Would you pay?

[WendyBagina]

If you'd been invited to a baby shower, would you be happy if you were asked to pay for the food/activity? In this case, £20 per person for afternoon tea? If you weren't happy, would you decline the invite or would you complain to the organiser/grandma (to be)?

For what it's worth, I think baby showers are bullshit but let's not get into that debate this time...

Depends who it was close friend or family yes. But a friend of a friend then no I wouldn't go .

I’d decline but I’d not complain in a million years

Showing my age but if you go to a baby shower and hand over a gift, do you give ANOTHER gift after the baby is actually born so you end up gifting twice as well as paying to attend a party.

Depends who it was for 🤷🏻‍♀️

If it was somewhere nice and there were people going who I got on with then yes, I would pay £20.
If it wasn't somewhere I wanted to go then I'd decline.
I'm not a fan of baby showers but I do like going for a nice afternoon tea.

Ive only been to one's where we paid for our own food. Thought it was normal.
If it's at a house that's different.
£20 quite a lot though. I don't think it needs to be really fancy.

I’d happily pay £20 for afternoon tea. I’m rare in the MN world in that I see a baby shower not as a grabby event (the mum to be doesn’t organise her own so how can she be considered ‘grabby’?!) but as an opportunity to spend quality time with friends. Sometimes in our busy lives we almost need a fixed reason to all make ourselves available on the same date (and, more importantly, stick to it!) and I’m happy for a baby shower to be that reason. All the baby showers I’ve been to have been fairly small affairs with just close friends (possibly sisters/SIL) not the huge wedding-style events that they seem to have in American movies. Consequently, they’ve all been nice afternoons (and who doesn’t like a game or two?!)

I'd go if it was a friend. It's just the same as paying £20 to meet up with everyone for lunch which I'd do any weekend. £20 is very reasonable for afternoon tea. I'm surprised anyone would have an issue with it. Obviously the host/gran shouldn't pay, totally normal to pay for yourself. You wouldn't meet a friend for a birthday meal, engagement or to celebrate them getting a new job and expect them to pay for your lunch.

I'm with you, don't see the point, but it depends who it is for tbh. Close friend or family member I'd suck up the cost, colleague or aquaintence I'd send my apologies.

I’m always at baby shower hatred... why do the majority hate them so much? Buy a pack of bibs/socks/dummies and go and celebrate your friends/family members pending birth. It’s a lovely time- couldn’t be celebrated enough IMO!

I'd decline unless a very close friend.

Baby showers are usually paid for by the mum to be's family not the guests!

It wouldn't bother me if I knew from the start there was a cost involved or if I knew it was afternoon tea 'out' ie in a hotel or pub etc then I would assume I was paying for myself.

I’d decline.

I’d go happily to an afternoon tea/lunch for any of my friends. If there was an added paid activity (candle making workshop at £30 for example) I might make excuses and say I couldn’t stay that long, but would pop along to see them. It would depend on how close the friend was and what else we had on that month.

I'd make a decision based on whether I'd genuinely enjoy it or not. I'll pay £20 for something I enjoy. But if it's not my thing then I'd not go. I'd say I had other plans already rather than "I don't want to spend £20 on that".

There is another reason why I hate baby showers apart from the grabbiness of it. It is to celebrate and receive gifts for an event which has not yet happened. All being well, mother and baby have a safe birth but sometimes things do go horribly wrong.

An acquaintance had a traumatic birth which resulted in the death of her baby. She'd had a baby shower not long before the birth and received many generous gifts including a pram. It was decided to donate the gifts to a women's refuge rather than the guests taking it back for a refund. It was a very awkward situation for all involved at a traumatic time.

I'd happily pay £20-30 for an afternoon tea and treat it as a lovely catch up! You would sound like a right twat if you complained. If you don't want to go simply decline.

I'd pay. The ones I've been to have been at pubs or restaurants so I've paid at least that for food and drinks anyway

Nope, I’d decline.

It's celebrating something that hasn't happened, the safe arrival of a baby.

Very small sandwiches, scones, jam, cream and pickle cakes with my friend? £20? Yep.

With an acquaintance.... well, it's afternoon tea? F course I'm still there!

I don't like baby showers and don't really understand them- they weren't a thing when my friends and I were having babies.

My sister had a baby shower (not organised by me) and all her friends seemed to think it was normal for guests to chip in for the catering. That said, they are all arts or charity types and mostly don't have a lot of money so that makes sense- if they had to wait until someone could pay for the whole thing, they'd never have any social events at all [shrug]

What I did find weird was that everyone gave my sister presents for the (as yet unborn) baby. That seemed really strange to me but my sis seemed to think it was normal so maybe it is. I gave her a gift for her and only gave her baby presents after the baby was here.

Generally I find "would you go?" threads a bit weird. Surely deciding whether to go to a wedding or baby shower or whatever is mainly to do with how you feel about the person inviting you and whether you're practically able, not whether you have to put your hand in your pocket.

This idea of 'Baby Showers' came over from USA. IMO they are tacky & grabby.

I never go to them but give a gift when baby arrives.

It would depend on the activity and how close I was to said friend. A cream tea with a friend I see regularly sounds like a good deal to me!

I would have to make an excuse and decline politely. I don't like them either, I'm a bit old school, want to wait until the baby has arrived safe and well and buy a gift then. Also find them a bit grabby and I know posters say take a pack of bibs/socks whatever but, in real life, people in my experience, expect more. So paying £20 and also buying a gift is quite a big ask and not something that sits right with me.