Teenage daughter wanted dog now won't walk him

[tacaba]

16 months ago we bought a dog for our 12 year old daughter as she was going through a difficult time with her mental health and begged me and my husband for a dog staying that " it's all I ever wanted" " it will make me happy" I was always against getting a dog because we live in a small two bedroom house and have a very small garden, we already have a parrot and fish.
Things got really bad with my daughter's emotional state so my husband and I were desperate to try and help her and hoped that getting the dog would calm her and give her something to focus on, so we bought a cocker spaniel puppy for £800 after vets etc it was over £1000 we spent, we spoke to our daughter and told her that she would be responsible for walking and feeding and cleaning up after the dog, she agreed. (Alongside other family members) The first 6 months went well but slowly but surely my daughter has passed the responsibility on to me, I worked from home during this time and the dog became very attached to me as I was with him most days and fed, cleaned and walked him everyday while my daughter was at school and my husband at work, I have an older daughter who is 18 and she also started working, but did walk the dog on request.
My youngest daughter has had a councillor and started to recover from her mental health issues which was great but slowly she has lost interest in the dog, she spends most of her time upstairs on her phone, I have tried everything to get her away from the phone but it causes massive arguements and she gets aggressive.
Now the situation has changed dramatically as I now have a job away from home and leave the house at 8am and am not back until 4pm. My youngest has been on her summer holidays and does not walk the dog or pick up the poo outside unless I tell her too. I ask her why she hasn't walked the dog and she gets angry and says that it's because I didn't ask her too? When I fire back and say that she knows that the dog needs walking? She just storms off upstairs and won't speak anymore and tells me to go away. We have threatened to get rid of the dog today as it's not fair on the dog and my hours at work are only going to increase so I can't look after him anymore?
My husband works long hours as a builder so he is much to tired when he gets home. My eldest is starting university in September so she won't be here either? I can't see any choice but to re-home the dog if my daughter doesn't step up and take more responsibility for him.

As hard as it is I agree with you. I had to do the same for my sister who I was responsible for. At the end of the day it's not fair on the dog, even if she did start walking it after school it's a long time for a lively young dog to be alone.

I would give her one more chance after seriously speaking to her again. I got in touch with the breeder we got her from and they took her back and found a lovely home for her.

I remember being ridiculously lazy as a teenager. My mum would ask me to empty the dishwasher and I'd be doing it 7 hours later as she walked through the door. Huffing and puffing.
Work it into her pocket money? If she doesn't do it she doesn't get paid. Would that work?

I'd rehome the dog seeing as there won't be anyone home all day once school starts back. It's unfair on the dog to have limited space for all that time, regardless of who walks him in the evening. Sounds like dd won't miss him anyway.

My children pleaded with us to get a dog they were 9 &12 at the time. They promised to look after it and do all walks etc. I told my DH that he should be under no illusion and that this would not happen. He assured me that both he and the children would look after dog. We got a cocker spaniel too and sure enough with in 6 months I was the only one looking after the dog. Unfortunately he died of a cystic liver aged 4 . Children are now 21 and 19 and still want a dog but I'm far more sensible this time. I think you can only get a dog if you understand that the children will not take on the care of it full time. It does sound like your poor dog will have to find a new home.

I think you were foolish to get a dog based on a 12 year olds promises, but can appreciate it came from a good place.

Cocker spaniels can have severe separation anxiety when left alone (especially when left for longer than the magical mumsnet 2-3hours that you must never leave any dog for longer than), so if your circumstances have changed I would be inclined to offer the dog back to the breeder to re home or try a breed specific charity you can surrender to. If it's a young dog it would likely be rehomed easily.

It doesn't sound like you particularly want the dog, and if no one wants to look after it and it's alone all day it will be miserable.

You have been the adult making the decisions here. It was your decision to get the dog. You need to step up now and look after the dog.

The first 6 months went well but slowly but surely my daughter has passed the responsibility on to me, I worked from home during this time and the dog became very attached to me as I was with him most days and fed, cleaned and walked him everyday while my daughter was at school and my husband at work

I know you had the best intentions, but surely it was clear this was what was going to obviously end up happening. Your daughter is much to young to take on the main responsibility for a dog - and what was the plan for in 6 years time when she, like your eldest went to uni or in 10 years when she’s fully moved out? You’re the main carer for this dog and you were always going to be - so if you never wanted the dog in the first place and don’t want it now I suppose it best to rehome, but it’s a very sad situation for this dog to have been put into.

It is rather foolish to buy a dog on the proviso that a developing adolescent will feel the same about walking a two year old dog as she did about a puppy. Teenagers aren’t steadfast beings. You are the one who needs to step up and care for the dog you bought.

God, reading that pissed me off, OP. Poor animal.

The poor decision was entirely yours. Unrealistic to expect a 12 year old with MH issues to take that level of responsibility.

The dog always was and remains the adults’ responsibility.

You seeiously expected a twelve year old to understand the responsibility of owning a dog?

Poor dog. Why did you get it knowing your daughter would be at school majority of time and you working al day anyway? Too long for a dog to be left.

I think it would be fairer to the dog to rehome it.

You can't seriously have expected a 12 year old to take on the full responsibility of a dog (a lively spaniel at that)? You are the adult. The dog is your dog and I think you need to understand that you are the owner, not your daughter.

If you'd rather not rehome the dog, could you afford a dog walker? Then the dog is looked after, and the teenager could give it bonus walks when she wants to.

So you bought a dog expecting a 12 year old with MH issues to take primary responsibility for its health and welfare for the next 10-15 years?

What we’re you planning on doing if she goes to Uni? It’s obvious that as the adult you’re entirely responsible for the dog’s wellbeing in this situation. Stop blaming your DD and be an adult

YABU not to have known what would happen.
Kids want pets, mothers usually care for pet.

Sorry op but however well-intentioned, you were ridiculously naive to assume that a 12 year would be mature enough to take on the role of being the dog’s main carer. What did you think would happen in six year’s time when she leaves home anyway? You’re the adult responsible here.

Get the phone off her and tell her she cannot have it back until she walks the dog.

You're still the adult here.

Is she 12 now or was she 12 when you got the dog?

Honestly, you're the adults so really you need to take responsibility.

It was unrealistic to expect a child to look after a dog forever. It's a huge responsibility.

And a spaniel. What on earth made you buy such a high-maintenance breed? 🤦‍♀️

I'd be very worried about her spending so much time on her phone in her room. She's much too young. I'm assuming she doesn't have internet access on it? Do you monitor her messages?

I get that it came with good intentions but, she's 12! Dogs (especially smaller ones) can live 15 or more years. What was the plan for if she goes to university? Moves in with her boyfriend etc? This is your dog. The poor thing :( I hope if you do rehome you're bliddy careful about where to.

Pets are always the responsibility of the adult & while you got the dog from a place of kindness, it’s not fair to put the blame on your DD under the assumption that a promise she made at 10/11 would be kept (no child understands the work that comes with a dog!) I’m very much of the opinion that if your children want a pet it’s only something you commit to if you are prepared to care for it. Rehoming might be the kindest thing but you should have that conversation as a family.

My parents gave me two kittens for my 9th birthday who I absolutely adored but I’m pretty sure I didn’t do much of the looking after - and certainly not the amount my mum would have done. We have one of them left now who lives at my dad’s. We have ongoing conversations about how she’s “your cat” (my cat) and therefore she should live with me, but my point is always that they got her for a child & therefore the responsibility lies with the adults who got her! (She’s also far too old now for a huge relocation to an unfamiliar house and location, bless her!)

What would you have done when she'd gone to college or uni? The dog would still only be young.