Would you pay?

[WendyBagina]

If you'd been invited to a baby shower, would you be happy if you were asked to pay for the food/activity? In this case, £20 per person for afternoon tea? If you weren't happy, would you decline the invite or would you complain to the organiser/grandma (to be)?

For what it's worth, I think baby showers are bullshit but let's not get into that debate this time...

I would go if I wad fairly close to the person.

I wouldn't complain. I'd only pay £20 plus the cost of whatever gift if I was quite close to the mum to be.

It's not a ridiculous cost by any means but if someone who's a colleague or a friend of a friend who invited then I'd probably decline.

If it was for just afternoon tea and I was close to the person, I would pay.

If it was going to have the usual baby shower games with people I wasn't particularly close with, I would decline.

I wouldn't complain, you either go or you dont

If it was afternoon tea at a nice place and mother to be was a good friend, I'd pay - it's comparable to a meal out for a friends birthday or a hen do - both of which I'd expect to pay for. I'm not a massive fan of baby showers, but I'd go for a friend. I'd see afternoon tea as quite a nice afternoon out.

I wouldn't, but I don't like the idea of baby showers, always comes across grabby to me. I wouldn't complain though.

I've only ever heared of baby's showeres where the participants chip in for the food the food and decorations.

I had an invitation to a baby shower, which I accepted, only to get asked a week or so after for the £25 for an activity we were going to be doing. I would have thought twice if I’d known about that beforehand and just bought a present when the baby was born.

If you’re told about it in advance and accept, that’s fine. If it’s sprung on you after you’ve accepted and you can’t then decline without looking tight, that’s not fine.

Accept or decline depending on who it is for. I would not complain to granny

It depends - posh afternoon tea at nice hotel with good friends, would go (with gift bought in sale). Otherwise, no.

Trying to be vague so not to be identifying but I'm one of the organisers. I friggin' hate baby showers but I love my friend so here I am. I drew the line at asking for contributions for decorations and said I'd cover that.

No one has RSVP'd yet but the grandmother has now said she's paying for the full cost (which is a lot due to how many invited!) so we suspect people have gone to her to query why they are expected to pay. I don't know if my friend expects presents. I suppose that's the point of baby showers but I'm waiting until the baby is here.

Just trying to make my friend happy but it's becoming ridiculous!

I'd decline. You don't pay to attend in the original, N. American tradition but it seems to be a total CF grabfest in the UK. I also have no problem with organisers thinking 'I'm tight' for pulling out if they spring extra cost on. They're the ones taking the piss. Fuck 'em. 'It's £25 each.' 'Oh, that's a pity. Sorry, I won't be able to make that. Enjoy!'

I decline baby showers. They are so cringeworthy

Mention of cost was on the invite. Sorry, should have mentioned that!

Some social events involve the hosts feeding/entertaining you, some are things where you are expected to pay for yourself; you're invited to join the other participants rather than be a 'guest'. As long as it's not sprung on you at short notice that actually you are supposed to be paying, perhaps more than you can afford, you can just accept or decline.

I had a friend I’m Canada organise one for our friend and she asked for $20. I suspect she only asked specific people to contribute. She held it at her studio, and the food was mini burgers and fries she’d ordered in. There were adult drinks but I have a feeling the rather well off Aunt of The mum to be provided those. Knowing the host I suspect she either didn’t want to piss off her less well off friends so had some of us subsidise or she was trying to make enough to pay for the gift she bought. That left me with a bad taste.

If you’re going to offer to host, then you pay or ask people to bring a plate. Otherwise don’t.

I’ve said never to any more baby showers especially when people are on their 2/3/4 child.

So does the friend know that the shower was organised with guests paying? I don’t attend baby showers full stop, but definitely think a charge is grabby, on top of a shower being grabby.

OP: if it was on the invite, then any invitees can decide for themselves whether they want to go or not/whether they can afford it or not - and respond accordingly. Unless there is a close friend/family member who the hosts know could barely afford a fiver to go to a party, the hosts are not wrong for issuing this invite.

I would pay or decline (and not complain). YABU

Maybe grandma decided to pay for it because no one RSVP'd rather than people complaining?

Nope. Baby showers shouldn't have an entrance fee.

Yes, who else would pay? You’d expect whoever organised it to stump up hundreds of pounds for you all to have afternoon tea?

It depends I've been to 2 , 1 close family member and 1 close friend both afternoon tea.
It was requested if you want to come please send £10 so I can book . so not too expensive but I wouldn't do it for extended family or colleague.
Usually you get to take leftovers home , mind you last one I went to the mum to be took all the leftovers home even though we had paid for it , so though that was a bit cheeky so kind of put me off going to another.

Is it going to a venue for afternoon tea or in someone's home? If it's a restaurant kind of thing I'd me more inclined to pay, someone's house I'd think it was very cheeky!

Close friends I'd go and pay. Anyone else I'd politely decline.

The thing with baby showers is your supposed to take a gift, but then when I visit the baby when it's born I feel bad going empty handed and end up buying another gift and feeling a bit peeved about it.

Nah I wouldn’t pay. If the mum to be wants a party where everyone makes a fuss of her and gives her gifts she should stump up the cash.

Baby showers are pretty naf anyway. Not as bad as gender reveals, but still naf.

I would pay for a proper afternoon tea for any event (birthday/hen/baby shower). I don't think the event matters. I wouldn't expect someone to pay to feed me.