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Original poster

Teenage daughter wanted dog now won't walk him

184 replies

tacaba · 29/08/2019 17:54

16 months ago we bought a dog for our 12 year old daughter as she was going through a difficult time with her mental health and begged me and my husband for a dog staying that " it's all I ever wanted" " it will make me happy" I was always against getting a dog because we live in a small two bedroom house and have a very small garden, we already have a parrot and fish.
Things got really bad with my daughter's emotional state so my husband and I were desperate to try and help her and hoped that getting the dog would calm her and give her something to focus on, so we bought a cocker spaniel puppy for £800 after vets etc it was over £1000 we spent, we spoke to our daughter and told her that she would be responsible for walking and feeding and cleaning up after the dog, she agreed. (Alongside other family members) The first 6 months went well but slowly but surely my daughter has passed the responsibility on to me, I worked from home during this time and the dog became very attached to me as I was with him most days and fed, cleaned and walked him everyday while my daughter was at school and my husband at work, I have an older daughter who is 18 and she also started working, but did walk the dog on request.
My youngest daughter has had a councillor and started to recover from her mental health issues which was great but slowly she has lost interest in the dog, she spends most of her time upstairs on her phone, I have tried everything to get her away from the phone but it causes massive arguements and she gets aggressive.
Now the situation has changed dramatically as I now have a job away from home and leave the house at 8am and am not back until 4pm. My youngest has been on her summer holidays and does not walk the dog or pick up the poo outside unless I tell her too. I ask her why she hasn't walked the dog and she gets angry and says that it's because I didn't ask her too? When I fire back and say that she knows that the dog needs walking? She just storms off upstairs and won't speak anymore and tells me to go away. We have threatened to get rid of the dog today as it's not fair on the dog and my hours at work are only going to increase so I can't look after him anymore?
My husband works long hours as a builder so he is much to tired when he gets home. My eldest is starting university in September so she won't be here either? I can't see any choice but to re-home the dog if my daughter doesn't step up and take more responsibility for him.

OP posts:
BrokenWing · 29/08/2019 22:05

Novelty of a puppy has worn off for everyone after only 16 months and noone can be bothered with it anymore so let's get rid and blame the 12 year old child.

Get out your bed 20 mins early and walk the dog in morning, pay a dog walker mid day and walk for an hour at night. You are home at 4pm, loads of free time to walk a dog, your poor tired dh could use the evening walk to relax. If either of you can be bothered. I leave for work at 6:20 and see lots of people out walking their dogs. Dh walks ours at 7am.

No wonder so many dogs end up in rescue centres or are PTS every year.

FrancisCrawford · 29/08/2019 22:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Purplejay · 29/08/2019 22:32

You were unreasonable to get a dog and assume your 12 yo would look after it. You need to step up and take care of this dog who you brought into your family. Poor dog. Can’t believe you are thinking of rehoming him. Walk him before/after work. Get your daughter to poop scoop/do some walks. Get you husband involved at weekends. Jeez! What did you think would happen. Poor dog 😢

Purplejay · 29/08/2019 22:37

Oh and if dog is left more than 4 hours regularly you really need to get a dog walker.

Blamangeme · 29/08/2019 22:50

One of my teens is badgering me for a dog.... on and on... lots of his friends seem to be getting dogs. Ain't happening here for exactly the reasons that OP is going through. If it was me wanting one then yes and I'd take responsibility for it. I love dogs but I don't want the ties that come with it. If a dog is left home alone all day its not fair on the dog. My sister in law got one for her son who has autism--he wasn't interested and she walks it etc. Strangely enough her dc likes the cat which she had all along!.....

BasilTheGreat · 29/08/2019 22:51

Sell WiFi time. One walk of at least 30 minutes for 5 hours WIFI. :)

SilverySurfer · 29/08/2019 22:55

TeaForDad
8-4 is a perfectly normal period to leave a dog for, though I appreciate your dog might not like it.

What utter bullshit. You couldn't be more wrong. Dogs should not be left on their own for eight hours. Why do you think so many people hire a dog walker part way through the day? Hmm

huuskymam · 29/08/2019 23:15

My son was the same with a bearded dragon, begged me for years for one. We eventually caved when he turned 15. The only thing he'll do is feed her, and only cause I wont even look at the crickets. I do everything else.

whattodowith · 29/08/2019 23:19

This was sort of predictable. My Mum refused to let me have pets as a child however much I begged (and I really did go on about it!) because she knew damn well she’d be the one cleaning up after it. It’s a tale as old as time really, the novelty has worn off for her so Mum has ended up stuck with the responsibility.

Rehome if she doesn’t start taking care of it. Cocker spaniels are quite high maintenance, probably a mistake choosing that breed btw.

LittleAndOften · 29/08/2019 23:25

8-4 alone is an awful existence for a dog. That poor creature. The very minimum should be to get a dog walker to take them out for a couple of hours during the day. If not then pay for doggie daycare. 8 hours is cruel.

Cherrysoup · 29/08/2019 23:37

Also cockers are a nightmare.

What utter bollocks. They’re bred to hunt and retrieve and may well need to work. One of my notacockers needs a job. It’s hardly the dog’s fault if it isn’t properly stimulated/occupied.

I’m afraid I agree with pp: getting a dog was unfortunate. Aren’t you attached to him, op? I couldn’t give it away after 5 minutes, let alone 6 months. If you aren’t and you really can’t commit, then re-home using a breed specific charity.

fitflopqueen · 29/08/2019 23:51

Horrible situation for you to be in, your dog is still very young and the kindest thing for all of you would be to relinquish to Spaniel Aid or another registered spaniel charity. Your dog will go to a loving well vetted home, I foster for them and have had 2 cocker spaniels this year, both have gone on to permanent homes.
You can then get back to having a better relationship with your daughter and don't let her cajole you into anymore animal commitments.

Jenny70 · 30/08/2019 00:02

This is definitely a parent problem, but not one without a solution.

Teenage daughter is quite capable of walking hound, either wifi switched off until walk done, or can I suggest you be a bit creative?

Give the dog it's own insta page, get her to post to it daily - catching ball, running, looking cute/active etc. Might be the prompt she needs to get out there with the dog.

Once school goes back, you'll either need doggy daycare or a dog walker if it's going to be alone for the whole day. Any neighbours/local pet lovers perhaps interested? A friend of mine has her neighbours dog twice a week hang at her house while they are at work. She gets part time pet, dog gets attention/company.

PickAChew · 30/08/2019 00:10

I took on the job of exercising a nutjob of a rehomed irish Setter at 12 (and survived the grazed elbows) but, if you're not more willing to look after this dog than your 12 year old, you need to give it the chance of a family who doesn't see it as no more than a furry box of aspirin.

MonChatEstMagnifique · 30/08/2019 00:13

Poor dog.

Even though your daughter said she would be the one to do most of the caring of the dog, you are the adult here and you got the dog.

This attitude people have of just rehoming animals is shocking and really saddens me. Is the dog not part of your family? Would you not miss him terribly?

I'd be angry, disappointed and disgusted if my children treated a pet like an old toy they didn't use anymore.

DifficultSituation19 · 30/08/2019 00:40

Rehome the poor dog. Even if your daughter did suddenly take an interest, it’s still going to be at home on its own between 8-4 5 days a week while she’s at school. That’s not fair. I dog sit for people and had a cocker spaniel to look after while its owner was at work. She’d worked part time before and he’d only been left for around 4/5 hours before, but then she started working full time. He literally went mad and starting toileting in the house on a daily basis. Cockers are busy little things and need lots of company, exercise and stimulation. You can’t offer that.

Beautiful3 · 30/08/2019 04:47

I'm looking to buy a dog that breed soon. Would you recommend that breed for a family? Is he quite cuddly and happy to relax on your lap?

SteeperThanHell · 30/08/2019 05:45

A dog should only be bought because the family wants it, not because a child does. Yes some children do look after their pets (our children help with ours), but the ultimate responsibility lies with the adults in the house who will be left with the dog long after the children have left home.

ButDoYouAvocado · 30/08/2019 06:16

I work with dogs and see this all the time. Of course a 12 year old can't be responsible for looking after a dog! This absolutely does my head in. Poor dog.

Moondancer73 · 30/08/2019 07:45

I'm sorry but why are you surprised? Did you honestly think that a child would really keep walking a dog day in, day out?
If you are actually going to rehome the poor pup please go back to the breeder - any breeder worth their salt will take a dog back and find it the home it deserves

lavenderandthyme · 30/08/2019 07:51

Regardless of whether or not your daughter walks the dog, the dog is in its own for far too long each day. Take the dog back to the breeder.

Pinkblueberry · 30/08/2019 08:05

@FrancisCrawford sounds like your parents had thought it through then. But I don’t think the OP had given that part a second thought tbh as they admitted in their post to not wanting the dog in the first place - the puppy becoming a dog and their daughter actually growing up and leaving home before the dog has lived out it’s life didn’t seem to cross their mind, which when you don’t want to even have a dog is a bit of a problem Confused

ChickenyChick · 30/08/2019 08:20

Has OP even been back?

envelopeofpubes · 30/08/2019 08:30

Is there a child on earth who hasn’t pleaded for a dog? The fault is yours in giving in. A dog should only be brought into a home if the parents are willing to do the caring for it, as children don’t have the capacity to understand long term commitment. I’m afraid it is you and your husband who have failed this dog, not your daughter.

ReasonedCamper · 30/08/2019 08:42

Cockers are very energetic little beasts and need to be kept busy.

I think you need to remove the word ‘threat’ from the decision and have a family discussion about how to manage the dog now that you are out all day. Give your Dd a voice (not the casting vote!) on what is needed for the dogs welfare and the best way forward.

Sharing responsibility
Getting a mid-day dog walker (research cost locally)
Re-homing.

By making it a punitive threat you are holding your Dd responsible for a decision that YOU took when she was young.

Don’t throw ‘begging for a dog’ back in her face. She was a child, and suffering MH issues.

Family decision, consider the dig’s welfare, realistic family pressures, and treat the outcome as positive, whatever it is.

Good luck.