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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not speak to my husband over Brexit!

414 replies

telvg · 30/08/2019 22:38

So does anyone virtually want a divorce because their partner agrees with No Deal? I feel like telling my husband, when we have no money and food prices are sky high, or if someone we know can’t get medicine they need, that it’s his fault for supporting Brexit and No Deal. I don’t understand why people are so short sighted and can’t see the bigger picture. Everyone my age (mid 40s) and younger, who went to University, is anti Brexit, or at least anti No Deal. Even the most staunch, Middle Class over 60s, don’t support No Deal. The only ones who do, appear to be uneducated, ignorant or racist, homophonic, sexist etc type people. So why does my husband agree with it? I feel he’s not the man I married. So am I being unreasonable to feel this way?

OP posts:
MrsJakeLovell · 01/09/2019 10:14

Note it’s the Investment Banker who wants to leave with no deal 😂...

Dapplegrey · 01/09/2019 10:18

Leavers are in my opinion typically at least one of insular, small-minded, racist, xenophobic, selfish, ignorant, poorly-educated and thick.
Wherewithal I agree, there’s absolutely no point leavers commenting as that’s the inevitable response they get. Or Leavers have less intelligence than fleas on a dog and need to be eradicated as such is another example.
It’s a shame there can’t be a thread for leavers but it’s a public forum.

akerman · 01/09/2019 10:31

I agree dapple that both of those statements are appalling. Some of my favourite people voted Leave. Not too many of them still hold by that and none would support Johnson's latest power-grab, but none deserved to be spoken of like that.

User344772734481882445 · 01/09/2019 10:49

Completely agree dapple. I am so so so so so fed up of people making assumptions about me because I voted leave.

For the 1000th time ....I am NOT racist, homophobic, selfish, small minded, etc......

And yes, my opinion is equally as valid as anyone else's. I am a human being with a voice. Other people are not superior to me and I am not inferior to them.

I am well aware of quite a few people who voted to remain that did so without reading any literature on the topic except what was in the press at the time, and who didn't think that deeply about the decision. I read masses on it and thought long and hard about it all before I cast my vote, yet I am the one labelled ignorant and I am told I didn't know what I was doing and was fooled by the campaigners and fed a lie. Hmm

I actually live in an area where basically all but my very closest friends assume I voted to 'remain' because I fit their perceived stereotype of a remainer. I've had other mum's comment to me in the playground about how vile leavers are, how they should be eradicated, how they are ignorant, how they are scum.

I feeling so angry about the way half the nation is being treated simply because they voted differently and not how the other half would have liked.

I would never call someone who voted remain 'scum' or 'ignorant' or any other derogatory terms. Why do people feel they have the right to say these things to me ?

wherewithal · 01/09/2019 10:53

akerman A lot more than “a couple of people” feel that way about the EU; I just happened to quote someone who often blogs about it. He also most certainly does not paint a “glorious future” - nobody sensible talks like that.

There have been persuasive things on this thread, and others. That you don’t find them persuasive is your right, but it’s neither here nor there. People were entitled to vote for any reason they chose: that's just life in a democracy (such as it is). This is unfortunately something that a lot of mumsnetters seem to have a hard time accepting. In any case, I haven’t shared my own particular reasons for voting leave because I’ll admit I don’t have the stamina to push against this particular wall of remain. Kudos to those who do.

Going back to the OP, wherever you are, I don’t think you’re compatible with your husband, and should do him the favour of letting him know this rather than putting it to a vote here. But at least we got a halfway decent thread out of it.

mummmy2017 · 01/09/2019 10:54

Wait till we leave with no deal.
The EU won't move, as they can't
Boris is getting ready for it as he knows what is coming.
DD and her fella disagree, but neither is falling out about it, as they love each other.

AtmosClock · 01/09/2019 11:04

I feeling so angry about the way half the nation is being treated simply because they voted differently and not how the other half would have liked

I find this attitude a bit weird. As if leavers are the victims here. For the past few years, you’ve had everything your way. Remainers have been labeled antidemocratic and as Remoaners. The government has ignored the wishes of the 48% by drawing hard red lines.

mummmy2017 · 01/09/2019 11:06

So because we went out and got people to vote and won , were told the vote would be honoured and now you don't like the results, should we roll over.
No, both parties said they would get us out, so lump it, just like we had to for fourth years

mummmy2017 · 01/09/2019 11:07

Sorry 40 years.

AtmosClock · 01/09/2019 11:08

But the result said nothing about how we would leave. Whether we would stay in the single market, customs union, rights of EU citizens. So, no, we don’t have to lump it

mummmy2017 · 01/09/2019 11:14

But when you leave a house, a marriage, a car or even a shop.... You don't stay with inside you detach.

AtmosClock · 01/09/2019 11:16

So are you proposing to completely ban trade with and travel to Europe? That’s the hardest Brexit I’ve heard of

mummmy2017 · 01/09/2019 11:21

No one said not to trade.
But you were questioning the meaning of the word leave.

AtmosClock · 01/09/2019 11:24

I was over-interpreting your phrase to detach. The point is if we want to trade with the EU we will need an agreement, a deal so to speak. And that deal could be anything from WTO to staying in the Customs Union. That deal was not in the 2016 referendum

mummmy2017 · 01/09/2019 11:24

When you leave your parents house, you get your own home, do you still pay rent to your parents, pay their bills?
You do visit and they visit you, you both use services provided by other people, and should your parents run a farm you might eat the produce, but you have left home.

AtmosClock · 01/09/2019 11:32

your analogies are quite sweet, but even in those cases, you make arrangements with your family. Maybe how often you’ll visit, how long they can stay for. And maybe if you leave home, your parents do decide to help. In poorer countries, you might agree to send some of your wages to your family. You make agreements

thanksforallthegoldfish · 01/09/2019 11:34

dh and I have reduced contact with his neice for this reason, she is pro-trump, anti-immigration(even welsh/irish/scottish!),anti-muslim remainer and is coming more and more right wing and everyone who doesn't agree with her is wrong. We are more leftwing/centrist, remain, anti-trump and as I am 1/2welsh,1/4english and 1/4 greek I definitely don't fit in. Her relationship with sil and bil is suffering as well as their views are similar to ours, she just seems determined to argue with everyone who doesn't agree with her.

mummmy2017 · 01/09/2019 11:34

But you don't pay the bills.
Technically you have left the family home and just visit.

JacquesHammer · 01/09/2019 11:36

But you don't pay the bills

Using your analogy of a marriage which is more sensible.

When you choose to divorce you still need to work through financial settlements, division of assets etc.

AtmosClock · 01/09/2019 11:38

Just imagine you’d signed up to a six month contract with Sky, you might need to pay to settle the bill.

But as you can imagine, leaving a trading arrangement worth billions with hundreds of millions of people is a little more complicated than leaving home.

Jason118 · 01/09/2019 11:45

@mummmy2017 so when you leave home, do you make plans about where you will live, before you leave? How much you will spend on your new place, how you will decorate and pay for the upkeep? Or do you just close the door on you parents house and say "fantastic, I've left home, now where shall I go?" Because that's what leaving without a deal is like. If you can't see that with your own analogy, then there is no hope for you to understand why people get so pissed off with the notion of no deal.

mummmy2017 · 01/09/2019 11:53

My comments is about what leave means.
But in this case your moving into a house you already own, so you don't have to buy a new one, infact you had just cut a door into mum and dad's, so your blocking it up, so your just going to have to stop paying towards the bills at the parents house.
You can still use the sky as you have a box in your house as well. You either still pay half the bill or get your own.
But now you have to knock to enter next door and each of you has no right to say who visits the other house.

AtmosClock · 01/09/2019 11:57

Grin love your analogy. I left home and my parents gave me a key to their house, and they keep a spare key to mine. These are arrangements you can make.

The point is that “leaving” almost any arrangement, and especially one as complicated as leaving the EU, means coming to an arrangement on settling up your bills and making future arrangements.

mummmy2017 · 01/09/2019 12:02

But there will be arrangements, WTA is like common courtesy, and then people make different arrangements that suit each level of required closeness.
A DD might come and go as they please.
But a DIL is not usually on the same level.

AtmosClock · 01/09/2019 12:06

Thanks, you’ve made me smile

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