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Original poster

Teenage daughter wanted dog now won't walk him

184 replies

tacaba · 29/08/2019 17:54

16 months ago we bought a dog for our 12 year old daughter as she was going through a difficult time with her mental health and begged me and my husband for a dog staying that " it's all I ever wanted" " it will make me happy" I was always against getting a dog because we live in a small two bedroom house and have a very small garden, we already have a parrot and fish.
Things got really bad with my daughter's emotional state so my husband and I were desperate to try and help her and hoped that getting the dog would calm her and give her something to focus on, so we bought a cocker spaniel puppy for £800 after vets etc it was over £1000 we spent, we spoke to our daughter and told her that she would be responsible for walking and feeding and cleaning up after the dog, she agreed. (Alongside other family members) The first 6 months went well but slowly but surely my daughter has passed the responsibility on to me, I worked from home during this time and the dog became very attached to me as I was with him most days and fed, cleaned and walked him everyday while my daughter was at school and my husband at work, I have an older daughter who is 18 and she also started working, but did walk the dog on request.
My youngest daughter has had a councillor and started to recover from her mental health issues which was great but slowly she has lost interest in the dog, she spends most of her time upstairs on her phone, I have tried everything to get her away from the phone but it causes massive arguements and she gets aggressive.
Now the situation has changed dramatically as I now have a job away from home and leave the house at 8am and am not back until 4pm. My youngest has been on her summer holidays and does not walk the dog or pick up the poo outside unless I tell her too. I ask her why she hasn't walked the dog and she gets angry and says that it's because I didn't ask her too? When I fire back and say that she knows that the dog needs walking? She just storms off upstairs and won't speak anymore and tells me to go away. We have threatened to get rid of the dog today as it's not fair on the dog and my hours at work are only going to increase so I can't look after him anymore?
My husband works long hours as a builder so he is much to tired when he gets home. My eldest is starting university in September so she won't be here either? I can't see any choice but to re-home the dog if my daughter doesn't step up and take more responsibility for him.

OP posts:
Veterinari · 29/08/2019 19:26

Why is everyone piling on the OP? Some teens CAN look after pets very responsibly. It's only in this country that people have such low expectations of young people. No wonder they increasingly have zero resilience.

Well legally an under 16 year cannot be responsible for the health and welfare of a dog and i’d Expect the responsible adult to know this, consider that a 12 year old will change hugely over the next 10-15 years and not gamble with the life of a sentient animal by expecting a child to take on a responsibility that they themselves aren’t able to commit to.

dollydaydream114 · 29/08/2019 19:28

And this is why you don’t buy a dog as a present for your already difficult 12-year-old just because she insists she wants one.

A dog is a living animal - which, by the way, will still only be around half way through its life when she leaves home for university, so god knows what you imagined you’d do with it then. It is not a must-have accessory for a child and also needs far more exercise than a 12-year-old could give it even if she was walking it every day.

You are the adult. You are responsible for this.

Rehome the poor thing through Dogs Trust or a cocker spaniel rescue charity, if you can’t step up and give it the care it needs. But bloody hell, I can’t believe you didn’t see this one coming. Regardless of her mental health problems (with which I do sympathise) your daughter also sounds spoilt as hell.

Pinkblueberry · 29/08/2019 19:30

Op I feel for you because the people who post these threads on here are usually torn to shreds.

I think for good reason though. There are so many dogs in shelters and people buying dogs without thinking it through is a major contributing factor - and I think the OP has taken ‘not thinking it through’ to a whole new level. Being in a dogs home is really stressful for a dog - it’s understandable for dogs to end up there when an owner becomes ill, passes away or if a dog turns out to be a danger to others, but situations like these could easily be avoided. What the OP has done is completely irresponsible, and the poor dog has to suffer for it. It’s cruel. I think it’s fair for people to be harsh and make it clear that doing this kind of thing is absolutely not ok.

FenellaMaxwell · 29/08/2019 19:30

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PookieDo · 29/08/2019 19:32

I am cringing.
I do not want to shred you but your child is 12 years old
She isn’t mature enough for this level of responsibility. I am 40 and I find my dog hard work!
It was irresponsible to agree really, and as the adult you now need to make a choice for the animal and your family
I don’t see how being angry with your child is going to help the situation

My children are 17 and 15 and although they help - the pets are mine and I have full responsibilty for them

Maneandfeathers · 29/08/2019 19:34

I really don’t think there’s much excuse for her not to walk it.
My parents got me a dog when I was 11 after much begging. He was huge and an idiot but I walked him every day for 14 years because my parents made me and also because I knew the poor dog would suffer if I didn’t.

If she won’t step up the dog needs to go.

TowelNumber42 · 29/08/2019 19:35

The dog is the least of their problems.

she spends most of her time upstairs on her phone, I have tried everything to get her away from the phone but it causes massive arguements and she gets aggressive.

They can't even manage to take a phone away from a twelve year old.

It takes two people to have an argument OP. As the adult you don't engage with the shouty child. The more she shouts the longer it is before the phone comes back.

There's a special word for when a child gets angry and aggressive: tantrum.

A twelve year old does not actually need a phone. Get rid of her phone. Keep the dog until at least the tantrums over you taking her phone come to an end and see if she then engages with the dog. Without her phone addiction interfering she might adore the dog.

TowelNumber42 · 29/08/2019 19:36

It is unreasonable to expect a twelve year old to manage her phone addiction. Be the adult.

gilliansgardenbench · 29/08/2019 19:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Karwomannghia · 29/08/2019 19:38

Same happened here but without the mental health issues. They do love her but don’t look after her apart from letting her sleep on their beds and take a for a walk when nagged.
I would give her some slack. They’re (kids) all the same and it’s good she’s feeling better mentally.

Wolfff · 29/08/2019 19:40

I walked my dog every afternoon after school from the age of 5 until he died when I was 17. I also did morning walks when my Mum stopped walking us to school. It was also my job to feed him. It is not unknown for a child to take responsibility. It was just accepted I would do it as he was closest to me.

I think what has happened here is that the DD has her own issues and really can’t cope. OP tried her best and she doesn’t deserve the telling off she is getting here.

I think the way to handle it is to talk to the DD in a mature way, that the only solution is to find the dog a new home. Not as a punishment but because it’s best for him and the family in the longer term.

YouokHun · 29/08/2019 19:40

Please rehome the dog without delay. It’s a high maintenance breed that needs a lot of exercise and stimulation/company. Please only rehome via the original breeder (if they were decent) or via a specialist rehoming charity (ideally one who specialises in the breed) who will carefully vet any future owner. To be honest I don’t think you would have got through such a process yourself - I know you set out to help your daughter but the lifespan of an animal is beyond any understanding and commitment a child can make.

CodenameVillanelle · 29/08/2019 19:41

You know that phrase 'a dog is for life, not just Christmas?' That phrase is for people like you. You are responsible for the dog. Rehoming it is awful but probably in its best interests.

Pinkblueberry · 29/08/2019 19:42

Why is everyone piling on the OP? Some teens CAN look after pets very responsibly. It's only in this country that people have such low expectations of young people. No wonder they increasingly have zero resilience.

Of course they can look after pets, but that’s not the only issue. As others have said, buying a pet that will live 13+ years solely because your teenager wants one shows no forethought at all - teens grow up and leave home, who’s dog is it then?

Dipi · 29/08/2019 19:43

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adaline · 29/08/2019 19:45

This is entirely your fault OP.

Never get a pet unless the adults of the house are able and willing to do all the care involved.

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 29/08/2019 19:47

It is unreasonable to expect a twelve year old to manage her phone addiction. Be the adult

I'm hoping this is a joke .

Phone Addiction my arse .

SignedUpJust4This · 29/08/2019 19:50

Shocker. 12 year old promises the world and loses interest once novelty wears off. This is your mistake to fix OP. Either love that dog like your own or find it a good home. She's 12 FFS. Why is she even on a phone in her room? Just take it off her

TowelNumber42 · 29/08/2019 19:50

No joke. A young child has mental health issues and is being allowed to spending hours on her own on her phone. That's a problem.

PookieDo · 29/08/2019 19:51

Why is everyone piling on the OP? Some teens CAN look after pets very responsibly. It's only in this country that people have such low expectations of young people. No wonder they increasingly have zero resilience.

A young girl with unresolved MH issues does not seem like a clearly responsible dog owner who is likely to want to walk a dog come rain and snow and shine every single day whilst they are struggling and dealing with school

There is more to owning a dog than walking it as well. It’s a huge responsibility

My DC feed my pets and they also walk them but the onus is on ME to ensure the dog has a happy healthy life. I buy the food i flea and worm groom and vaccinate the dog, I train the dog I walk the dog in the horrible weather and they are doing homework. We are a family and pets are family pets. Everyone has a role but as the adult the responsibility lies with me

YesQueen · 29/08/2019 19:51

What @Divebar said. I had full responsibility of a horse from age 11. It was my job to work out feed and worming and vet and shoes and saddle fitter. I had to muck out twice a day, every day before and after school. All the way through my GCSEs and A levels and then I took a horse to Uni with me
My dad was there to listen and would help me in the mornings by filling water buckets but that's it, he has no idea about horses. He waited for me in the mornings and dropped me off there after school for 2hrs

missbattenburg · 29/08/2019 19:52

Rehome the dog responsibly through a breed specific rescue.

Any dog (or animal) deserves to be brought into a home where everyone in that home wants it and where the adults are prepared and able to give it a full and healthy life.

They do not deserve to be given as gifts or leaned on as emotional crutches without real thought going into what you will give to the dog rather than just take from it.

Taking the dog way from your daughter can also be used as a lesson to her that it is not fair to just have them hanging around for the times when you want to pet them. That real work and time must also be regularly and reliably spent on their welfare.

DarlingNikita · 29/08/2019 19:53

You are utterly irresponsible to get a dog because a 12-year-old begged you to and you believed her when she agreed that she'd be responsible for it.

For fuck's sake.

The poor dog.

TeaForDad · 29/08/2019 19:53

8-4 is a perfectly normal period to leave a dog for, though I appreciate your dog might not like it.

FudgeBrownie2019 · 29/08/2019 19:54

Christ on a bike why would anyone buy a dog just for a child?

You get a dog because the whole family is ready and willing to engage with and train a dog, not because a child is having a tough time. When my DC are having a tough time do you know what I give them? Hugs, my time, and my energy. That's it.

Please, OP, listen to what people are saying and take control here. It doesn't have to be aggro and "I'm the boss". But you do have to be the person in charge at some points when you have a teen; they have to know that you have boundaries and expectations. You can do it respectfully and peacefully, but my goodness you need to do it.