Is it me or him?

[Firstedition]

DH have a very loving relationship we only have two ongoing disagreements/arguments.
We both FW, I'm 32 weeks pregnant and we have a dog (which was my idea). I've never liked cleaning and have been always fortunate enough to have a cleaner until not that long ago, so cleaning is definitely something I don't excel at.
The house stinks of dog there's no denying that. Yes, I could do more but I'm either tired or don't feel like it. It doesn't help that I don't like where we live and have no love/pride towards it. I however do things here and there. He usually goes on about how the house isn't clean and it smells. We have opposite working schedules, this only lasts for 6 months, but while it does we only see each other after 6 every day. I feel like he puts me down about it and always end up in tears. Just yesterday for example I said that I hoovered the day before but he just dismissed by saying I used the shitty one rather than the one that works. I also cleaned the kitchen floors, empty the dish washer do the dishes (not always but when I can I do), the laundry (most of the times) and always take out the rubbish/recycling. I just don't think he's being fair on me, but maybe it's the hormones.

I know you love the dog but you're not doing the best for it and you'll resent its mess when the baby comes.Get it rehomed now and you'll have a good few weeks to get the house sorted before you have a newborn.

The cost of the cleaner would come out of "my pocket" and we need all the money to save for the house. He gives me as much as he can but that's a different matter altogether.

Dog aside, what would happen if you started a conversation like this?

Him: the house is a tip and the dishes aren't done blah blah blah

You: yes, it is, isn't it. What are you going to do about it?

Him:?

I love my dog too much, I'd never get rid of her I first have to retrain her. I lived a life without dogs for many, many years because of my exHs excuses. She's the reason why I sometimes get out of my "can't be bothered with anything". Yes, I have to walk her more but she's my little ray of sunshine.

Rehome the dog - use the money you were going to use for a dog walker to get a cleaner in. Tell your DH that half the cleaning is his job - he makes half the mess, doesn't he? No woman is born with a love of hoovers or ironing boards, he can shape up.

I agree that you need to sort this now, it's going to get worse when the baby arrives, you are totally knackered and on your feet all the time. Don't make the mistake of thinking 'oh I'll be home all the time and I can get the house into shape then', you may be stuck with a high dependancy baby and not able to do more than five minutes at a time (and you'll want to at least sit down then, rather than be cleaning).

So the dog is left all day? And is still only a puppy? And pisses in the corridor? Blimey, you tick all the what not to do with a puppy boxes! I don’t understand why your dh only does stuff ‘sometimes’. Whoever is home first does chores/dog walks here.

Choosing between dog walk and chores is odd: I’m not saying you should be doing housework all evening, but I’m left with several hours of nothing to do once the animals have been dealt with and fed.

Try the organized mum method to keep the house clean. I do think that you need to add more time/chores to it when you have pets, a garden or a bigger house.

Rehome the dog, once the baby cones you might not even have time for a shower each day, let alone walk the dog enough. Access to the garden is not enough outside time, you need to properly take long walks each day.

I'm not a first time mum, I know how it goes and my house when I had my first was in a much better state. I won't get rid of the dog, I suffer from chronic loneliness and go through bouts of depression she's helped me a lot in that way.

Getting a cleaner doesn't solve the problem IME, it takes all excuses away.

You said you’re not very good at cleaning but that’s an excuse. I hate cleaning but have to do it and have to make myself.
You both need to agree a rota before the baby is born.

Sorry, didn’t read your update. Where’s your older child in all this? Do they live in the house?
Sounds like you’re in a cycle of getting fed up with the house but then finding it hard to get on top of it.

The children only live with us part time. They don't help and it's a struggle to get my DD to go out and take the dog for a walk with me, you literally have to force her. They obviously make some some mess although not as much as FT children.

EOW it's my time with her and sometimes I feel bad that I have to spend it cleaning/doing the laundry but I have no choice.

Sorry OP but it sounds like you're living in squalor and neglecting your dog. Why on earth did you get a dog and why are you having a baby if you're general attitude is "Can't be bothered", and you rent a house that you hate enough to let become a shithole?

You and your partner need a kick up the arse. Most people work full time and clean their own house - it's not exactly a huge ask of you both.

*your

You two need to make a cleaning and dog walking rota and stick to it, especially before the baby arrives.

By the way, you don't have to like cleaning or 'excel' at it in order to do it.

It's just something that has to be done.

When we got the dog circumstances were different. I was still working from home and wasn't pregnant. The day we picked her up was the day we found out I was pregnant! Dogs were allowed in both our workplaces (when I got an office job) but then she got banned mostly because she was a boisterous puppy.

She's a lot calmer now and obedient and a great dog all-round.

He's said he'll start taking her but hasn't so far.

I agree is not a big ask to clean I know most people do, but I fi d it a bit rich of him to criticise me directly when he doesn't do much himself.

What type of dog is it op?

This is ridiculous.

Why would you have to pay for a cleaner? Aren't all your financial expenses shared?

Why is cleaning your job?

My advice, is to split the issues. There's the dog issue, who bless em needs regular walks, and training to pee in the garden. I don't know what shifts you both do, but someone walks her before work, someone after, and perhaps a dog walker in the middle?

And then there's the house issue. Tell him the cleanliness of the house IS NOT YOUR JOB JUST BECAUSE YOU HAVE A VAGINA. For goodness sake. Make a list of jobs to do, and split them. Or, as an alternative if he doesn't want to do this, then you both pay for a cleaner.

If you don't sort this now, you'll be back here in 5 months with a little baby and even more mess and he still won't have stepped up.

If you only have your DD EOW you should be able to do the cleaning before she comes.
I can throughly clean my two bedroom house in 2 and a half hours so an hour for chores a day isn’t a big deal, get your parter and you to both tackle things together between 6-7 and then chill out the rest of the night.
Walk the dog more or rehome her with an active family, your going to have a lot more on your plate pretty soon and you can’t bring a baby into an unclean home, things need to be sterile.

Big difference between unclean and lived in.

For gods sake grow up!
Unless there’s some MH or physical issues you haven’t disclosed then this is ridiculous.
I appreciate you are pregnant, I’ve been there, as have lots of other women and it is hard and knackering but you are about to get a whole lot more tired when the baby arrives so you need to get sorted now.
The dog NEEDS walking.
End of. There are no excuses. You or him get up half an hour early and walk the dog before work and it should be the first thing you do when you get home.

Tidying a house, putting on washing and doing the dishes shouldn’t take more than 30/45 mins a day max. You might need to invest a weekend into getting the house to a decent standard first but once you’re clutter free and starting from a fairly clean base then 30 mins power clean a day is fine.

I’m sorry but it really just sounds like you are both lazy. If you can’t manage to walk a dog every day whilst also doing the washing up you’ve got a bloody great bit shock coming your way when the baby arrives.
Time to shape up!

all because he's always either paying back for extra time he had last year or because he runs out of time on his day off
What is this ^
I’m sorry but you both sound selfish and lazy, everyone feels like they can’t be bothered but it’s not an excuse to neglect your dog and live in a tip.
Sit down and divide the tasks, there’s only 2 people in the house, how much cleaning can be needed?
There’s mums on here with large family, FT job, pets, caring for parents etc and they manage, pull your socks up fgs.

it's hard because I have to decide between walking her of doing bits around the house

Well, that's having a dog unfortunately. It's not a decision, the dog needs walking. And whilst this sounds unsympathetic, I am also pregnant, with a dog and a husband who works away so I know exactly how hard it is. You just have to walk into the house and turn straight back out with the dog.

Also, she's pissing in that corridor because you've let her and now it smells like somewhere she's allowed to go so you need to deep clean the hell out of it, lay something over and train your dog.

She's with me half the time, so the o my time I have to clean before she gets here would be the days I don't have her as most of the time when she's around is consumed by driving her to all of her clubs and cooking.

The house itself is not unclean/untidy it's genuinely not that bad, it's the stench from the wee which is the main issue.

We both leave for work at around the same time but I come home earlier. Apart form the days he stays at home as his days off and my weekends.

Tbh leaving a dog with access to garden isn’t ideal in terms of safety; stolen, escape, also it’s common that they wee indoors as there’s no definition for outdoors/indoors. She’s obviously very young and doesn’t sound properly house trained. Also using your DD visits as another excuse to not step up is rather pathetic, stop whining start doing plenty of us cope with a lot more.

I'm not whining! I'm the first to accept I'm part of the problem, but the help I get is far and in between (as much as he likes to think he does lots) and then he blames me all because I've been honest about not being "efficient" when cleaning. A very small kitchen takes me more than 45mins.

And he doesn't notice the little changes here and there. It's not nice that I have to live in fear of annoying him (dog aside).

All your problems stem from the dog. The dog was your choice. She is bored and has not been trained properly. She needs to be walked more.
Grow up, take responsibility and stop using your pregnancy as am excuse for neglecting your animal. Being pregnant is a state many women go through, it's not a disability or illness that prevents you from fulfilling your duties to more vulnerable beings.