Teenage daughter wanted dog now won't walk him

[tacaba]

16 months ago we bought a dog for our 12 year old daughter as she was going through a difficult time with her mental health and begged me and my husband for a dog staying that " it's all I ever wanted" " it will make me happy" I was always against getting a dog because we live in a small two bedroom house and have a very small garden, we already have a parrot and fish.
Things got really bad with my daughter's emotional state so my husband and I were desperate to try and help her and hoped that getting the dog would calm her and give her something to focus on, so we bought a cocker spaniel puppy for £800 after vets etc it was over £1000 we spent, we spoke to our daughter and told her that she would be responsible for walking and feeding and cleaning up after the dog, she agreed. (Alongside other family members) The first 6 months went well but slowly but surely my daughter has passed the responsibility on to me, I worked from home during this time and the dog became very attached to me as I was with him most days and fed, cleaned and walked him everyday while my daughter was at school and my husband at work, I have an older daughter who is 18 and she also started working, but did walk the dog on request.
My youngest daughter has had a councillor and started to recover from her mental health issues which was great but slowly she has lost interest in the dog, she spends most of her time upstairs on her phone, I have tried everything to get her away from the phone but it causes massive arguements and she gets aggressive.
Now the situation has changed dramatically as I now have a job away from home and leave the house at 8am and am not back until 4pm. My youngest has been on her summer holidays and does not walk the dog or pick up the poo outside unless I tell her too. I ask her why she hasn't walked the dog and she gets angry and says that it's because I didn't ask her too? When I fire back and say that she knows that the dog needs walking? She just storms off upstairs and won't speak anymore and tells me to go away. We have threatened to get rid of the dog today as it's not fair on the dog and my hours at work are only going to increase so I can't look after him anymore?
My husband works long hours as a builder so he is much to tired when he gets home. My eldest is starting university in September so she won't be here either? I can't see any choice but to re-home the dog if my daughter doesn't step up and take more responsibility for him.

This is exactly why I keep saying no to my DS. He also has mental health issues and keeps telling me how much he needs a dog.

2 years ago he did the same about wanting a hamster. Promised to clean the cage, handle her every day etc etc. Nobody but me has gone near the poor thing in about 18 months!

As sad as it is I would be going back to the breeder to ask about renominates. Spaniels are such active and intelligent dogs and currently the dog just needs more input than your family can give it.

Dd1 desperately wanted a pony when she was 12. Begged and pleaded, promised she would do all the work. This went on for about a year non-stop. As was to expected she then hit puberty and lost all interest in horses. Thank fuck dh and I didn’t give in as I’d be out right now poo-picking the field!

Cockers are so full of energy. What about a dog walker or doggy day care combined with Borrow My Doggy (look them up on Facebook). This has worked well for a friend of mine who was a SAHM but had to return to work due to a sudden change in circumstance. She was desperate not to rehome the dog.

You bought a 12 year old with mental health issues the most high maintenance pet you can get, and now you’re surprised she’s lost interest in it? You never buy an animal for a child that you are unwilling to take responsibility for yourself. You need to step up and take care of the dog. There are plenty of solutions for your pets when you need to work longer hours.

OP never get a child - yes your daughter is a child - any pet unless you are willing to look after it properly.

As PP suggested you need to re-home that dog.

She is not a teenager, she is a child. So the dog is your responsibility. It's utter madness to put this on her, it's completely typical of children to beg for pets and then not look after them. Most typical children will not have the capacity to look after an animal full time without lots of input. Swap her smart phone for a brick phone. If she is on it too much do something about it and take it off her. I am sick of parents complaining their kids are glued to their phones all the time and then doing nothing about it. If you let them have a smart phone they will be glued to it, no it's or buts. It is not healthy.

This is 110 percent on you. Sorry. You are the adult and you got the dog. Also cockers are a nightmare.

Get rid of the dog. Chances are the guilt over the dog is not helping your daughter's mental health at all. Rehome it.

Or walk the dog with your DD every day. Keep the wifi switched off until the walks are done. Tbh if she's glued to her phone you should have the wifi off most of the time anyway or the phone confiscated.

If you are too scared of a 12yo's tantrum to take her phone away then tbh, it is you who needs counselling.

Limiting a 12yos use of devices is completely normal parenting. In my friend group temporary confiscation of devices is the punishment of choice for misbehaving teens. I would be somewhat at a loss for how to punish/discipline my lot if the wifi and devices weren't so precious to them. There's extra jobs of course but that requires compliance so if there's a big hissy fit underway that's no good. Switching off the wifi or taking away the phone/xbox is fully under your control and is thus ideal.

Just rehome it. Poor dog doesn't just need a half hour walk a day (which it possibly wont' always get) they want to be loved and cared for - get rid of it. Don't make DD feel guilty, she didn't know any better.

This is why DD is not getting a dog, after the hamster she ignored I was left to exercise her and clean the cage.

This always happens!

Seriously what parent believes the “i will walk it promise mum” rubbish

You should NEVER of got the dog if you weren’t prepared to do the donkey work as this was always going to happen. That was your mistake

You need to have a serious talk to your dd and maybe put the walking the dog in with pocket money

Oh OP! I can see your heart was in the right place! But .... What on Earth did you expect!!?

She is a teenager! I'm surprised she lasted 6 months! It was pretty predictable this would be the situation. I would have a family discussion and if no member of the family is willing to take on the reaponsi ilotynof regularly walking, feeding etc... then the dog needs to be re-homed.

Please don't make you DD feel a failure or to blame for this. She is 12, doing what most 12 year olds do, and she packed the foresight to realise what a pain the dog would be after the novelty wore off

It's a rare child who continues to look after a pet once the first months/years have passed. It does happen I believe. Not in our house though! We did have a dog, but I was under no illusion that I would be the main carer, as I was for the guinea pigs/cat etc. I worked part time at the time. He's since passed away, and although I miss him I am out of the house for too long a time now to consider getting another as I think it's unfair to leave them on their own for too long. Dogs are pack animals and you are their pack.

I'm normally against rehoming pets except as a last resort, but this may be that. The dog needs looked after, and if she won't it's better that it goes to someone who will.

I feel for you though - you must love the dog, and losing it will be hard

Rehome the dog.

Get decent parental controls on your daughter’s phone, tell her the phone is not allowed in her bedroom, and that you are allowed to check everything she’s been doing on it (or if she doesn’t like that she can choose not to have a phone at all).

Who is looking after this 12yo with MH issues all day while you and dh are at work?

You get a dog knowing full well the responsibility is yours and your husbands.
Your D is a child and you are the responsible adult.
The bonus would be that the dog helped your D but that's all.
It is important children learn responsibility and how to care but it's down to you to deal with the care of it.
This is said from someone sat with my D dog curled up on the sofa next to me after I've been looking after it for 7 years 3 months and 2 days.
We've had him 7 years 4 months !!

I hate to feel like we’re piling on to you, but how was this going to go any other way? This is exactly why so many dogs end up in rescues which sadly is exactly what you do need to do.
The dogs basic needs are not being met and that is not about to change.
Do not rehome on Facebook or anywhere online. Take them to a reputable rescue and give them a chance of a decent life.

And learn from this. Don’t get any more pets that you aren’t 100% able and willing to look after for their entire lives.

A child can't contemplate the responsibility of a dog that can live to 10, 12, 15+ years can she?

Surely you could have predicted that your dd 12 would do exactly this?

Oh sorry, wrong thread! Will ask for post to be deleted

Poor dog

Seems like this was the inevitable outcome and the dog is the one that's going to suffer. Very shortsighted on behalf of you all.
At least if you are going to rehome please do it responsibly, don't advertise to strangers on fb or dump at a rescue centre where the poor thing will be kept in a gated boarding kennel most of the time. Contact the breeder you bought from if possible, or rehome with friends of friends.

Return the dog to the breeder.

Explain to your daughter that YOU should never have got her a dog, you should have realised you werent in a position to look after a dog and nor was she.

Do NOT make your daughter feel responsible for YOUR error of judgement here, this is your mistake.