Would you pay?

[WendyBagina]

If you'd been invited to a baby shower, would you be happy if you were asked to pay for the food/activity? In this case, £20 per person for afternoon tea? If you weren't happy, would you decline the invite or would you complain to the organiser/grandma (to be)?

For what it's worth, I think baby showers are bullshit but let's not get into that debate this time...

Isn't gifts the point of the whole thing?

NJ here. I’ve had showers, attended showers and have hosted showers. I have never been asked to chip in the cost at a venue, but have brought food to potluck showers in a home. I think they are lovely. To me, it is supporting a woman’s change in status to a mother, and giving her things for the new baby. Gifts can range from very inexpensive to expensive. I enjoy the gift opening, and the oohing and aahing over precious newborn clothing. I think it’s a very nice rite of passage. I’m really not one for games, but have participated. With showers that I hosted I ran raffles and gave prizes like candles or hand lotion. I don’t understand the hatred toward them.

I would go if a good friend, but then I would be happy to spend £20 on tea/food in that scenario

If I buy at a baby shower then I don't buy once the baby is born, I think both times is unnecessary.

I certainly wouldn't complain to anyone about it.

£20 for afternoon tea and a lovely afternoon with friends? I’m in!! I’ve organised showers for both of my sisters. Both times at my house and I financed it all. The invitations clearly stated we appreciate people don’t want to send gifts but the mum to be would love their company. Some people brought gifts, others didn’t. Nobody was offended either way and both times we had a great day. I’ve also been to afternoon tea baby showers where I’ve happily paid for myself. If I liked the person I would be happy to pay and happy to go

Isn’t gifts the whole point of the thing?. Yes, of course it is, no matter how many gobshites tell you that you can set your own rules, and anything goes...
You don’t have to bring a gift, but it is the whole bloody point.

Nope. Especially not if they expect a present. Oh and they are tacky imho.

Depends basically on how much I liked the mother to be - not on if it was at someone’s house for free or if it was a paid for venue.
If I liked them I would happily attend either type of shower. If I wasn’t that friendly with them (ie. work colleague of a wife/partner of a friend of dps I’d met a handful of times and wouldn’t know anyone else there) then I wouldn’t go.
I have had 3 baby showers thrown by my mum (surprises although I did suspect the second 2 times my mum asked me to go round to help her with something as the first time I said no and she said it was quite urgent), each time it was with my family and sisters in law and mother in law, mum had made a little buffet, no games etc, just had some music on and a nice little catch up. No one other than my mum had gone to any expense and that was because she wanted to, it wasn’t expected. Each time I had a lovely day chilling out with my nearest and dearests, my sister gave me a neck and shoulder massage which was the highlight!
If you like the person enough and can afford it, you’d do it.
Like anything though, don’t do it if you don’t want to.
I’d go if they were close to me.

@Passthecherrycoke there generally is a gift list, or a registry. You ask the host. It's not advertised on the invite usually. Why would you go to a shower and not take a gift? Just decline if you don't want to attend.

If I could eat the tea (i.e. if there was a dairy and gluten free option) I would pay to go. If not, I would still go and bring a gift but ask if I could just pay for a fruit tea separately or something. Could you do that maybe?

I wouldn’t mind paying. I definitely wouldn’t complain - that would just be arsey. I’d go if I wanted to spend time with those people and not go if I didn’t. Having said that, I was fortunately slightly ahead of the craze for baby showers and have managed to avoid them thus far. I don’t think I have missed out. Not that I don’t love an afternoon tea!

I've been to one baby shower and vowed to always be 'very busy' doing something else if I ever got invited to another one.
What a load of BS.

Just don't go. Why on earth would you complain? You shouldn't go now anyway, you sound miserable and resentful of it and that would probably show.

I'd definitely pay. Why wouldn't you when this is presumably a close friend of yours who you'd like to celebrate that they are having a baby? It's only £20 I could understand saying something if it was expensive and you couldn't afford it. If not then decline. But don't complain you'll look a right dick and tight as well.

We did this for a babyshower of one of our friends once. We split the cost between us all except our pregnant friend. Worked great.

Having said that you think babyshowers are 'bullshit' so perhaps you shouldn't go. Babyshowers are all about getting excited about the new baby with your closest friends and them giving you advice/reassurance about the birth/early days. Doesn't sound like you want to do it so rather than spoiling it with your attitude it would be better not to go.

@headintheiclouds - that may be the case for those you have attended but it certainly hasn't been the case at those I've been to /have attended. Yes, there has always been presents because when a close friend/family member is having a baby you want to give them a gift. Like a close friends birthday party - you want to get them a gift but it isn't the whole point of the party.

The babyshowers I have been to/organised have included food, drink and a general catch up. A couple of silly games, maybe henna on belly, massage that kind of thing. Lots of advice for the mum to be and reassurance about the birth as well as sharing birth stories etc. (this is always the best bit). Then gifts are usually given at the end with lots of oohs and ahs. One of the nicest gifts we did once was we all bought a bead each to make a birthing bracelet so the mum could look at it in labour and know we were rooting for her.

Honestly food, drink, chat & fun with yoyr closest friends - what's not to like?

@qwertyyuiop I’ve never been to a baby shower with a gift list (“registry” is just an American term?) I’ve been to loads and there has never been one, and certainly not a secret one only given to those in the know

Have you been to many baby showers?

Id decline. Hate all this shit. My friend gas been invited to s “gender reveal party”🙄 and the cost is £15.00 for afternoon tea. She isn’t going, and isn’t prepared to pay to find out the sex of a baby, then pay for another party which will be the baby shower.

Time to stop all this nonsense.

It depends... do you like this person ? is she a close friend or family ? then yes I would pay it's £20 and I'm sure you would have fun.

Or you can decline, keep the £20 and do nothing if she isn't very important to you.

If a friend invited me to a birthday meal I'd expect to pay for my meal and also would
Choose to get her a small gift. So I don't see this as any different? Not everyone has space in their home to host an event. I really don't see a problem with it

@Passthecherrycoke maybe because you haven't asked?! Yes I've been to loads. You contact the host and ask 'is she registered anywhere?' and they tell you. It's not a secret, it's just not something you put on the invite. Mothercare and John Lewis both have gift lifts/registry options for example.

Nope, none of my friends have had baby lists. If they did not one person at the shower knew about them, which seems somewhat bizarre. They’re good friends, I do know them.

If you enjoy their company and would like an afternoon tea I don't think £20 is excessive.

If it's not your thing and not worth £20 to you then I presume there is no pressure to go?

It’s very rude of them to expect you to pay for your part in the event and then presumably bring a gift as well. What planet are some people on?

Zombie.

The baby must be nearly two now!