I've been told I dress too smartly at work...

[Appletina]

and I've been told I need to dress more casually.

I tend to wear smart day dresses, or skirts with a top or blouse, from places like Hobbs, Reiss, Jaeger. I don't wear jackets or blazers or full on suits. I wear low heels.

I work with the public and apparently my dress sense could be perceived as intimidating and so I am to dress more casually... I think that's a ridiculous and patronising thing to say about the great British public!

AIBU to continue to keep dressing as I am?

I think your clothing sounds fine for most jobs really unless there’s a reason dresses and heels aren’t practical.

hmmm if a day dress and a cardie is making people feel intimidated I'd wonder at that - surely your manner is more important? It does seem that you are on a hiding to nothing with your current manager if they said it though, I'd say the relevant fact is that you're not a good match with whoever made the comment and I'd be thinking to transfer teams. It's not drastic but there's clearly a difference in outlook there.

Dresses suit me better than trousers & I'm more comfortable in them, I don't know why toleration in clothing can only go one way to people that like less formal looks, I don't care what anyone else wears, and equally I don't see why they'd care how I look.

It’s not business / corporate. So what is it? Of course your work environment will make a difference to whether this makes sense or not.
If you’re wearing a twinset and pearls on the back of a bin truck you’ll obviously stand out a bit (more so if you’re a bloke...)

Not sure how anyone can vote either way if OP isnt saying who told her this or why. Or the nature of her job.

Working with the public, isnt really explaining the nature of the job.

If her boss is telling her because the boss has recieved feedback from clients/service users, then she should take it on board.

Are you sitting behind a desk at the unemployment centre wearing a tiara?

Would it be okay if you wore a £30 Next dress OP? Because how can they really tell the difference between that and a Hobbs dress?

I did a psychiatric placement during the 1980's where DMs were de riguer.

It wasn't for the benefit of the patients. It was all about the staff showing how alternative they were and making a political statement.

I'm going to hazard a wee guess that this is a similar situation. The public, in all likelihood won't give a shit, but for some reason either the OP's manager or members of their team have decided that OP stands out.

I'd have a chat to HR op and see what their take is. I'd also make a diary note of the conversation. It feels a bit like bullying.

As a people manager, I've had to tell people several times not to wear certain items (mainly low cut tops and trousers that sag off their arse, because I don't want to see your bum crack every time you bend over the printer love)

In 30 odd years of people managing, (albeit in call centres) I have never had to tell someone they were dressing "too smart".

So OP was this someone who you direct report to, or just a random colleague?

I think the OP should continue to dress as she does. The thing that makes you most approachable to anyone is a warm smile.

I think any dress code significantly different from smart casual (and a dress and cardie would be fine within that) that wants a rigid presentation should provide a uniform.

At my previous job I didn't wear Converse & leggings because (forgive me OP) as also short and round I would have looked an absolute bugger and that would have undermined my self-confidence and performance.

Imagine this is a male dominated website......would there be a need for a man to even contemplate a thread like this? No, because no bugger would comment on a man's clothes.

If you're a woman you're either:
Too smart or too scruffy
Wearing too much make up for not enough
Hair too long or too short and then might be the right length and style but not the right colour
Too fat or too thin
Skirt too short or too long
Top too low or not low enough
Clothes too tight or too loose
Shoes too high or too flat
You're wrong if you have children and wrong if you don't have children
Wrong if you're a SAHM and wrong if you're a working mum
Wrong if you breastfeed and wrong if you don't
Wrong if you get drunk and wrong if you don't drink
either eat too much or not eat enough......

I mean FFS as a woman we can't actually do anything right in this society!!!

Sorry for the rant. as you were.

OP wear what the fuck you want and tell the fuckers who comment to fuck right off.

Bloody hell, since when is nice dress and cardigan too smart?

I agree dressing nicely is one small way of showing respect for yourself and the people you are dealing with - although I wouldn't agree that the opposite of true.

Dressing down does not make you more approachable. Approachability comes from your manners, attitude and character.

"Why is the OP now getting it in the neck for declining to reveal where she works and her job title? "

I think it's more that you could easily say, "I work in social work with young people" say, and there's no way that would be outing so why not just say that.

It's like the threads where people are moaning about their husband's hobby involving overnight camping sessions with a female but won't say what the hobby is.

Imagine this is a male dominated website......would there be a need for a man to even contemplate a thread like this? No, because no bugger would comment on a man's clothes

That’s actually bollocks.

Men are far more likely to dress too smartly and be told to adjust on my industry than women.

This isn't true, there was an example already given about a DH being told to dress more casually and my DH was told after his last move that he needed a more formal smart casual for day to day wear.

It's hard to say without knowing roughly what your job is!

Well, there were a lot of comments in my old workplace about suitable attire for all staff male and female. It’s really not that uncommon for workplaces to have dress codes. I don’t get how this is a female-only issue.

It’s impossible to tell what the specific issue is with the OP’s dress. She doesn’t sound particularly overdressed. I can’t help but wonder if this was just a random comment from someone in her workplace rather than an official chat. In which case, I’d just ignore it.

I'd LOVE to know who told you this OP?

Male? or female

I struggle to think that a bloke would even notice - this sounds like the politics of office envy...

What you are wearing is professional and considered. I'd challenge the reasons behind this and scale up if necessary.

My role is creative, Dress down Fridays always made me laugh because not one single person at my office EVER wore anything they needed to dress down from. they were acceptable office wear for 4 days and bloody scruffy for the friday

You should always dress appropriately for the situation. It’s what all parents teach their children.

Adults have to do it too.

OP is there a formal dress code? What do the men in your enviroment wear?

Women are judged far more on appearance than men which may explain someone feeling entitled to comment on your style buut doesn't in itself justify a change.

In the NHS, ward clerks and receptionists wear a corporate uniform, okay so it’s cheap, badly fitted polyester but wouldn’t a woman in a suit jacket over a blouse sitting behind a counter intimidate some patients? Never heard of it being complained about though.

I’m sure if OP went in wearing a dress over leggings and sandals she would be too casual and the wealthier clients would not feel confident in her ability or some bullshit.

The other post is correct - women cannot win.

I can’t understand your issue. Is it the pashmina that you have a problem with? Well, a bit, yes. Partly because of the below:

What women and men do to soften/deformalise their look will be different.

If the advice had been for the OP to wear some informal trousers and a not-crisp shirt, as you suggest happens to men, that would be slightly less infuriating. Things like pashminas and 'softer colours' are very cliched 'woman's' things.

Tonnerre, You mean she should just change the way she dresses without even asking why?

She's been told why, it's right there in the first post.

What I mean more precisely is that the OP has a right to ask what it is specifically about her clothes that is 'intimidating'. Or, more to the point, to know whether there has actually been feedback to this effect from the public or whether, as the OP says, her dress sense 'could be perceived as intimidating'. The obvious question being, to whom?

I'd also be interested to hear what her boss (if it is a boss) says if the OP got a chance to put to them what she says here: that the idea of them finding her clothes 'intimidating' is 'a ridiculous and patronising thing to say'.

It really depends on your job and your job level. So, I don't think I can tell if YABU or not.

But, if you are way better dressed than your colleagues and roles above you, then I'd rethink how I dressed.

Yes, what does the actual dress code say?

Are you the poster who thought she must dress smartly to fly business class?

What’s wrong with a pashmina? That seems to have sparked loads of comments. Sometimes you just have to fit in. I’d happily wear a smart LK Bennet/Hobbs dress, heels and a mulberry handbag in an office in London. I probably wouldn’t rock up wearing the same in week 1 of a provincial public sector or charity environment.

Men have it easier in that a suit is generally fine in most sectors but I’ve seen my husband dress up and down depending on which sector he’s been in. There have been little things like cufflinks being essential in some and not in others, casual Friday’s have been different in different sectors etc.