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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think the police were out of order?

553 replies

Cailleachian · 29/08/2019 00:13

DS1 (18) has chronic insomnia. A about 6 month back, he started taking nightwalks as a way of wearing himself out and clearing his mind. Sometimes DS2 (17) keeps him company, Tonight, they went out for a walk about 11pm and about 1/2hour later DS2 came bolting in the door, shouting "Mum, Mum, its the police". My first thought was that one of them had got in a fight or been hurt.

I answered the door and a male and female police officer are standing there with DS1. The man asks to come in, telling me that he is here to charge DS2 with breach of the peace.

It transpires that they were stopped by the woman, who was questioning them about why they were walking about and whether they were from a "unit"(?!) when the man came over and started shouting at them and demanding to search them. DS1 was searched, but when DS2 was searched apparently he kept backing away, at which point the man grabbed his hands and pinned him against a wall. DS2 then swore at him repeatedly. Thoughout being told this DS2 is very upset, keeps interrupting the man over minutiae (and at times I felt like was trying to sort out DS1 and DS2's squabbles), but ultimately both of them agree that this is what happened.

In the end he didnt charge him, but to be honest, I'm a bit outraged that he even considered it. I dont know why my sons were stopped (acting suspiciously, out late at night while under 18, area where breakins happen were all reasons I was given). I dont know why he wasnt able to de-escalate a stop and search without physical aggression. And above all I dont understand why he thought it was a child protection issue, given that the only person that assaulted him in the street at night was the policeman himself.

Go-on Mumsnet, give me your best pearl clutching.

OP posts:
Nicknacky · 30/08/2019 23:13

Oh on further googling I see there are a number of forces that do them. Not the op’s though

elasticfantastic · 30/08/2019 23:36

If other forces are doing them there's no reason the OPs couldn't.. she could contact them and see if they'd consider it.. it might start something that could be a good experience for OP and the force. 🤷🏻‍♀️ I'd say go on the force website and contact them to ask if it's something they'd consider. The worst they can do is say no.

Nicknacky · 30/08/2019 23:52

They won’t just allow her to do it. The other forces that do it have specific schemes set up for them and the person has to apply and be vetted.

elasticfantastic · 31/08/2019 01:34

I know they won't just allow her to do it but I'm just saying there's no reason to contact them.. all the other forces had to have the schemes started by someone taking up the cause.. it's got promotion project stamped all over it for some boss GrinGrin I'm also a police officer.. I think there have been quite a few of us on this thread.

elasticfantastic · 31/08/2019 01:35

Bloody typing on my phone... no reason NOT to contact them!

Nicknacky · 31/08/2019 02:25

And Police Scotland is my force so I know it well!😂

Original poster
Cailleachian · 31/08/2019 05:38

OK. Scrap everything I said above. I dont feel safe here any more.

Hundred of fascists just turned up.

Nightwalks are cancelled for the foreseeable.

OP posts:
nononever · 31/08/2019 05:49

OK. Scrap everything I said above. I dont feel safe here any more.

Hundred of fascists just turned up.

That's a bit strong and a bit of an overreaction Hmm

SofiaAmes · 31/08/2019 06:14

When my ds was brandishing a 10" kitchen knife in my back yard off his head on drugs (and completely psychotic and manic) and having just tried to choke dd and threatened me, the 6 police officers confronting him asked him why he was holding the knife and talked him down.....however they were all pointing rifles at him while doing so.... (we're in Los Angeles). Note that I later found out that the rifles were actually bean bag guns, but still looked pretty dangerous to me.

I do have to say that in that incident, I was thoroughly impressed by how perfectly the police acted (in a city not known for good police behavior) and clearly had been trained on how to deal with someone who was mentally ill and having an episode. I'm sure it helped that we are white and live in a very naice neighborhood.

Nicknacky · 31/08/2019 06:31

“Fascists”? Who are you talking about?

Original poster
Cailleachian · 31/08/2019 06:41

British loyalists. They've just created merry hell here.

And there's an old firm game this weekend.

OP posts:
Nicknacky · 31/08/2019 06:44

Ah, I get what you are talking about now! I saw all that on the news.

nononever · 31/08/2019 06:57

Jeez, I though you meant on this thread, not practically on your doorstep!

Original poster
Cailleachian · 31/08/2019 08:24

Ok, am picking up more info (which might explain the S&S/plain clothes police). Apparently there have been people going round the area for the last few days, esp at Thursday's Rangers game handing out leaflets encouraging loyalists to turn up.

Its possible they've been clocked by police wandering around while the police have been on alert for this, but police may not have wanted to mention it directly.

So far I've had two reports of locals beaten up, including a woman being dragged along the ground by her hair.

This is fucking horrific.

OP posts:
FrancisCrawford · 31/08/2019 08:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MollyButton · 31/08/2019 08:47

Gosh! OP. Stay safe and keep your boys safe.

yulet · 31/08/2019 08:56

Quick - call the police and remind them to just smile nicely and be gentle, as that will entirely de-escalate the situation and stop all the smoke bombs Grin

Ilikethisone · 31/08/2019 09:04

And this is the point OP.

You, in your head, couldnt comprehend why 2 (usually) well behaved teenagers would be stopped and then scratched and then end up in a police car for swearing. Why they would be extremely concerned that one had is hands in his pockets and one backed away.

The police usually have far more information that you do. While you see 2 harmless teenage boys. The police are looking for violent adults, even young adults or teens, out to create problems. And need to be vigilant.

People told you in the first few pages that plain clothes officers do not just patrol routinely and that it will have been part of a larger operation.

This is why your sons need to know how to behaviour when speaking to police. Because they have no clue what information the police have or what they are out doing. Speaking to them with respect and answering their questions may have just ended with 'looks theres been some violent crime around hee ita nor safe to be out/ we I'll give you a lift home's

Or something fat less dramatic.

Oblomov19 · 31/08/2019 09:11

Blimey. This thread is an eye opener !

SchadenfreudePersonified · 31/08/2019 09:16

So far I've had two reports of locals beaten up, including a woman being dragged along the ground by her hair.
This is fucking horrific.

Surely you can quietly approach them and gently talk them out of violence?

Aridane · 31/08/2019 11:24

I do think I may be somewhat naive. I have broken up a knife-fight once, at the bottom of my old close, basically by talking calmly to both of the men circling each other until one got distracted enough to let the other run for it, dropping the knife on the way out. (But I accept that might have not turned out so well.)

Except there the aggression was between two men and not directed at you

ThatCurlyGirl · 31/08/2019 11:36

@ProfessorSlocombe

When you get a chance - you asked me a direct question that accused me of saying that breaking the law is acceptable. I answered you so it would be good for you to at least acknowledge my response. Otherwise it was pretty poor form to ask me a direct question requesting a response, which I have given you.

As @ProfessorSlocombe never responded to my direct answer I'll assume they realised that their question to me was poorly considered and asked purely to make a point that didn't make any sense.

I hope they realise the lack of response indicates that my answer was unexpected, honest and didn't allow them to continue a biased narrative that reinforced their opinion so they ignored it.

Sensible debate is reliant upon people asking questions and actually considering the answers. If you accuse another poster of agreeing with lawbreaking then at least respond to the answer! I'm sorry you didn't feel able to do this, what a shame.

MagpieSong · 31/08/2019 16:30

Was Sheku Bayoh the man on bath salts or something who had been carrying a knife, who died during the arrest? I got a bit lost on that bit! I recognise the name, but can't remember all the details.

OP, that makes a lot of sense. Interesting conclusion to this thread, thanks for updating.

pikapikachu · 31/08/2019 17:18

If someone was coming towards me with a sword, in a situation where I had responsibility for de-arming them, I'd do my best to establish a rapport with them, try to understand how they came to be in that situation and get them to put the sword down.
*
My instinct would have been to talk him down.*

Funniest post of the thread^^😂😂😂

This person is needed in Syria talking down ISIS executioners lol

Do you think that someone who's holding a sword is in their right mind? If they are on drugs they won't hear or understand a word you say.

drinkygin · 31/08/2019 22:00

YANBU. Totally agree. My 14 year old daughter was pinned against a wall by a policewoman as there were reports of kids her age causing trouble. Was only that her friends dad who was waiting outside the shop in the car for them went over and told the police woman that they were with him and she was released. My daughter, who has never attracted any attention from the police, was crying hysterically as she was scared, to be told “you must have done something to be so upset or why would you be crying”???. No wonder young people don’t trust the police. So heavy handed and OTT. Total power trip.