To not speak to my husband over Brexit!

[telvg]

So does anyone virtually want a divorce because their partner agrees with No Deal? I feel like telling my husband, when we have no money and food prices are sky high, or if someone we know can’t get medicine they need, that it’s his fault for supporting Brexit and No Deal. I don’t understand why people are so short sighted and can’t see the bigger picture. Everyone my age (mid 40s) and younger, who went to University, is anti Brexit, or at least anti No Deal. Even the most staunch, Middle Class over 60s, don’t support No Deal. The only ones who do, appear to be uneducated, ignorant or racist, homophonic, sexist etc type people. So why does my husband agree with it? I feel he’s not the man I married. So am I being unreasonable to feel this way?

@Aderyn19

But when leavers get the response that they are making it up, as Atmos literally said to me up thread with the following

That's not what I said (or at least meant). My comment was in relation to a common refrain that leavers give when asked to provide a reason for leaving the EU is to say they've already explained it.

I've literally acknowledged that leavers get called nasty names and I don't think it's good. But I also see that it works both ways. And I am sceptical about leavers who seem so upset about it, without acknowledging that they signed up to the movement that worked to engineer this division.

'Why would leavers have a 'victim mentality'???'

I don't think most do. The more unpleasant 'leave' comments tend to be at the opposite extreme: 'WE WON, SO SHUT UP!' I have come across comments - some from actual media; not just random individuals - that imply that Remainers are saboteurs, traitors, 'enemies of the people', that we must not complain or attempt to change things because we are going against the 'will of the people' (say 'will of the majority' if you must, but there is no uniform 'people' who must not be contradicted; Remainers and anti-No-Dealers are people too!) That any form of protest or demonstration is wrong and 'anti-democratic'. That politicians who oppose Brexit deserve violence and intimidation. Etc. I find it really really frightening.

And yes, some Remainers go way beyond decency too - I am thinking particularly of people who gloat viciously over job losses and other misfortunes in areas of the country where a majority voted for Brexit.

I think I'm going to bow out, but I just wanted to say one last thing.

I think somewhere, there may be some good reasons to vote leave (I'm not convinced, but I'm sympathetic so some of the concerns that people have about rapid cultural change, and decision-making bodies that we don't understand being far away).

However, Brexit has become a cipher issue for something bigger, something cultural, and it's why it's so divisive. There is a trend towards populism that is exemplified by Trump, Bolsonaro, Erdogan and Putin, and on the other side, there is a movement that supports multilateralism, social liberalism, and so on.

Brexit has come to be where you stand on that dividing line. And that dividing line is really serious, and on one side, the trend is quite ugly.

So it's why, I can understand an individual reason for leaving the EU, but for me, I can't ignore the bigger picture.

I know quite a fee people agree with the Norths, where, but the picture they paint is still unsupported by facts or evidence. And I'm afraid Pete North lost me when he said Brexit was going to be a disaster because Zmay had messed it up, but that it would do us good as a nation yo grow up because we're too immature. And we were all promised a glorious future by Leavers. Easiest trade deals in history. No downsides, only a considerable upside. Regain sovereignty and prosperity they said. Yeah, right.

And this is not directed at you, but Remainers get insulted every bit as much. I've been called an undemocratic cunt, an over-privileged bitch, I've been told to go and kill myself. Friends at Sodem have beenthreatened and spat at. On top of which we have seen precious rights and freedoms merrily voted away and bee sneered at for mi ding about this.

TBH I can see why your DH won't discuss Brexit with you.

Just look at the discourse of the debate....

Edwinbear so good to hear that. I'm sick of people telling us that we are ignorant, racist, fascist etc.
Nobody cares to look for the opportunities ahead.
Fortunately I'm married to a like minded, very intelligent man. Like you he studied economics and can speak French and Spanish like a native.
I'm an integrative counsellor only. We are both middle age and self made.
We are looking forward to a future as an independent nation.

Yes stop speaking to your husband over brexit. Here’s hoping he divorces you.

Nobody spells out the opportunities. Nobody says : the EU prevented you from trading with unnamed country and away from the EU we can and this will mean extra opportunities for your children. We trade with pretty much everywhere under terms negotiated by the EU that are extremely good because we benefit from the clout of being part of a market of 550 million as opposed to a market of 65 million. What are the opportunities that compensate for losing freedom of movements, having rights to healthcare and access to pensions in 27 other different countries? At present our children can go to university for free in the EU - how do you compensate them for that loss?

I've only spoken to one leaver irl. She's highly intelligent, not racist, homophobic etc. I don't pretend to know why leavers voted leave.

DH relies on medication to stay alive and is genuinely concerned about its availability in the case of no deal. In those circumstances, if I'd voted leave I would probably have irreparably damaged our relationship. Fortunately we're both remainers. And in our circumstances we will, at the very least, 'moan' about no deal. Hopefully leavers understand why...

Insults are not reserved to just one side, both are as bad as each other. Except leave side has the aggressive daily mail on their side.

I wonder how many of those who say' Hey, it's just politics/ get on with life/ go out to dinner, lighten up!/ it's 100% okay if the person you thought you knew when you married them seems to be at total odds to you, politically'- when your Remain voting spouse makes you be the one who queues for 2 hours, twice a week, for, say petrol.

If that's all that's affected.

Personally, I'd be questioning my judgement if my DH turned out to be a Leaver, a No Deal Leaver.

Thornhill please do one thing for a poor, benighted Remainer:

Promise me you will be on here, one year hence, not NC, to spell out how well no deal Brexit has played out for you, with your self-made, multi-lingual background, how you have utilised the amazing opportunities tantalisingly close to you, now (despite barely a single deal as yet in place).

How's your Faeroese?

It's not just that there was no plan for scrutiny beforehand symptom (and I totally agree with you btw), there's no plan other than No Deal now. And the idea that the public might have been allowed to look at any plan and approve it or not was met with death threats to Remainer MPs. If the plans to leave came anywhere close to what Leavers promised in 2016, not that many people would be that upset. I would still mind, I think, but I'd be grumpily resigned. I probably wouldn't have demonstrated for a Norway deal. But a government that is pushing a no-deal and bypassing Parliament- no fucking way.

YANBU I totally understand where you come from and I'd feel the same. Just agree to disagree and try not to talk about it if you can. Brexit has already caused enough damage, don't make it worse.