Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To invite people around MIL’s house while housesitting

244 replies

KissyThief · 29/08/2019 11:17

So this has proper annoyed me:

So my mil is going on holiday for a week and has asked my dh and the family to housesit and look after the dogs while they’re away. My mil just said keep the place tidy, walk and feed the dogs and treat the place like your home.

So I said to my dh that at the weekend if the weather is nice we can have a bbq and planned to surprise my partner with his best friend and family coming round as a belated birthday thing (we were skint for his birthday 6 weeks ago and it’s made me feel so guilty).

Anyway I ended up telling dh and things have completely blown up saying that the dogs won’t cope with new people and my mum wouldn’t like people she doesn’t know being in her house. And I’m just like the dogs coped during my ds1 first birthday party when we had around my mil’s and she said treat it like your home?

AIBU?

OP posts:
BertrandRussell · 29/08/2019 18:06

“YABU I would be furious if I found out that someone I trusted to house sit had invited strangers into my home.”
Even if said stranger was your son’s best friend?

MRex · 29/08/2019 18:23

I doubt the guy is a stranger if he's the DH's best friend, surely the parents would have met him. At the wedding at least.

MRex · 29/08/2019 18:29

@Bluntness100 - or they find live in the area and the DH's mate lives nearby. That's the explanation that makes most sense. If DH and I didn't feel free to even invite over childhood friends, I think either of our parents would be shocked. Obviously OP's PIL wouldn't feel the same though or the DH would have responded differently.
OP - just thinking of other options, could you stage a surprise picnic nearby, or surprise meet-up at a local pub/ restaurant?

SecretMillionaire · 29/08/2019 19:21

If I asked my adult child to house sit I don’t want their friends there. They have their own home to socialise in and can do that in any one of the other 51 weeks of the year they don’t need to house sit or they can refuse I I’ll make other arrangements.

Aprillygirl · 29/08/2019 19:36

Why don't you do the obvious thing and ask the MIL if she'd mind OP? Is it because you know you wouldn't like the answer perchance?

Ginmel · 29/08/2019 19:39

This has to be a reverse

sparklefarts · 29/08/2019 19:40

Seriously? Of course you're being unreasonable! So out of order.
You must be able to see that anyone would be FUMING if house sitters threw a fucking party?!? Don't be so flaming daft and selfish.

IncrediblySadToo · 29/08/2019 19:54

best friend & his family. It’s hardly a ‘party’🙄🙄

Yes I’d be fine with it. I was fine with it. Young friend used to house sit so the cats didn’t have to go to the cattery - he had friends over a lot and he had a few New Years parties over the years as well as people staying over 🤷🏻‍♀️

The only mishap was a bottle of champagne that flung its contents at the ceiling & sofa - could have happened to any of us!

Other than that happy cats 🐱 (and in your case dogs)

If I ask someone to house sit and tell them to ‘make themselves at home’ That’s exactly what I mean! Treat it as you would your own home.

A BBQ with a friend and his family is absolutely no big deal.

However, if it’s ‘for’ DH & he doesn’t want to, then it’s a bit pointless isn’t it.

Id also be wary of inviting little children if there’s any chance the dogs will not react well. Possibly a bit risky

Dutch1e · 29/08/2019 20:04

It's bizarre that you can't have a BBQ with friends when you've been told to treat the house as your own. You're not putting the place on AirBnB ffs.

I'd probably call/message MIL and be honest: "I suggested a BBQ with John this weekend and DH said you'd feel uncomfortable. Is that how you feel?"

If she says yes, that's fine, have the BBQ at your own home but don't housesit again.

Biancadelrioisback · 29/08/2019 20:19

Or just text her and say "do you mind...?"

Wonkybanana · 29/08/2019 20:46

Maybe the OP's DH doesn't actually want the bbq and is using 'his mum wouldn't like it' as an excuse rather than saying so.

Whether that's so or not, I think you have to go by what your DH has said. I suspect he wouldn't be happy if you'd gone (effectively behind his back) to ask her and if you ask him whether it'd be Ok to ask her, I think he'd say no.

So really the only thing to do is shelve the idea for while you're at the IL's, and do it when you're at your own home.

Bluntness100 · 29/08/2019 21:20

or they find live in the area and the DH's mate lives nearby

I don't see that as the most reasonable explanation. I'd assume as bst friends they see each other regularly so no need to have them at the in laws.

And it appears the husband agrees with me.

Sakura7 · 29/08/2019 21:43

Yes I’d be fine with it. I was fine with it.

Some people are, but it seems the DH and MIL are not. Everyone is entitled to have their own boundaries in relation to their home, which is their private space. That should be respected.

I'd probably call/message MIL and be honest: "I suggested a BBQ with John this weekend and DH said you'd feel uncomfortable. Is that how you feel?"

Sure, and then cause a rift in the relationship by going behind DH's back when he has made it clear he doesn't want this party/get together/whatever. I get the impression that DH's long since passed birthday is just an excuse to get people over to the nicer house. It's about what OP wants, not her DH.

museumum · 29/08/2019 21:45

My husbands “best friend” and his wife would certainly not be “strangers” to my mother in law!

Bluntness100 · 29/08/2019 22:04

"I suggested a BBQ with John this weekend and DH said you'd feel uncomfortable. Is that how you feel?

This might win the AWard for the worst and most passive aggressive statement posted 😂

MouthyHarpy · 29/08/2019 22:09

If someone housesitting for me held a party while I was away I would be very very angry.

You can’t do this, OP. It’s appallingly rude and inconsiderate. Totally naff.

If you want to have a party go to your own house for the day.

LaBelleSauvage · 29/08/2019 22:10

Surely this is a reverse

Who would do that??!

CandyLeBonBon · 29/08/2019 22:15

Not without permission op, I wouldn't!

BertrandRussell · 29/08/2019 22:15

Who would think it was OK to invite your best friend round when you were house and pet sitting at your mums?
Practically everyone in real life.

MouthyHarpy · 29/08/2019 22:22

Who would do that? Someone with no manners

BertrandRussell · 29/08/2019 22:39

Once again- just so i’m sure. You’re child is living in your house for two weeks at your request while you’re away. You would be furious if your child invited their best friend round for dinner during that two weeks. Is that right?

RosesAndRaindrops · 29/08/2019 22:42

I like how it's gone to "just a birthday dinner with your best friend" from the OP of birthday BBQ with friend, partner, and kids as a belated birthday get together - even though the birthday was 6 weeks ago and they've seemingly waited until they've got the run of MIL's house to host it instead Grin

StoppinBy · 29/08/2019 23:56

There are some pretty boring people in the world if a small bbq with one extra family and no alcohol is considered a party Hmm

burnoutbabe · 30/08/2019 00:04

I'd be a bit bemused if I was asked to house sit, having to give up my space for a week, camp in someone's spare room, work out their cooker etc to be told that no guests are allowed, you must be social recluses for the week. Surely must be some upsides to the house sitting? It's a pretty big favour to ask someone to do really.

FeeFee832 · 30/08/2019 00:10

Your partner? I'm confused... who's birthday?! Your partner or DH?!