Teenage daughter wanted dog now won't walk him

[tacaba]

16 months ago we bought a dog for our 12 year old daughter as she was going through a difficult time with her mental health and begged me and my husband for a dog staying that " it's all I ever wanted" " it will make me happy" I was always against getting a dog because we live in a small two bedroom house and have a very small garden, we already have a parrot and fish.
Things got really bad with my daughter's emotional state so my husband and I were desperate to try and help her and hoped that getting the dog would calm her and give her something to focus on, so we bought a cocker spaniel puppy for £800 after vets etc it was over £1000 we spent, we spoke to our daughter and told her that she would be responsible for walking and feeding and cleaning up after the dog, she agreed. (Alongside other family members) The first 6 months went well but slowly but surely my daughter has passed the responsibility on to me, I worked from home during this time and the dog became very attached to me as I was with him most days and fed, cleaned and walked him everyday while my daughter was at school and my husband at work, I have an older daughter who is 18 and she also started working, but did walk the dog on request.
My youngest daughter has had a councillor and started to recover from her mental health issues which was great but slowly she has lost interest in the dog, she spends most of her time upstairs on her phone, I have tried everything to get her away from the phone but it causes massive arguements and she gets aggressive.
Now the situation has changed dramatically as I now have a job away from home and leave the house at 8am and am not back until 4pm. My youngest has been on her summer holidays and does not walk the dog or pick up the poo outside unless I tell her too. I ask her why she hasn't walked the dog and she gets angry and says that it's because I didn't ask her too? When I fire back and say that she knows that the dog needs walking? She just storms off upstairs and won't speak anymore and tells me to go away. We have threatened to get rid of the dog today as it's not fair on the dog and my hours at work are only going to increase so I can't look after him anymore?
My husband works long hours as a builder so he is much to tired when he gets home. My eldest is starting university in September so she won't be here either? I can't see any choice but to re-home the dog if my daughter doesn't step up and take more responsibility for him.

I think the OP has probably got the idea now, perhaps some people don’t have to be quite so rude? I suggest you contact Spaniel Assist and they’ll advise and probably offer fostering/adoption. Whatever you do please don’t put it up for sale on Facebook or similar, and never give a dog away.

I would think that rehoming the dog would be massively detrimental to your dd MH. Can you afford doggy day care? Have you a family member who might do a bit of day care? I know someone who pays a dog walker every day, regardless of whether the family are home. It seems a bit extravagant but the dog gets good everckse.

But its not a phone addiction . She's on her phone in her room so she doesn't have to bother herself walking her dog or talking to anyone else .
I'm guessing that she has a pair of functioning legs ? It wasn't memtioned otherwise .

She's most likely chatting and watching rubbish on YouTube . And the arguements and aggression would go right away .

I would lock the phone hen do one of those 'Find My Friend' trackers and get her out walking . Then it would show if she actually did it .

Who pays for the phone contract?
Any clothes that aren't school clothes ?
Sweets ? Treats? Cinema etc.

That would all get stopped .

Animals are not disposable . I am normally of the 'You're the adult , you have the responsibility ' brigade but here I think he would be better with someone who can appreciate him.

Please, please rehome your dog through a reputable organisation. Talk to your Vet for advice.
There are horrible people out there who may use this poor animal as bait in dogfighting and other forms of abuse.
Also, it is not acceptable to leave a dog alone for 8 hours!

I can't believe you don't love the dog after it has bonded to you

Your child is a child, the dog is YOURS

Give up work, or work to pay for doggy daycare or walkers

It is NOT acceptable to rehome it. Step up and do your job.

8-4 is a perfectly normal period to leave a dog for, though I appreciate your dog might not like it.

How is it normal? That means a dog ends up mostly on its own whilst people sleep or on its own whilst people are out.

I'm more worried about the daughter than the dog, poor as it is. If a 12-14 year old girl is unable to bond with a dog, she is not in an emotionally good place and it sounds like her MH issues may have merely been muted and pacified by technology rather than really resolved.

I had exactly this when my daughter was 15yrs, promised to stay local for uni but went 100's miles away! I have someone walk him while I'm at work in the day and as much as I love and adore the dog it does feel like a life sentence!

Calling the OP a Fucking idiot and Fuckwit really is beyond rude.

She volunteered to post.

So worried about the dog but you're talking to a human being asking for advice like trash. Really?

Every single teenager I’ve ever known who was in a family with a dog had done walks. Usually after school with an adult doing early morning. It’s really not that much to expect.

Lots of separate issues here op. Dog Walker might be an option or rehoming
Re the phone thing that has me more worried. I've a teen. No phone in bedroom. Attitude re phone = removed. Her mental health will be tied up with phone. No phone after 7pm until next morning. Charges downstairs in kitchen. How are you btw?

My friend did the same for her 12 year old, her dd was self harming, not attending school due to some very severe anxiety issues, she didn't leave the house for months and when she did she's almost faint with fear. Her dd had read about anxiety dogs and begged and begged and begged her mum to get one thinkingit was the solution to everything.

My friend knew at 12 years old her dd was way to young to understand the responsibility and commitment of the next and didn't have the capacity to understand what she promising to, they talked about how long dogs can live for and that dd could be 25 before the dog died and married and even have her own children by then, she couldn't expect her child to agree to do something so far ahead into her future.

Friend got a lab and her dd is now 14 and it has been great for her MH, she leaves the house now to walk the dog, she's still got a long way to recovery but the dog has helped a lot, however friend bought the dog knowing full well that it was her responsibility for the next ten plus years, that money, insurance and physical care is the adults responsibility and if she didn't want to or couldn't provide this herself if it went tits up with her child losing interest she would never have got a dog and looked into the borrowmydoggy or having family dogs to stay sometimes.

I do understand your frustration, and I do understand why you got a dog if you were worried about your child but at the same time, you were the adult with the capacity to understand what a ten year commitment looked like and to understand the impact a puppy and dog would bring to everyone's life, not just dds, she was a child with mental health issues and likely wasn't in a position to be making such long term decisions for the family for the next decade.

It's sounds like she has an unhealthy relationship with her phone too. Do you monitor her online useage? I'm just asking because my friends dd was on some sites that gave tips how to hide eating disorders and how to hide self harming, how to do it with random everyday objects type stuff. My friend took away the smartphone and internet usage was on the family pc only where friend could supervise. Her dd would have spent hours in her room in her phone if her Mum didn't take charge.

I think YOU got the dog. If you get a pet for a child, then you are getting a family pet, and you basically act like a guarantor, in that if the child doesnt do it, you do it. Getting rid of a dog for this reason is really unfair. She does need to step up and walk it more, but ultimately, as the adult, its your dog

If a 12-14 year old girl is unable to bond with a dog

Isn't it a case of the novelty has worn off , going on the same walks can be boring for the walker (the dog might love it , having to pick up dog shit , just sheer teenage laziness and no responsibility . Because some else will mop up.

Rather than 'bonding'

So much nicer to lose 5 hours on Face Book or other online shit than the harsh reality of caring for a dependant , living breathing animal who didn't ask to be there

YABU for having a parrot.

This sounds like quite a familiar story TBH!.We are on our 3rd dog now and guess who has had to do the lions share of walkies(for 20 odd years ?)Yours truly!.I think any children who promise to look after the dogs they so desperately want should always be taken with a pinch of salt!.I think she will be heartbroken if you sell the dog ,and it may make her MH problems worse!.As someone else said what about a dogwalker or doggy day care?.It will be a huge wrench to sell him I think

Every single teenager I’ve ever known who was in a family with a dog had done walks. Usually after school with an adult doing early morning. It’s really not that much to expect.

It's massively unrealistic to take the word of a 12 year old like that - what happens when she turns 18 and goes off to university, or goes travelling, or wants to move out?

She can't have a dog in halls, or take it backpacking, or take it with her when she moves into a house-share. Getting a dog for a dependent child should only EVER be done if the adults in the house are prepared and able to do all the work involved.

Dogs require a lot more input than two walks a day. What about training classes? Vet appointments - check ups, jabs etc? Children are at school all day so who's going to arrange the vet appointments? Children also can't insure pets, or be legally responsible for them. The responsible adult needs to be involved at least on some level. What if the child wants to have a sleepover or go away on school trip?

OP clearly didn't think this through at all, and now the dog is going to either be stuck in a household where it's not wanted, or be put into a rehoming centre where it's not guaranteed to find a home, and where it's likely to develop behavioural problems.

People are right to be angry. Too many people take on pets without thinking about the consequences.

Rehoming the dog is the soft option for you. You bought it for xxx amount 16 months ago, now things are difficult you want to pass it on to someone else. Sorry OP, but animals are not disposable. When you bought that puppy you signed up to looking after him for his lifetime in a caring, responsible manner.
You need to sit your family down, a form a weekly plan to look after the dog. If you are home at 5, you do the evening walk. DD needs to feed and do weekends at least, and you need daycare in place Mon-Fri. If DD doesn't like it - well, there are consequences like phone time is reduced. Thats what being a pet owner entails.

@cheesemongery Yeah I really do not get how parrots (or any birds really) are still sold as pets. It has to be the most inappropriate creature to keep in a cage or house ever.

I don’t even know where to start with this one. I work for an animal charity and the amount of dogs that are handed in at around 6-9 months, after the initial tiny puppy stage is over, is unreal. Most common excuses are that the kids have suddenly become allergic or that the kids are bored. It is the parents responsibility to look after a dog, not a 12 year old child. I mean surprise surprise, 12 year old wants puppy, 12 year old loves puppy, 12 year realises how much work puppy is, 12 can’t be bothered with puppy anymore. I wish people needed a licence to have a pet!

Oh, and keeping a parrot In a cage

8 hours for the dog to be home alone is absolutely not normal.

Some cocker spaniels have such bad separation anxiety that they basically can't be left anyway.

I would give her some slack

I would agree except that it is the dog which is going to suffer.

DD2 was told she had to take responsibility. She promised she would. Parents and DD! were aware a dog is a family member and it seems that they "did their bit" - ie it wasn't totally left up to DD.

Then circumstances changed. Parents and DD@ now have work commitments which mean they can't do so much and dog is left alone all day. (Which is frankly awful - but to be fair on OP she can't possibly have realised how these things would turn out, or how much the lonely little dog would suffer).

The only one now in a position to walk and provide company for the dog, is DD2 - now older anyway and able to take more responsibility for HER pet. And she won't do it.

It isn't that she has a full rich life socialising, rock climbing, surfing - or even spends time in the library researching Byzantine architecture - she sits in her bedroom gaming etc on her phone and the dog is left - poor thing must be frantic for exercise, bored out of its skull and desperate for company.

It would do this child's mental and physical health an enormous amount of good to get off her lazy bum and take the dog out for a walk. And the dog would benefit hugely, too - as well as bonding with her.

I have no suggestions except - re-home the dog, but to the dog's benefit, not your own OP.

I have three spaniels. I'd consider having yours too if you were near me and she fitted in with the others. But as I say, a breed rescue would have no problems re-homing the dog for you - also - is it neutered? If not be VERY careful where you let it go to, particularly if it is a bitch.

What does your daughter want to do? Even if she does walk it after school, isn't that quite long to leave a young dog alone?

What's the best case scenario? Do you or your husband work close enough to walk it at lunchtime? Or does your daughter come home for lunch? If no one can walk it all day then you are best rehoming it while it is still young. Otherwise you all need to sign up to a rota

My youngest has been on her summer holidays and does not walk the dog or pick up the poo outside unless I tell her too. I ask her why she hasn't walked the dog and she gets angry and says that it's because I didn't ask her too? When I fire back and say that she knows that the dog needs walking? She just storms off upstairs and won't speak anymore and tells me to go away

Seriously , a young near teen doesn't fathom that a dog needs walked ? That they need to be reminded or told?

She's angry because she knows she's wrong and you have called her on it .

When did she lose interest ?

Some cocker spaniels have such bad separation anxiety that they basically can't be left anyway

What Namechange says. Cockers are desperately in need of company. It's indescribably cruel leaving them for more than a couple of hours max. They can rip the house to bits, or howl the entire time. And particularly if they are caged, eight hours is FAR TOO LONG.

Some breeds can be left up to 4 hours.

NONE should be left 8 hours.