance for reasonable discussion, with a few nasty comments that have been removed.

That said, I would still like to see more recognition from the leavers that a lot of the ugliness stems from a populist and divisive campaign. It seems a bit disingenuous to then complain about polarisation and division.

fortunatelynot · 01/09/2019 14:40

Why would leavers have a 'victim mentality'??? Because they complain about being labelled as racists, bigots and worse? Really?
That does not make them victims, it simply makes them stand up for inexcusable behaviour.
I think time would be better spent on wondering why Remainers feel it is ok to say such things, why they think that a democratic result which for many was uncomfortable is now an excuse to hurl such damning insults, why Remainers with supposedly liberal views insist on categorising others in such a way and why they engage in such dichotomous thinking to the extent they they truly believe they are morally and intellectually superior to those who voted Leave.

I have come across no 'Leave' victims (after all, they won the referendum) but instead Leavers who are fed up of Remain behaviour.

Amara123 · 01/09/2019 14:48

Absolutely Atmos.
I've seen newspaper headlines calling remainers traitors, constant use of the term "remoaner", "libtard", "undemocratic' etc. I've seen an equal amount of derision from the remainer side too. But it's simply disingenuous to assert that one side has been a victim and one the aggressor.
I will say that the right wing press overall (which is the majority of your press in the UK) has been extremely aggressive in its coverage of remainers.

AtmosClock · 01/09/2019 14:50

Why would leavers have a 'victim mentality'??? Because they complain about being labelled as racists, bigots and worse? Really?

Yes, really. Along with the leavers, who politically, are getting their way, many EU citizens have lost their right to remain, we have seen an uptick in racist attacks and rhetoric. For every leaver called a horrible name, we hear snowflake, collaborator, citizens of nowhere, etc. Leavers by and large are not the victims here.

I think time would be better spent on wondering why Remainers feel it is ok to say such things, why they think that a democratic result which for many was uncomfortable is now an excuse to hurl such damning insults, why Remainers with supposedly liberal views insist on categorising others in such a way and why they engage in such dichotomous thinking to the extent they they truly believe they are morally and intellectually superior to those who voted Leave

Yes, polarisation and division are terrible things. And while I don't blame you personally, do you not appreciate that it was largely the forces of leave that set about to create a culture of division?

AtmosClock · 01/09/2019 14:55

Just in case you forgot.

jasjas1973 · 01/09/2019 15:10

Yes everyone goes on about deal no deal, remain or leave but the real damage is the division.
I think should no-deal prove to be costly, it will the middle classes (generally speaking voted remain) who will be asked to pay more in taxes to pay for this folly and then there is the young, they will not thank their parents generation for this, most young people see themselves as British but also as european but it is them who are being denied the freedoms we all had!
Oh and we will expect them to pay for our pensions and social care too.

I think we are heading for a period of resentment between the generations, not good!

ddl1 · 01/09/2019 15:26

I am a very strong Remainer, as is almost everyone in my family - we have mostly become more pro-EU as we have got older, rather than the reverse. But I don't think I'd want a divorce, or to go NC with a family member, or refuse to speak to someone just because of how they voted on this issue. If it's a symptom of something else, ranging from racism to a desire to make this world tougher for the 'snowflake' generations, then I would! Or if they were showing extreme disregard for my welfare (e.g. I was an EU citizen whose status in this country was imperilled). I think under the circumstances you describe I'd suggest that you just have an agreement with your husband not to discuss Brexit.

Lifecraft · 01/09/2019 16:22

I am NOT uneducated.
I am not ignorant
I am not racist
I am not homophobic
I am not sexist

I voted leave. It was a well thought out decision. I am NOT ignorant or racist.

Grrrrrrrrrrrr, When will you (some of you remainers) STOP tarring everyone that voted leave with the same brush.

Never. Every ignorant, uneducated, racist, sexist homophobe voted to leave. These are the people you chose to align yourself with. You got into bed with the dogs, so now you have fleas. Deal with it, just like I'm going to have to deal with leaving the EU.

Plasebeafleabite · 01/09/2019 16:35

Every ignorant, uneducated, racist, sexist homophobe voted to leave. These are the people you chose to align yourself with

Just popping back to say What Utter Bollocks

Do carry on everyone

Symptomless · 01/09/2019 16:46

My issue with leave vote, no matter how carefully thought and examined, is that it relied on having a government or parliament (even media to some extent) who care about the public. It seems so naive, especially as no plans were laid out for scrutiny before hand.

Aderyn19 · 01/09/2019 17:01

Lifecraft, you can personally vouch for the fact that no sexist, homophobe voted for remain? Or the racists who prefer EU immigration to the possibility of increased non EU immigration? You are confident about both the character and education level of all remain voters?

I think name calling is both childish and rude. But when leavers get the response that they are making it up, as Atmos literally said to me up thread with the following
This always sounds like I have a girlfriend, but she goes to another school, and she's away on holiday right now. I just don't believe it, it then seems a bit rich to claim that leavers have a victim mentality.
I think people who are told they are scum and should be eradicated because they exercised their legal right to an opinion, are entitled to feel victimised.
If the worst thing you've been called is a snowflake or remoaner, even traitor is not really comparable imo.