Would you pay?

[WendyBagina]

If you'd been invited to a baby shower, would you be happy if you were asked to pay for the food/activity? In this case, £20 per person for afternoon tea? If you weren't happy, would you decline the invite or would you complain to the organiser/grandma (to be)?

For what it's worth, I think baby showers are bullshit but let's not get into that debate this time...

I'm a bit superstitious and hate baby showers. I only really bought essentials for my own DD prior to arrival and as it was we only just about lived to tell the tale of her birth. I've been to baby showers but bought a gift for the mum to be. I then bought a separate gift for baby once it had arrived safely.

If I wanted to spend time with the group of people, then no, I wouldn't object to paying. If it was a large random group though, I'd decline.

Depending on who it is I would most likely decline. I hate afternoon tea, I am a savory person.

No, unless family. Likelihood of there not being many veg options would put me off. I do like afternoon tea and don't mind spending that amount but would want to make sure there was actual food I would enjoy. I also prefer to give a gift for the baby when it arrives. Pre babies arrival I would just buy a token gift for the mum eg. bath smellies.

Depends. I’ve been to an afternoon baby shower tea at a hotel and we all laid out own and then we also took our own gifts. I’ve also been to baby showers at a persons home, for that I wouldn’t expect to pay. I had my own baby shower st my own home, my sister organised it but she lives abroad but was here for the shower. Think I provided all the food myself.

Decline, with you they are sh_t!

Depends how I felt about Mum to be

I;d go. And pay. It's afternoon tea!!!!

@WendyBagina For me, it depends on whether I consider expecting mother to be a close friend/relative.

I was invited to a baby shower last year and was asked to pay £10 for myself and partner to attend, along with expectation to make the cake for free and buy gifts on top- not by the expecting mother, but her 'best friend'. This girl then took the money and didn't turn up to the day. I made the cake, bought some essentials for the baby, a gift for the expecting parents and we all chipped in for the food and drinks. Expecting mum now has a one year old, and is now my closest friend.

This seems possibly a clash of cultures thing. If you work in a high paying career and you friend is the first/one of the first to have a baby - then paying £20 to go to her baby shower seems fine - and you can always say no if you don't want to go.
However if you are the Aunt or other relative of the mother-to-be then you both feel obliged to go and may find paying £20 to go + a present might seem grabby and more than you can afford. (And its relatives who are most likely to be whinging to Grandma).

Could Grandma just pay for the relatives and the rest pay for themselves?

Omgg, I had a similar experience. Pay £20 for afternoon tea at a nice venue plus additional £20 or so to buy a joint present for mum to be. Will cost me about £5 in fuel to get to venue. Then when baby arrives there will be an obligatory present. Very steep. I love mother to be dearly but just couldn't afford it as I had to buy school uniforms for my very own DC. Needless to say, I didn't make it.
And yes, I do think baby showers are tacky and a shit idea. Don't start me on gender reveals. Oh then a push present. How much more can we take?

No I wouldn’t pay on top of a gift. That’s extra grabby! They’re silly to start with but what’s wrong with tea and cake in someone’s front room?

I have never been to a baby shower and have no intention of starting. Another idea from across the pond to extract money from people. I would buy a nice gift when the baby was born

I absolutely wouldn't complain to anyone, I think that's pretty rude.

I would only pay to go to an event (any event) where I knew people and thought I'd have a fun time. I therefore may or may not pay to go to a baby shower depending on the friend and friendship group. I would definitely appreciate that you have been upfront with the cost OP and that there aren't any hidden (decorations/matching t-shirt) costs.

DH paid for afternoon tea at his friend's baby shower. He was also put in charge of games. And we gave a present.
We didn't give a second present when her DC was born.

No, I’d just not go (tbf is take any excuse to escape)

I think it is fine to pay 20 for afternoon tea at a venue, if you want to go and pay fine if people aren't too fussed they dont have to go. I would only go if it was someone close.
My cousin had a baby shower at my aunties house and she did the food and drinks etc so no one paid. Which I think is the best way really.
My sisters friend organised her baby shower, but my sisters husband was asked about who should be invited and he invited a load of their shared friends who my sister wasn't that close to, so all of them on top of my sisters close friends and family was a lot of people. Friend had booked a room in a restaurant to order from the menu and use the room for a bit. So we ended up not inviting family to that as felt it was a bit much to.expect them to pay and would have been a bit hectic all ordering food. So family had a get together when baby was born at my dads. Which was about meeting baby.
I didn't have a baby shower with mine and glad I.didnt.

I’ve never been to a baby shower. I have however often taken friends out for afternoon tea around the time they finish work for maternity leave.
I then usually give a small gift after the birth.
So I guess it adds up to the same. But nicer somehow.

I’d rather spend £20 in Greggs than on a few piddly sandwiches and cakes .

I think it’s cheeky to ask for money for a party, I’ve hosted baby showers and attended many but only been asked to contribute finically to one (apart from
My own and ones I hosted!). I would of course bring something for the host and a present but I really don’t like being asked to contribute finically it’s so grabby (and baby showers are grabby enough!) when I was asked for money I didn’t go.

My sister in law invited me to a baby shower when she was pregnant with my niece, it was at a local hotel for afternoon tea. I went with my step Mum and we ate afternoon tea etc... played the games both took a pack of nappies and gift. When it drew to a close the bill came came round and we were told our amount to pay for our own and the mum to be’S share. I’ve only ever been to very few showers and always at home. It had never occurred to me that I would need to pay or that I would have to pay for a portion of her share. No one mentioned it prior and you could have knocked me a step Mum down with a feather.

I'd pay. Or I'd decline. I wouldn't complain!