I've been told I dress too smartly at work...

[Appletina]

and I've been told I need to dress more casually.

I tend to wear smart day dresses, or skirts with a top or blouse, from places like Hobbs, Reiss, Jaeger. I don't wear jackets or blazers or full on suits. I wear low heels.

I work with the public and apparently my dress sense could be perceived as intimidating and so I am to dress more casually... I think that's a ridiculous and patronising thing to say about the great British public!

AIBU to continue to keep dressing as I am?

Ohh threads like this are frustrating! Just tell us what your job is! I promise you won’t suddenly find you have stalkers and identity thieves after you just because you’ve told us you work in a shop!

It depends. I'm a primary school teacher and I have multiple earrings and a nose ring.

I don't really ever dress 'smartly' unless for interviews but I'm always presentable.

Some schools have required me to present more 'conservatively' (e.g. remove piercings for work) because it's what the parents in those areas expect other schools have liked the fact I don't look like I'm part of the 'establishment' and so the parents find me more 'relatable'.

One school told me that it was close between another candidate and me and the fact I was clearly a bit 'alternative' was what swung it for them!

No idea if you’re over dressed or not, but you’re bloody annoying!

What is your job and who said this to you?

Not difficult questions to answer fgs

It’s absolutely possible to be dressed too smartly. If it’s someone senior telling you this, you need to take it on board.

And so the dumbing down of society continues! Poor OP, the clothes you describe sound perfectly normal to me, whatever sort of job you do. I would wear similar to go shopping! Not everyone wants to go to work dressed as if they have just fallen out of bed!!

I worked for a national charity oop north we dressed smartly. When head office come up from London they look like students and bag ladies. We thought engaging with the public in fundraising we should make the effort, make up nails, hair, clothes. They obviously didn`t, is it a regional thing I wonder?

Probably, in part. The "going out" look oop North is certainly much, much more "done" than in London where going out with full-on makeup, nails, heels etc would, well, not signify "stylish" for most working adults. Work wear trends are also increasingly towards the more casual/fashion-forward in all but the most conservative and staid businesses (even Goldman Sachs has introduced 'dress for your day') So yes, I'd expect a charity based in London to have a fairly informal dress code unless they regularly had to appear in court or something.

And so the dumbing down of society continues!

Nuanced, sector specific dress codes to convey a particular impression is not ‘dumbing down’.

Quite the opposite.

To be honest, when you talk about "a nice dress with a cardigan", I can see where they're coming from.

What?

I also think if your bosses say you're dressing wrong, you're dressing wrong. What a servile attitude. You mean she should just change the way she dresses without even asking why? Not to mention, we don't know if it's a boss saying it.

Hobbs, Reiss and Jaegar are definitely out of my price range for work clothes! Irrelevant.

You could probably keep your existing clothes but soften things by ditching the heals for flats, adding a cardi or pashmina and going for softer colours if you wear black.
Why the fuck should she 'soften' things? I wonder how many men would be told to 'soften' the way they dress.
Pashmina, my arse.

You need to do as you're told and change your outfit a bit.

Is it any fucking wonder I'm thinking of quitting

Why is the OP now getting it in the neck for declining to reveal where she works and her job title?

She has told us enough: she is public facing, doesn’t work with ill or homeless people and works across a range of social backgrounds.

She isn’t turning up to work in a Chanel suit and Louboutins, waving a Birkin. Hobbs, Jaeger and Reiss are not ‘designer’ shops. Wearing stuff from there isn’t going to intimidate people.

As for ‘if somebody senior tells you that you look too smart, dress down like a good little girl in case you GET INTO TROUBLE’...Christ.

Why the fuck should she 'soften' things? I wonder how many men would be told to 'soften' the way they dress.

It’s very common for men in creative industries or public focused roles to be told to ‘de formalise’ their attire. It’s not a gender thing.

Basketofkittens
It depends on the sector. T shirts and white stuff skirts look far too casual for a typical secondary school where business casual is the norm, but would be totally fine elsewhere.

LaurieMarlow
I agree that sector specific dress codes are helpful.

It's hard though when I worked in another sector and some people's work clothes were more like I would garden in or dash to the shops in. A few people felt that I was being too dressy, but dressy meant long top, leggings and cardigan / jeans, top, ballet flats. I just didn't want to wear ripped jeans, sportswear, hoodies etc to work as it wasn't me.

Laurie, what, with a fucking pashmina?

This whole thread is ridiculous.

Interestingly, people are often advised to dress for the job they want, not the job they have. Dressing smartly does encourage people to take you seriously, no matter how many people protest that no, they would never judge anybody on their appearance (what nonsense).

Who is advising the OP to be less smart? It couldn’t be somebody who is threatened by her competence and professional appearance, could it?

what, with a fucking pashmina?

Did I say that?

Men are often told to ditch a suit, formal trousers, crisp shirt and wear something more casual. It happens in my (fairly creative) industry all the time.

I can’t understand your issue. Is it the pashmina that you have a problem with?

What women and men do to soften / deformalise their look will be different.

It seems likely to me that whatever the sector is, it requires people to dress more casually. Your outfit is obviously out of sync with everyone else and also what is expected. I think you can maybe explain how the way you dress may benefit the customers/service users and if this doesn't work, than you will probably have to either change your outfits or expect to be let go.

Is it IKEA? I had a friend who worked there and was told off for wearing shirt and trousers (not even a suit!) and instructed to wear jeans in future.

Well, in general, people's bosses do get to have a view on how they dress for work, and ignoring your boss's feedback is not generally positive for your standing at work.

It is true that it's much easier for men to have a "neutral" option for work wear, whether that is suit and tie, open-necked shirt and suit trousers, or chinos and t-shirt. Whereas for women, every choice makes a statement of some sort. But work is work, bosses are bosses, and "too smart" can be as negative for your standing as "too casual".

So she should expect to be sacked for wearing a dress and a cardigan? Hahaha!

Go out with a bang, OP. Full on Elie Saab gown and diamonds.

Dressing smartly does encourage people to take you seriously

In certain industries and roles dressing too smartly can show that you don’t ‘get’ the industry and it’s norms.

You mean she should just change the way she dresses without even asking why?

She's been told why, it's right there in the first post.

sorry just to add - this all depends who has told you to change your look.
If its management then I would think about it more seriously, if it was a colleague or someone similar than I would ignore them or, if you are worried, have a word with management and see what their view is.

Why is the OP now getting it in the neck for declining to reveal where she works and her job title?

Because it's a bit pointless asking if she IBU without at least some information about the context?

appletina I'm guessing you work in a job centre or something similar. I think there is a sort of argument for being approachably dressed, because you need your clients to feel you can relate to them, and dressing in formal clothing could put barriers there. But a dress and cardi doesn't sound too formal. How does your supervisor know where your clothes come from? It could be Primark for all they know. Do you have a dress code in writing that you can look at? If so may be worth asking them to explain where you deviate from it.

The OP already gave information about what she does and who she works with. She doesn’t have to tell us everything about her job.