Would you pay?

[WendyBagina]

If you'd been invited to a baby shower, would you be happy if you were asked to pay for the food/activity? In this case, £20 per person for afternoon tea? If you weren't happy, would you decline the invite or would you complain to the organiser/grandma (to be)?

For what it's worth, I think baby showers are bullshit but let's not get into that debate this time...

Depends how well I knew them, but that is cheeky

I agree, not a fan of baby showers. But I don't think that £20 for afternoon tea with friends is not really cheeky or excessive so I'd probably go....

I was thrown a surprise baby shower by 10 friends and they all paid for themselves and for me to have a delicious afternoon tea at a posh local hotel.
They then bought gifts on top of that. It was lovely but I do think baby showers are a bit grabby and if left to me I wouldn't have had one at all.
I had a lot of upset during the pregnancy though so I understand why they wanted to do it.
In answer to your question I'd pay £20 if it was a close enough friend and buy a present on top

Just to add, it would need to be at a venue, not someone's house...

I've only been to two baby showers and both where held in fancy places for an upmarket afternoon tea with champagne etc, so I didn't mind paying for mine (as well as presumably treating the expecting mother).

Personally I found them both to be quite boring and self indulgent but they weren't with my core group of friends,would just be a no e afternoon with your friends if it were.

I think it's quite normal for everyone to pay if it is a restaurant / posh cafe / tearoom that does afternoon tea as that's just a nice treat. But I wouldn't expect to pay if it was in a village hall / someone's house and they'd just bought their own cakes. In that case I would expect my gift to be enough recompense for that.

I'd decline because I'm not American and my life is not an episode of Friends

I'd decline because I hate these kinds of gift grabs in the first place. Charging on top is even worse. To do this for a third child is just ridiculous. Not my kind of people.

No no no. I wasn't clear there. The two I've previously been to were both for the same person. This one is for someone completely different.

I'm not refusing to clarify anything, I was just away from my phone!

£20 afternoon tea at a nice venue for a baby shower. That is how much the venue charges, not an inflated cost to incorporate decorations (as was suggested by a fellow organiser). Invites stated costs quite clearly on them so was not sprung on guests last minute. Grandma started questioning whether charging guests was normal and is now insisting on covering the entire cost. As someone suggested, it works out to be very expensive for one person (and she's invited a lot more than 10 people!). We suspect people have complained due to how insistent grandma is being and the fact it's not been mentioned previously, during the discussion stage.

Does that cover everything?

@Passthecherrycoke it’s nothing to do with being poor. And you have gift list so pick yourself. It’s no different from a wedding list.

OP I was asking if the mum to be knows that guests are being charged.

Now also wondering - you went to two baby showers for the same person?!

Well, in the light of your latest post, it sounds fine for everyone to pay for their place. (assuming they actually want to go) Why didn’t you put the necessary detail in your op?

No but I don’t go to them anyway. It’s just a ploy for gifts and the baby hasn’t even arrived so it seems like tempting fate.

I dont think 20quidnis too bad if it was people I'd enjoy seeing

I’d pay (assuming you can afford it). I don’t think it’s grabby, you don’t HAVE to go and the organiser is only asking you to pay for your own.

I would either pay and go or decline. I wouldn't complain.

Giving a gift after the baby is born is pretty pointless. The whole idea of a baby shower is to help out the new mom with the baby essentials for her first baby.

I don't agree with that at all. In the UK, (and many parts of the world) it is traditional to take a gift when you go and visit the Mum and new baby once the baby has safely arrived. Sadly, (and I don't want to bring a 'downer' on the thread, but it is fact) a healthy, living baby is not guaranteed until they are actually here. Many people feel to is bad luck to even have things in the house before the baby arrives, let alone lots of gifts from friends and family.

In terms of the OP's question, if I were invited to a 'traditional baby shower', then I would probably just decline anyway. If a group of friends said "Hey, some of us are meeting for afternoon tea, as it is the last chance Mum-to-be will have to be responsibility free for a while - who wants to come?" then I would be quite happy to pay for myself.

I doubt if people have been complaining to the Grandmother, I expect she is just from a tradition where the host pays.

I think they are BS too. If you begrudge the money then decline.

I'm concerned grandma isn't clear on how many people have been invited 😂

@HeadintheiClouds, I honestly didn't realise people would think that anyone would charge for an afternoon tea in someone's house. I thought it was obvious it is going to be held in a venue. My mistake.

Everything else I wasn't aware was vital information.

I'm never organising one of these bastard events again!

The only baby showers I've been to have been sitting in someone's living room with their mum and sister and a few friends, drinking coffee and wine, eating Pringles and handing over a few prezzies.

Anything else is totally over the top if you ask me.

A baby shower doesn’t have to be anything @MyDcAreMarvel. I’ve never been to a baby shower with a gift list (or even a request for presents) it’s your event, you do whatever you like. There aren’t any rules

I wouldn’t complain but I’d certainly be busy that day

It really annoys me when people ask for contributions towards baby showers. I would decline unless it was for one of my very best friends, that I absolutely wouldn’t want to miss.

Everyone has different views on these things so it’s not worth the hassle of complaining.

As someone else has said it, I also don’t like giving gifts till after baby has safely arrived. How a post baby gift can be “pointless” is beyond me!