Teenage daughter wanted dog now won't walk him

[tacaba]

16 months ago we bought a dog for our 12 year old daughter as she was going through a difficult time with her mental health and begged me and my husband for a dog staying that " it's all I ever wanted" " it will make me happy" I was always against getting a dog because we live in a small two bedroom house and have a very small garden, we already have a parrot and fish.
Things got really bad with my daughter's emotional state so my husband and I were desperate to try and help her and hoped that getting the dog would calm her and give her something to focus on, so we bought a cocker spaniel puppy for £800 after vets etc it was over £1000 we spent, we spoke to our daughter and told her that she would be responsible for walking and feeding and cleaning up after the dog, she agreed. (Alongside other family members) The first 6 months went well but slowly but surely my daughter has passed the responsibility on to me, I worked from home during this time and the dog became very attached to me as I was with him most days and fed, cleaned and walked him everyday while my daughter was at school and my husband at work, I have an older daughter who is 18 and she also started working, but did walk the dog on request.
My youngest daughter has had a councillor and started to recover from her mental health issues which was great but slowly she has lost interest in the dog, she spends most of her time upstairs on her phone, I have tried everything to get her away from the phone but it causes massive arguements and she gets aggressive.
Now the situation has changed dramatically as I now have a job away from home and leave the house at 8am and am not back until 4pm. My youngest has been on her summer holidays and does not walk the dog or pick up the poo outside unless I tell her too. I ask her why she hasn't walked the dog and she gets angry and says that it's because I didn't ask her too? When I fire back and say that she knows that the dog needs walking? She just storms off upstairs and won't speak anymore and tells me to go away. We have threatened to get rid of the dog today as it's not fair on the dog and my hours at work are only going to increase so I can't look after him anymore?
My husband works long hours as a builder so he is much to tired when he gets home. My eldest is starting university in September so she won't be here either? I can't see any choice but to re-home the dog if my daughter doesn't step up and take more responsibility for him.

I don’t usually agree with the assumption that a child or teen can’t be relied on to look after a pet. Plenty can and do. But as the adult you also need to go into it prepared for the fact that at some point you might need to step up.

Dd has numerous pets, several that are far more responsibility than a dog. But it’s on the proviso that if she isn’t doing the work, it becomes mine. Or with some of the ponies it’s been threatened they’d either go on loan or back to the owner. And we’ve certainly had moments where I’ve scuppered her plans because at that point the pet is no longer hers.

However, I still think kids and teens are allowed a fall back plan, I wouldn’t want her to miss a sleepover or cut short an outing because she has to do something at x time. Plus every pet she currently has was bought in the knowledge I could step up if she didn’t follow through, and that they’d hopefully still be around when she’s at university or beyond when the responsibility will fall to me.

In your shoes I’d arrange a dog walker and simply tell her it’s now my dog. If you really don’t want to go that route then with the breed and age it won’t be hard for the original breeder to rehome, and you tell her that’s what will be happening if she doesn’t immediately sort it.

Id regime, which is very sad for the dog but it’s still young and will hopefully find a happy home. In the meantime maybe jjoin a dog sharing/walking website like ‘Borrow my Doggy’ and see if there’s anyone local desperate to walk a dog during the day for you.

A child of 12 can't look 15 years into the future. The dog needs to be your responsibility.

If he is going to be at home all day, he needs to be rehomed. Is the breeder willing to take him back?

Regime? Rehome!

It was unrealistic to expect your DD to look after the dog. You and your DH bought the dog and are responsible for the dog. So either you will have to step up to taking care of the dog, or rehome the dog.

Doesn't sound like any of you want the dog or are prepared to look after the dog. Are any of you affectionate towards the dog?

Look for a new home for him, poor animal does not deserve this .

And while you are waiting , take her bloody phone off her and get her out walking with the dog.

She (your DD) is part of the family so has to chip in.

I agree it isn't 'her' dog it is the Family Dog . And things have changed .So unless you can adapt the day and/or get a walker , that poor animal will suffer .

( And WRT children not looking after animals , my DD and I kept guinea-pigs from when she was 9yo till this year when she was 17 .

We shared the work, there were odd times when she was out , unwell or busy with homework and I did all the care - some of them were mine so easy enough to feed/clean them all- but she knew next time was her shout . I only offered to rehome one - to me because she had a massive allergy to him, but she refused )

It is VERY unfair on the poor dog.
Cocker spaniels are particularly prone to separation anxiety - they need company. And if it's a working type it needs a LOT of exercise - a LOT!

If at all possible, contact a breed rescue and explain the situation. They will have no difficulty at all in re-homing your pup - it's a young dog, healthy and will settle welling a new home. Alternatively, go back to the breeder - a reputable breeder will take the dog back, though they are unlikely to be able to offer you your money back (though you may get a proportion if she manages to re-sell the dog, as opposed to re-home it).

I know you are probably hoping to re-coup some of the money you have spent, but please don't offer the dog for sale online - there are too many people out there who buy dogs(even expensive dogs) on impulse and then get rid after a short time. Your dog could end up being passed hand to hand, getting more and more anxious, aggressive and difficult to re-home with every change of family. Or bred into the ground - especially if it is a bitch,

My daughter was the same age as yours when we bought her her first dog. She adored him, did everything for him and took him everywhere with her. He adored her too and was a wonderful companion.

Your daughter is missing out on a lot - it's such a shame.

When I was 10/11yrs old my dad promised me that we could get a dog one day when the time was right. Aged 11 I took matters into my own hands and went and fetched home a pup a friend's neighbour was giving away. I walked that dog every single day until I left home, so it's untrue to say a child cannot take some responsibility for a pet. Then again in those days there were no smart phones for me to get addicted to. I would take that off your DD for starters OP, not least because her shutting herself away with it in her bedroom all the time is terrible for her mental health, and if nothing changes then yes I would re home the poor dog.

YABU not to have realized that a 12 year old cannot reliably be the main carer for a dog. It also made me sad to see your emphasis on how much you spent. Rehome the dog to someone who will love him.

12 year olds are more than capable of looking after animals - I presume she has no problems taking care of her self? ( washing, watering etc). I was given a pony at 13 and sure as shit looked after it myself until I was 18 and sold him on. No one else in the family had the remotest interest in horses so there was never a point when anyone mucked him out or fed him for me so I could do something else.... even during exam time. So I call bull-shit on that. She’s not interested in the dog. The decision now is whether everyone else is attached enough to pick up the slack or to pay for a dog walker in the day. And incidentally you didn’t need to pay a grand you could have got a rescue dog... that was entirely your choice.

Poor dog.
Do you want the dog? If so, I would look at other options rather than rehoming, such as doggy day care or a dog walker whilst you are at work.

Or making daughter be more responsible for it, such as taking phone away each night and not giving back until she has walked the dog twice a day... If she refuses, phone gets confiscated.

If none of you particularly want the dog, then I would contact a breed specific rescue and see if they can support you in rehoming the dog.

Hi. Firstly she's only 12, secondly, she has had mental health issues.
Now I don't think you are being unreasonable to expect her to care for the dog - but I do think you might be expecting too much to expect her to think of it on her own.

And from first-hand experience of a similar situation I know it's all too easy and step in to help, then it becomes a habit for her to expect you to do it.

I would give her explicit instructions - make a chart together for example, with times on it. Feed dog before 8am. Walk dog before 10am Pick up poo at 4pm before I come home. Etc.

Text her throughout the day with a breezy reminder -"Did the dog eat all his breakfast?" "Where did you walk today?" "Leaving work in half an hour xx" etc.

Try it for a week. Then have a chat depending on the success - praise for success. If no progress, discuss options for rehoming the dog and that that process will start by x date if no improvement seen.

This is why hamsters are good pets, they don't live long.
You need to get your daughter off the phone and spending time with real ppl

It's the dog that I feel sorry for.

Too many people take on gorgeous little puppies, then the novelty wears off, and no-one is bothered any more.

If you’ve been guilt tripping your DD for YOUR actions that’s shitty.

She's not twelve, she's going on 14 now. She ought to be able to be given some responsibility now. Poor dog, having to be rehomed because some snotty teenager won't put her phone down and shouts at her mum to leave her alone! I'd have had a boot up the backside at her age if I had neglected the animals I'd begged for. I remember once being shoved out the door in the snow with no shoes on and my wellies chucked after me because I'd been playing on my paceman machine while my pony was still out in a blizzard! I might have grumped and stroped but I learned responsibility. She needs to learn, the dogs here so the jobs need doing, end of. Don't teach her that animals are disposable when you can't be bothered.

How depressing, another poor bloody dog being sent to a shelter. It's irrelevant what your DD promised to do, ultimately you, as parents, are responsible. If you do this please don't buy any more animals.

I think you should rehome the dog. I think it’s really common for kids to totally lose interest when the novelty wears off, my DD is exactly the same with our rats. I understand your resentment but I don’t think your supposition that she meant it when she said she would walk it feed it etc was very wise.

Realistically, as a parent you don’t get a pet for your child unless you want one too, as you will always end up looking after it in some way -usually as its primary carer.

I had a pet mouse when I was about 12. I looked after him meticulously - bought all his supplies with my pocket money, his cage was spotless, he was fed properly, I played with him every day for the three years I had him, had him doing clever tricks and all sorts, I took him to the vet on my own when he needed to go. My mother only told me recently that she checked on him every single day while I was at school because she felt responsible for his wellbeing! It was nothing to do with not trusting me but rather that agreeing for me to have the pet meant she was taking on the responsibility too.

she has had mental health issues

Often caring for an animal will help with mental health issues or social anxiety - but the person has to actually CARE for it, not just sit about with it in the same house.

The physical activity and fresh air involved in walking a dog is hugely beneficial, and the affection of an animal can help build confidence.

Agree with a pp too about your making it about the money you've spent. You didnt have to do that, you could have rescued. And a cocker spaniel is a very active dog. Why did you choose that breed?

Op I feel for you because the people who post these threads on here are usually torn to shreds. Try block out that, it won't help you . Rehome the dog for everyone sake.

Why is everyone piling on the OP? Some teens CAN look after pets very responsibly. It's only in this country that people have such low expectations of young people. No wonder they increasingly have zero resilience.

I think the OP is quite right to be annoyed with her DD. She's not learning any responsibility.

OP unfortunately you will have to rehome the dog. Take it back to the original breeder. However I'd be confiscating the phone for a long time.

We have a similar situation with DS13. Between DH and DD I was guilted into agreeing to get a dog. I made us sign a contract before we got it, but once ddog was in the house, well he isn't going anywhere.

DH isn't too bad about being primary carer but I get annoyed with DS in the summer that he had to be really nagged for hours to take rookiedog - that he said he really wanted - out for a walk. It doesn't help that as he rarely feeds or interacts with him consistently rookiedog doesn't have as good recall as he would with DH and I on walks, so DS has also lost confidence. We're working on it with DS and I guess I just shouldn't have believed him,

We did - well DH and I - have the conversation about rehoming, but I have to admit to being rather fond of rookiedog and as long as DH remembers he's the primary owner and DD does a bit then it's fine, plus he's an awfully good boy if massive.

I joined borrowmydoggy and a lovely couple take him for the odd weekend and when we're on holiday.

In a nutshell this is why you don't buy a dog for a teenager unless you have the desire and capacity to care for it yourself. Please rehome sensibly.

Jesus Christ that poor dog. She’s not a teen - she’s a child, what were you thinking??? As an adult this blame lies solely on you. Good grief. How confusing for the poor dog that’s got to be rehomed now.