11 yo DD & Hotter Shoes

[TheClitterati]

X took DD school shoe shopping. We discussed getting DM,s or Clark's. DD now has a pair of Hotter black school shoes. Aren't they for the over 50's?
Will this potentially ruin dds first year at high school?

WIBU to raise the matter and suggest we return them?

NB: This would also mean I'd have to spend this weekend looking for School shoes.

AIBU?
WWYD?

Dd aged 16 says you have to take them back, they’re very old lady. Sorry if that’s ageist but dd reckons she will be teased terribly otherwise.

What kind of message would it send to her if you returned these shoes on the off chance she will get bullied? Should we all aim to blend in and be sheep because other people can be assholes?

This ^

If they're comfortable and she likes them what's the problem?

My son didn't give a flying crap what shoes he had, we went for hush puppies as he walks to school and back quite a long way and needed something soft. No bullying issues at all despite HP being a bit of a frumpy brand. Maybe girls are different, although I don't remember footwear being a 'thing' when I was at school or if it was I just didn't join in and no one cared (brossette flats with grolsh tops if memory serves)

I used to have a lovely pair of hotter shoes, red with a strap. Got loads of complements so much so I got a second pair when they wore out.

Follow your daughter's lead and don't create issues where they don't yet exist.

One of mine had the Start Rite brogues for years and now her feet have stopped growing has DM brogues (same pair has lasted her three years so far, we coloured in the yellow stitching with sharpie to make them school legal). Other switched to the school version DMs last year (they have black stitching) and has been very happy with them. More initial outlay for me on DM but they seem to be absolutely bullet proof and they both walk a lot during the day

Are Kickers still in? They were all the rage when I was at high school in the 90s. I don’t feel quite so old now.

Please take them back. I was bullied at 11 for having the wrong shoes. It’s not about “your friends will like you anyway” it’s about people literally coming up to you in the corridors and ripping the piss. (Obviously you hope the school won’t be like that, but mine was v naice and hardly a bullying hot bed so personally I wouldn’t take the risk. Shoes and bags matter so ridiculously much at that age).

Get her DM's or kickers. I had DM's throughout school and they were like slippers once they'd broken in and moulded to my feet. Wish I'd kept them! Several decades later and I miss them.

What kind of message would it send to her if you returned these shoes on the off chance she will get bullied? Should we all aim to blend in and be sheep because other people can be assholes

I think this too. Plenty of posts on MN about "menchildren" and their pointless mothers who didn't teach them to tidy up after themselves. But I get judgey about mums who don't stop their daughters bullying other girls about their appearance, and who encourage their daughters to thread their eyebrows, shave their legs etc way before their time.

Yes girls want to fit in at school. But in this case the OP's dd has chosen the shoes herself, she's not being told she has to wear something unfashionable by her mother (which is what happened to me - and DH).

Just showed my (pretty conservative) 12 and 15 year olds who reckons that those would be a bully magnet.

My dd (14) would literally die rather than have those! Definitely something her grandma would wear! Take them back or you'll just end up buying another pair a few weeks into the term.

Get her some DMs, Clarkes brogues, Startright etc.

My dd had the Clarks clumpy brogues from the first picture, chosen over a similar DM surprisingly.

The other dd always gets Hamble Oaks.

It sounds like your dd chose the shoes because she was sick of looking at shoes and any she did like the look of she couldn’t get in her size.

I’d buy shoes online fast and present them as alternatives.

It’s OK all us adults saying ‘she should be able to wear what she likes’ as the reality is she’s an eleven year old going to a new school.

I was in a similar flap myself as my dd insisted on wearing a vest when she went into year seven and I was worried she should have a crop top. We’d moved from a hot country so she was freezing and she didn’t really understand getting changed for PE as she’d never done that before and naturally didn’t listen to a word I said. 🙄 Anyway, she wore the vest and was bewildered when I asked her if anyone had said anything. ‘Why would anyone care what I wear? People are nice’. So that told me.

My friends 12 yo had some lovely Hotter sandals this summer, which made me feel much better about mine, which my 12 yo then stole daily.

I don't think either of them would wear those black ones, but equally they'd not make fun of anyone for their shoes

Goodness me, the attitudes on this thread! It’s no surprise we have an issue with bullying over shoes when children have this example set for them! To all the people who showed their kids and their kids sneered - I hope you had words with them.

I have terrible feet due to a complex medical condition and therefore have to wear comfortable shoes. I see women staring at my shoes all the time with sneery faces. Dreadful.

The ageism on here is bloody shocking!! I am 33 and suffer with excruciating arthritis. I love my hotter boots and sandals. No one has ever done anything but compliment my foot wear and I can actually walk in their shoes and not hobble around in pain because they have extra padding in the soles.

It only takes one child to recognise them. but to be fair, most kids and their parents are not in the 'age range' ( trying not to be ageist here) to shop there,so chances are minimal as long as you cover any in sole branding if there is any .

@BarbarAnna My kids didn’t sneer at them, they’re very live and let live - but they did recognise them as the kind of shoes that would attract bullying from others.

I normally have a problem with any hint of ageism on here, but I'm late 60s and wouldn't wear Hotter shoes.

I'm 72 and wouldn't wear them either. Fortunately for me, with wiiiiiiide feet, I discovered Vionic last summer. A brand with modern styling that I'm comfortable in? Wow! Wonderful. Now I'm not limited to just Waldlaufers. .

Also if she has the right shoes she probably won’t have the right hair or make up, or bag or pencil case or be the right weight or have the right sized boobs or maybe she likes reading too much or maybe she’s no good at maths or she’ll trip up in the corridor on the first day ... whatever happens people (like most of you on here) will find something to rip the piss out of her for so why bother what she wears?

Omg, OP, those shoes are woeful.

@iamthere123 totally agree

They look OK.

If they're comfier than the Clarks, then bonus.

At least they're not Cosyfeet.

My ds school has a similar rule regarding shoes and I reckon any girl wearing those would be sent home as they look too much like trainers. Kickers seem to be fine though.

I flinched when I looked at them, sorry. As another one who was laughed at for the clothes I had, I would be concerned about your DD wearing those to a new school. Although I know nothing about what's acceptable these days, I remember all too well how much it mattered to fit in with the majority (which I didn't, all my stuff was unbranded from a market stall). I agree with NerrSnerr, it's just about not standing out.

Of course kids shouldn't be horrible to each other about this sort of stuff. But they are sometimes, and you don't know if she'll get lucky. I would definitely get alternatives if that's possible.

My DD14 looked at them and said is her mum having a laugh? I did say the dad was responsible 🤣

They’re bog standard black lace ups that your daughter’s happy with, OP. It looks as if the child’s the sensible one here.