Is it me or him?

[Firstedition]

DH have a very loving relationship we only have two ongoing disagreements/arguments.
We both FW, I'm 32 weeks pregnant and we have a dog (which was my idea). I've never liked cleaning and have been always fortunate enough to have a cleaner until not that long ago, so cleaning is definitely something I don't excel at.
The house stinks of dog there's no denying that. Yes, I could do more but I'm either tired or don't feel like it. It doesn't help that I don't like where we live and have no love/pride towards it. I however do things here and there. He usually goes on about how the house isn't clean and it smells. We have opposite working schedules, this only lasts for 6 months, but while it does we only see each other after 6 every day. I feel like he puts me down about it and always end up in tears. Just yesterday for example I said that I hoovered the day before but he just dismissed by saying I used the shitty one rather than the one that works. I also cleaned the kitchen floors, empty the dish washer do the dishes (not always but when I can I do), the laundry (most of the times) and always take out the rubbish/recycling. I just don't think he's being fair on me, but maybe it's the hormones.

So what does he do?
Does he excel at cleaning?
Do you have a list of chores that you split between you?
Why don't you get another cleaner?
Do you bath the dog regularly?
Wash the dogs bedding / toys, etc....?

We have no ongoing rota (although I think that would help). He usually does the dishes and has done the carpets every now and then. He sometimes helps with the laundry too when I'm behind.
We can't afford a cleaner.
We bathe the dog once a month (he thinks it should be more often) but she rarely gets dirty. The main problem is that she wees in a utility hallway rather than in the garden.

What's a utility hallway?

Well I think the problem here is the dog pissing in your hallway rather than who does the dishes. Why do you allow this to persist? Train the dog, or hire a dog walker. Get a doggy door installed? Worst case scenario get the puppy pads that at least soak up the urine. I don't see how he can make it your problem that the house smells of dog if he isn't also working towards a resolution.

It sounds like you are doing much more housework. Is that the case? If so, how come he has the right to ask you to do more? Surely he is the one who should do more.

The dog has all day access to the garden but decides to wee in that hallway/corridor whatever you want to call it between the back door and the garden. It has a cement floor so it should be easy to clean but there's no way to drain it.
He always days he'll wake up early to take for a walk but never does. Or when he gets home we sometimes take her for a walk but we not always do.

If he doesn't walk the dog, do you?

If you can't look after your dog & walk her, then you shouldn't have her

I think neither of us do much... Which he acknowledges but only after saying how much I don't do (or it feels that way anyways). I've told him that how you deliver the message also counts.
I've made more if an effort since last time we had this argument but I know I do it out of fear of not annoying him.

It's about to get a whole lot worse when the baby arrives.........sort out a routine now.

Seeing each other only after 6 is normal I would say.

I walk her when I get home, but it's hard because I have to decide between walking her of doing bits around the house. Originally she was allowed in both our workplaces but got banned for being too active.

It sounds like you have a poorly trained, bored dog.

Dog wee will soak into a concrete floor

Get the dog trained or get some vinyl down

If it’s your dog, you’re not walking it and it’s pissing in the house, I don’t blame him for being annoyed about the smell. Especially if you don’t clean often enough because sometimes “you don’t feel like it” rather than because you can’t do it.

I agree he should be doing half the housework if you both work full time (especially with you being pregnant) but one of you should be walking the poor dog twice a day. If you can’t, and he won’t, you need to either pay someone to do it or rehome the dog.

For god's sake. You are mistreating that dog. You only walk it out of fear of getting in trouble, not from care for its welfare.

Rehome it.

And yes, what’s so unusual about seeing each other after 6pm each evening?

I agree with a previous poster about you needing to get this sorted before the baby comes. You’ll have less energy, less money and less time then, with a greater need for a clean house.

It's our dog in the end. The "I don't feel like it" it's usually because I feel drained. We got the dog at the same time we found out I was pregnant. He doesn't do much either all because he's always either paying back for extra time he had last year or because he runs out of time on his day off.

What I find unusual is that our days off don't overlap either. So we genuinely only see each other 28 hrs in a week. We do t get to have the weekend together and that feels very isolating too.

I walk the dog because I live my dog. I only have to pull myself.and drag myself out of my tiredness and clean the house because I know that otherwise he'll be annoyed.

What breed of dog is it? So it doesn't ever get walked in the mornings and sometimes doesn't get walked in the evening? So wees in the house all day? So where does it poo?

There are a few issues at play here.

Your dog is bored and poorly trained. You need to exercise her regularly and train her properly.

Your husband appears to do fuck all, yet is critical of the state of the house and expects you to sort the lion’s share.

You are scared of annoying him. This is what’s most concerning to me about your post. Are you fearful living with him?

He doesn't do much either all because he's always either paying back for extra time he had last year

What does this mean?

Whoever the dog belongs to, ultimately, neither of you are looking after it or cleaning enough. The smell of dogpiss in the utility will encourage the dog to keep pissing in there, you need to clean it properly. Rehome the dog, stop living like slobs.

I think you should rehome the dog in all honesty. Dogs are quite a high maintenance pet and it sounds like you can’t be bothered with it. You need to walk at least once but preferably twice a day and offer lots of stimulation. If you aren’t in the house for 8-9 hours a day you should really employ a dog walker. This situation will only get worse when the baby arrives, you will both be shattered and the dog will get forgotten.

Why don’t you have a cleaner anymore? It sounds like you need the help.

Not seeing each other until 6pm is normal in many relationships.

OP, it's really not acceptable to not be walking the dog regularly. S/he has no proper routine and you seemingly haven't housetrained her/him either. It's really important that this changes, it definitely sounds like this is a big strain on your relationship and with a baby on the way something has to give.

Regardless of who decided to get the dog it is now a joint responsibility. My DP wanted a dog but it is me that walks him before and after work every single day without fail. And while she does do more of the cleaning around the house we try and split "chores" up fairly evenly so as not to allow any resentment to grow.

It sounds like you guys just need to come to some agreement around this, it's clearly causing your DH some stress which he is then taking out on you. Make a rota and stick to it. You don't need to be a cleaning guru to hoover/tidy every other day, clean once a week and clear up dog piss as soon as it's noticed.

How long are her walks?

Your husband helps you with the laundry when "you're behind"? He needs to do much more around the house.