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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

11 yo DD & Hotter Shoes

289 replies

TheClitterati · 28/08/2019 23:54

X took DD school shoe shopping. We discussed getting DM,s or Clark's. DD now has a pair of Hotter black school shoes. Aren't they for the over 50's?
Will this potentially ruin dds first year at high school?

WIBU to raise the matter and suggest we return them?

NB: This would also mean I'd have to spend this weekend looking for School shoes.

AIBU?
WWYD?

OP posts:
Thread gallery
7
Original poster
TheClitterati · 29/08/2019 00:19

She's got her own style but not huge on trends. But just starting to develop that. She's been in shorts and T-shirt all summer, but end of year 6 "prom" HmmHmm caused her much anxiety when most girls went nuts over polyester dresses etc. So she is starting to feel it.

She's starting to find her own style. I do think while school shoes aren't about style, this may be a leap too far.

OP posts:
ParkheadParadise · 29/08/2019 00:19

My mum had those shoes, she was 80

If she likes them I'd let her wear them😊

RandomMess · 29/08/2019 00:19

Honestly I think she will get bullied...

StudentHelp · 29/08/2019 00:20

I’m 20 and much prefer them to the Clark’s shoes

Original poster
TheClitterati · 29/08/2019 00:20

t’s the soles, with no definition between the heel and the rest of the sole, that mark them out as old lady shoes

Yes I get this. DD read that as being as close to a trainer as she could get.

OP posts:
Bambamber · 29/08/2019 00:22

If she likes them I would let her keep them.

What kind of message would it send to her if you returned these shoes on the off chance she will get bullied? Should we all aim to blend in and be sheep because other people can be assholes?

TemporaryPermanent · 29/08/2019 00:24

Its never too early to learn that comfortable feet are unfeminine and unacceptable.

i would consider taking them back, yes. I only ever wear hotter shoes because i have terrible feet, and at last i never have blisters or uncomfortable feet. But girls can be merciless. You coild just change the insoles of course.

Suze1621 · 29/08/2019 00:24

My 88 year old mum has these exact shoes - says they are very comfy. I wouldn't wear them for a few decades yet.

Nanny0gg · 29/08/2019 00:25

I normally have a problem with any hint of ageism on here, but I'm late 60s and wouldn't wear Hotter shoes.

And if her friends see the label...

Change them.

Pickledbanana · 29/08/2019 00:25

Hmm-id probably try to find something else tbh.I feel your pain. I had to talk (gently) my dd (10) out of a bizarre pair of shoes in our independent shop that looked like bowling shoes. Even the shop assistant seemed reluctant to let her try them on Grin

StudentHelp · 29/08/2019 00:26

www.pinterest.co.uk/pin/422001427562750067/

I wore these to school from about year 9 onwards and before that I wore ballet flats, I was bullied for all things from being academic and shit at sports to wearing contact lenses and having flushed cheeks but never for my shoes.

The point being, if bullies want to target her they’ll find something and if she likes them I’d let her wear them

Bookworm4 · 29/08/2019 00:28

There’s finding your style and turning up for high school in a pair of nuns shoes!
Please return them, they are dreadful and she will be teased mercilessly.

whattodo2019 · 29/08/2019 00:28

Sorry but I agree that she will be highly likely to be teased.

Penny loafers or brogues are a much safer option

Original poster
TheClitterati · 29/08/2019 00:28

I'm a massive fan of the comfy shoe and the intention was absolutely to get comfortable sturdy black lace up shoes.

I'm not sure how much she likes them and how much was "I spent 5 hours shoe shopping with Dad is this heat, there is very little available and I want this to stop now. These feel good."

OP posts:
EmJay19 · 29/08/2019 00:29

She’ll be teased! They are definitely granny shoes. What about these:

www.kickers.co.uk/adult-tovni-lacer-p6309

Says 10% off first order online.
There are lots of different ones - I I often see schoolgirls on the bus in shoes like this.
The difference is subtle but important if trying to fit in - we all know what teenage girls are like....

Other kickers:

www.kickers.co.uk/women-c3/shoes-c29

Bookworm4 · 29/08/2019 00:29

Wait? You sent her shoe shopping for high school with her Dad? 🙄🙄

Chocmallows · 29/08/2019 00:30

I read your post thinking you were being really fussy. Then saw the images...I have to agree they really look like 80+ super soft shoes. Maybe with thinner smaller laces they would look a tiny bit less awful. I would swap ASAP.

Original poster
TheClitterati · 29/08/2019 00:31

Ooh the kickers are good thanks. Dd mentioned there were kickers she really liked but they didn't have her size.

OP posts:
0DimSumMum0 · 29/08/2019 00:34

To be fair I think this style is quite in fashion at that moment and I don't personally think they are that bad. I think she could get away with them!!

Original poster
TheClitterati · 29/08/2019 00:34

@Bookworm4 yeah I know! I do everything else. Shoes have always been his thing but he always waits until the last weekend so there's fuck all left.

He's actually quite stylish and much more so than I am. But he's fucked up here.

OP posts:
iVampire · 29/08/2019 00:35

I agree you need to ditch your ageism IP.

Shoes don’t care how many birthdays the wearer has had. Your DD doesn’t care about who manufactures the shoes she likes.

Just you, whiffling on about your utterly misplaced assumptions about age and suitability. And no, your own age is not hugely relevant - people of any age can spout ageist crap

GibbonLover · 29/08/2019 00:35

Did she actually choose these shoes herself then? Also, did her Dad really take her shoe shopping or did he delegate that duty to his own mother?

I mean, if she chose them herself and actually likes them then that's fine but I can't help but think someone will pipe up 'My nan's got shoes just like that!' For crying out loud though, don't exchange them for a pair of penny loafers, not just because they are vile but because 'My grandad's got those shoes!'. The Clarks, on the other hand, are rather nice, I wouldn't mind a pair of those.

MollyButton · 29/08/2019 00:38

They're better made shoes and if she likes them - then that's fine.
Converse would be banned at DCs school too.
And actually I've seen girls from some of the posh girls school in similar shoes.

recklessruby · 29/08/2019 00:39

Sorry OP i think you re going back to the shoe shop. They do look like old lady shoes.I m 51 and wouldn't wear them, my gran had some similar at age 94 over 10 years ago.
I dont agree with being a slave to fashion but secondary school girls can be horrible and first impressions stick.
Who remembers the "pork pie " shoes of the 80s?
I bet Maria F in my class does. She was teased all term for having some

PerspicaciaTick · 29/08/2019 00:40

If you can afford to be replacing them before half term, then let her keep them and wear them until the appeal wears off.
If you can't afford to bin them after a few wears, I'd take them back for a refund now and find something less ugly.

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