I've been told I dress too smartly at work...

[Appletina]

and I've been told I need to dress more casually.

I tend to wear smart day dresses, or skirts with a top or blouse, from places like Hobbs, Reiss, Jaeger. I don't wear jackets or blazers or full on suits. I wear low heels.

I work with the public and apparently my dress sense could be perceived as intimidating and so I am to dress more casually... I think that's a ridiculous and patronising thing to say about the great British public!

AIBU to continue to keep dressing as I am?

I saw a similar thread yesterday I think. A lady was told she didn’t have the right look for her job or something, by a senior male colleague!

Is this you OP? Is this his explanation of what he said?

Was it your manager who told you this? Perhaps you look more senior than her dressed that way and she’s intimidated by it?

in the NHS..... wouldn’t a woman in a suit jacket over a blouse sitting behind a counter intimidate some patients?
Only if she was also wearing a Scream mask?
Who are these people, and what in God’s name do they expect to see sitting on the other side of a desk?!

Why shouldn’t she be better dressed than colleagues or bosses?

It’s like the Middle Ages: only royalty allowed to wear ermine, only the nobility allowed to wear sable, merchants’ wives can wear rabbit fur only, everyone knows their place. Especially the women, eh?

Imagine this is a male dominated website......would there be a need for a man to even contemplate a thread like this? No, because no bugger would comment on a man's clothes.
Male workplace outfits are much more limited in scope typically.

Certainly if I look at my area of work this would be the profile:

Smart business men's attire: full suit and tie, smart polished shoes.
Business casual (where most men sit): smart work trousers, shirt and tie, jumper or cardigan or jacket/waistcoat depending on personal style. Smart polished shoes.

Both the above includes groomed facial hair/ shaved and neat head hair.

Smart business women's attire: smart dress/skirt/trousers with blouse and jacket, smart polished shoes (usually a 0.5-1.5inch heel), very little make-up and groomed hair.

Business casual women's (where most of us sit): mix and match office type attire, slacks / skirts with blouses and jackets/cardigans. Smart sandals, flat shoes or small heels. Makeup mixed between nothing and light, hair is tidy but not necessarily immaculate.

Casual or inappropriate for workplace attire women's: casual skirts with flip flops, low cut tops, dresses that fit more in a bar for drinks than work, 4 inch heels, face full of makeup, jeans as trousers, leggings as trousers, flip flops/Birkenstocks, skirts or dresses that are so short students sitting behind as you lean over could probably see you bum, excessively blingy jewellery etc.

I've not seen men in the equivalent type clothing at work.

It's totally right for women to call out sexist principles in the workplace, but we can't have an issue with being held to a similar level of presentation as men in similar jobs.

Hv around here were advised to dress down. They work in wide spectrum of areas. They did find that they got better results and were taken more seriously when trying to provide intervention as service users on lower incomes found them more relatable.

I don’t think the make up bit of your post is entirely right @lolasmiles. That’s a whole different thing, you can be wearing a lot of make up to achieve a ‘natural’ look. A ‘face full of make up’ probably means a going out look which I agree is not usually work appropriate, however in hospitality I have been told to do make up that for me was pretty much a night look. Jeans are also acceptable in some roles.

I'm unsure which role OP works in but I've been a client of several public service roles recently- psychiatrist, psychologist, gp, charity worker, for example - all dressed smartly & I appreciated it as I believe it shows their respect for their clients.

When people in public roles dress scruffily it says two things to me.

1. I'm patronising you by dressing down & 2) I'm disrespecting you.

My first psychologist was a very stylish dresser she wore fitted dresses with high heels & was well groomed.
I looked forward to seeing what outfit she'd be wearing, & because she was smart it motivated me to make an effort with my own appearance even though I felt depressed!

In a lot of MH services many workers do dress down but not locally it seems & im glad.

I have to wear a uniform tunic & trousers for work, I bought my own smart navy slim cut M&S trousers instead of wearing the ill fitting hospital trousers & some comfy but feminine black leather flat shoes instead of black trainers. I always iron my tunic & look groomed.
I believe that looking smart reflects my professionalism & shows respect to my patients.

I think OP is wearing very expensive clothing but maybe she can afford to? As long as she's good at her job whatever it is I don't see the problem.

I wonder how long it will be before uniforms are regarded as scary.🙄🙄

Although I guess your referring to teaching seeing as you mention students. Tbh I don’t see why jeans aren’t acceptable in schools but that’s a whole other thread 🤷🏻‍♀️

AravisTarkheena
I'm talking about a full face of caked on makeup.

Some people may use a range of products and look natural. They don't look like they've got a full face of makeup on though. If make up is applied to look natural then people won't notice it.

If people stick a full face of slap on and think the world is going to believe their cheeks and brow bones happen to be covered in glittery highlighter or they happen to have a really dark contour under their cheeks then that's not natural make up.

Ah teaching or lecturing right?

Well I've been a student & took the smarter dressed more professional looking tutors more seriously.

Nothing worse than teachers trying to be 'down with the kids' just patronising.
Schoolchildren & students will have to deal with smartly dressed colleagues in the workplace after all.

Tbh I don’t see why jeans aren’t acceptable in schools but that’s a whole other thread 🤷🏻‍♀️
Because as adults we have a duty to look smart and presentable. We tell our students (rightly) that there are dress expectations, be it a uniform or a dress code depending on the school.
For example, I don't believe any teacher has credibility telling students to stop complaining about the heat in summer when they're dressed for the beach and the kids are in uniform. That's beyond the realms of reasonable.

I'm a fan of dress codes for staff and students though.

I often wore denim jeans and boots to work because clothes can be a barrier when you are trying to develop a rapport with your vulnerable client. I wore dresses too and got called a posh bitch by a client! I also wore black business suits when I had too. It is very much about what image you need, to get the result you want or need. YABU if you can't see that.

Sounds ridiculous Op - who told you this? Male or female? What does the dress code say? As long as you're within the bounds of the dress code, then continue as you are if that's what you're comfortable wearing.

That's a weird one to hear ! but take advantage of it. Wear comfy jeans and trainers to work .... my kind of heaven

We came home by train the other day and my sister and I both commented on the fact that everyone waiting on the various London train stations looked so bloody scruffy.

Like it or not you are viewed by your outfit and, I'm afraid to say, for every customer or client who thinks you're the bees knees in your torn jeans, there's another who thinks you look like you've not managed to get home to change that morning. And they are judging your work ethic and your commitment by that. I'd rather be dealt with by someone who is smartly dressed than by someone who looks like they're on a student rag week.

Maybe your work colleagues need to move up to your level OP. After all, it only takes a new manager with a smarter outlook on life to demand they smarten up. Fingers crossed.

I’ve had to vote YABU since we’re almost 150 comments on and OP will not answer the two questions that will render any comment on this thread relevant or irrelevant;
1, What her job is

1. Who made the comment (boss, senior staff, or colleague)
2. What your office dress code says

Without at least one of these three pieces of information, any comment is flying blind as after all, if the comment is from your boss, it doesn’t matter what any of us think, as you either need to take it on board or risk your job and none of us can give you give you an honest opinion anyway without knowing the job, so...

I regularly take my DC to various NHS clinics and all the non uniformed staff are invariably smartly dressed, whether consultants or receptionists. Why on earth would it be shocking to see someone in a suit behind an NHS desk?

I would follow their advice. I'd say your clothes are high end and expensive and would stand out where I work - university. My dh is a social worker and tends to dress down a bit, nothing formal or expensive looking.

Ultimately you've been told it's not appropriate so why wouldnt you change?

Agree that your job is important - are you way out of whack with your colleagues? Having said that, my old boss used to buy nothing but designer labels that she got in a dress agency because they were better made, better quality and she felt she got more wear out of them.

The OP has never mentioned teaching or students

TheUltimate, It perhaps shouldn't be the case that people feel alienated by a dress style that they don't adopt themselves, but it is very much real.

Sure, some people might feel that, but there are people on here who hold the opposite view. You can't please or second-guess everyone.

People are still missing the point that we don't know who told the OP this and what it was motivated by, so those saying she should (I'm paraphrasing, but not much, depressingly) just do what she's told are jumping the gun.

Yeah, why wouldn’t you change, OP? Do as you’re told. No arguments. No more wearing a dress and cardigan from ‘high end and expensive’ (!! Even if Hobbs, Jaeger etc were high end, are your colleagues inspecting the labels?) shops.

In the NHS..... wouldn’t a woman in a suit jacket over a blouse sitting behind a counter intimidate some patients?

A woman wearing a nice blouse and jacket is scary? Wtaf?

Op has said she meets people from all walks of life do should she take a multitude of clothes to.work so.if she is meeting someone from.'upper classes' she can smarten up then wear joggers and trainers for the lowly people on benefits in case a dress scares them?

What BS! A dress, flat shoes and a card I never intimidated anyone.