Would you pay?

[WendyBagina]

If you'd been invited to a baby shower, would you be happy if you were asked to pay for the food/activity? In this case, £20 per person for afternoon tea? If you weren't happy, would you decline the invite or would you complain to the organiser/grandma (to be)?

For what it's worth, I think baby showers are bullshit but let's not get into that debate this time...

The request for presents is implicit.

Baby showers are a shower of shite, have never been to one despite being invited many times so no, I wouldn’t pay as I wouldn’t go.
Wait until baby actually arrives safely.

Surely it's no different to going along to a birthday meal for a friend? You'd expect to pay for your own dinner and drinks then (and between the guests cover the bill of whoever's birthday it is) and possibly even bring a gift.

What's the difference? If you object to baby showers on principle, then don't go. But I don't see why asking people to cover their own afternoon tea is so controversial.

we suspect people have gone to her to query why they are expected to pay
Possibly, or maybe people have replied saying "I'd love to come but can't afford it" rather than "complaining" as you originally suggested.

I don't know if my friend expects presents
I'm pretty sure she does. I went to a baby shower recently and everybody did bring a present. A big part of the event was the present opening (so awkward!). This was quite embarrassing for me as I originally wasnt able to attend the shower so had already given her a present, but it looked like I hadn't brought anything

You decide to hold a baby shower, the express purpose of which is to 'shower' the woman with gifts. As if that's not tacky enough, you then want to charge those attending £20. As someone else said, you don't get asked to contribute when you attend a Christening or a child's birthday so why for this?

Why does it have to be tea in a restaurant or hotel, surely it should be sufficient to hold it at home and offer drinks and nibbles?

So no from me on both counts and pleased this wasn't a thing when I was young.

It always seems to be those who have never been to a baby shower and claim they would refuse to attend one who also apparently know all about them

WTF are baby showers? OH yes it must be an American importation thing on Face Ache or something that is part of their culture.

Would avoid like the plague. Sorry now, and in the end no one would miss me either. Thankfully.

Would give the born child a lovely gift though.

Do your own thing.

The point of a baby shower is to literally “shower the mother to be with presents”. That’s it’s actual original intention.

No disingenuous bletherings of “There are no rules!” “Presents aren’t necessary!” will change that.

And exactly what happens if the mother isn’t “showered with presents?” The baby shower police come round and arrest everyone? Don’t be daft.

You don't ask guests to pay for themselves at a baby shower. I wouldn't complain, but I wouldn't go either.

I wish I didn't have to go...

Yeah £20 for an afternoon with friends sounds good. It’s hard when your pregnant but most of my friends didn’t have kids and obviously you couldn’t go out for your work baby leaving thing.

You host a baby shower then you pay for it. That's unreasonable to expect guests to fund it. I hosted my daughters baby shower and it's expensive but IWouldnt dream of making someone else pay. I think baby showers arent neccessary really but they are fun. I'm in America had 4 children and never had a baby shower.

There are a lot of rules involved in babyshowers that seem to have been lost in the translation from here (US) to there.

You don't ask the guests to pay, the grandmother traditionally does not throw the shower but a sister or close friend does, you don't typically have a shower for a baby after your first one.

I'd decline. And yes, baby showers are bullshit.

So many misery guts on here!

£20 for afternoon tea, spending time catching up with friends and celebrating a friend's happiness is £20 well spent IMO.

It's really quite sad that people are so cynical (and tight) and can't enjoy a joyful occasion without being bitter about the "expense" etc.

But if you're one of those people - just decline the invitation. Simple. You'd only spoil it for everyone else anyway.

I’m not being daft, particularly? It’s a custom. It’s not compulsory, but it’s certainly expected. Your snipey little posts are dafter than anything I’ve said. And irrelevant, in the main.

I've never heard the re the grandmother not hosting. Why is that?

We were just trying to make it as easy as possible for everyone. No one has a house big enough to host everyone invited so that isn't practical. It's a set price so people know whether it's in their budget or not beforehand. My friend asked me to do this, but I don't think she considered just how much work it takes to organise something like this. We've already had comments re changing the date to suit others!

I honestly can't think of anything worse than having to open presents in front of everyone! I'll be taking a gift once the baby is here, for reason already mentioned on the thread.

WendyBagina wish I didn't have to go...
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If you agreed to help organise, please do go! You might find you enjoy it. I can't believe people moaning about paying £20 for a venue, would be different at someone's home but it isn't. No one has to take expensive gifts, just useful things for a new baby. Once the baby is born they can buy a bigger present or give money - and flowers for mum.

I'm 100% going, and I'll enjoy seeing her happy. And I'm more than happy to deal with this backlash if it means shielding her from it.

I want her to have a lovely time and to just enjoy rather than worrying about money/etiquette.

I wouldn't mind paying £20 for a gathering with all my friends, and that includes if it's a baby shower.
Take a gift if you want, dont if you dont.
I personally dont give gifts until the baby is here and baby showers are just get togethers for us.

OP as soon as you mention afternoon tea, it escapes me why people would not automatically know it was an "out of the house" event, you explained the situation perfectly well in your original post.

I’d pay £20 for a nice afternoon tea at a hotel or somewhere. Wouldn’t pay £20 to cover costs in a manky village hall. There’s definitely a difference

If it was an afternoon tea in a hotel/restaurant/cafe then yes, I'd pay.

But if it was at someone's house and/or being catered by the organiser then no, I wouldn't.

I wouldn't 'complain' though. I'd just say I couldn't go. It's not compulsory - you can't really 'complain' about something you're not obliged to go to.

I have no problem with baby showers. I think think they are a lovely way to spend time with your friends and family before the baby comes.

I think afternoon tea is a perfect way to catch up and would definitely have no problem paying for a close friend or family member.

Although I also love hens, weddings, parties etc so I go against most of MNs it seem

I just cannot go to baby showers.

I cannot celebrate something that hasn’t happened.