Would you pay?

[WendyBagina]

If you'd been invited to a baby shower, would you be happy if you were asked to pay for the food/activity? In this case, £20 per person for afternoon tea? If you weren't happy, would you decline the invite or would you complain to the organiser/grandma (to be)?

For what it's worth, I think baby showers are bullshit but let's not get into that debate this time...

Another no here, I only give the baby a gift once he/she has been safely born.

I agree with many pps... baby showers are a recent import from the USA . It’s almost the norm , now, to buy a gift for the shower AND for when the baby arrives. Seems a tad money-grubbing. However, baby showers are the norm now and I would have ordinarily suggested buying a gift that you can easily afford to take with you. BUT, to ask for a financial donation towards the shower itself... Nooo!!! Rude!

No, I’d decline a baby shower full stop. I’d buy a present for the baby and mother when it turns up even if the baby looks like Winston Churchill in his later years.

I don't mind paying for afternoon tea, but only if presents were not expected. EIther pay for you guests & expect gifts, or ask people to pay but tell people not to buy a present on top.

£20 afternoon tea is cheap course I'd pay

Nope, but I don't 'get' baby showers so wouldn't go.

You can't invite people to host their own party. Especially if it is a gift giving party. The hosts should hold a party that they can afford, even if it is tea and cake at home.

I went to a baby shower last year and paid £20 to the host as requested. That included food, drink, presents and games.

I think baby showers generally are grabby. I was thought it was tradition in the UK to buy a gift once the baby is born.

However, if it was for my best friend, then I'd do it.

Anyone else, then I'd decline.

Ridiculous ... an excuse for the grandma to be to play grandma to be. Put the money towards a nice gift.

If it was a friend I cared about (& assuming I could afford it, which I can) I would pay, and go. Like a previous poster I do not see baby showers as grabby, just an excuse to get people together and celebrate friendship. It’s hard to find reasons to get together in a busy life especially once kids are involved so I’m all for anything that brings people together and makes people commit to a date.

I don’t think anyone makes you bring a gift. And surely it if anything it is celebrating a change in status, a bit like a hen party, rather than the baby itself?

Depends where it is. Actually probably not even an issue.. I'd be totally ok if it were a friend. Having a baby is an expensive life event and whilst I don't love baby showers, I can see they perk up what are often 'down in the dumps' mums to be and as a friend I'd be on board with that.

If you're asking or are upset about contributing, I suggest you're not that close friends and wonder why you're going anyway.

So I went to my first baby shower on Sunday ! Sweet Jesus that’s 3 hours of my life never to be returned .. I should have been paid for going ! I’ve never experienced such utter bollocks in my life

I'd pay it happily but there would be no gift on top of that.

If I wanted to go I'd be happy to pay. If I didn't want to go I'd decline the invite. Certainly no complaining.

Me: I was adamant that I didn’t want a baby shower myself (& it didn’t happen).

Friend 1: A friend of a friend organised a cheap pub get together with a few cupcakes for the M2B. Everyone paid their own share & bought gifts.

Friend 2: Organised her own baby shower but stipulated absolutely no gifts. Everyone attended (and most bought a small gift but didn’t feel obliged to).

Friend 3: Sent official invites, expected you to pay for the event and clearly expected a gift for shower & once baby arrived. Needless to say the invitation was declined.

Do what you feel comfortable with. X

Yes I’d pay £20 for an afternoon tea out with friends, and I wouldn’t see this as any different. I don’t get why you wouldn’t, if you were happy to go at all. After all, Baby Showers are supposed to be a surprise aren’t they, so who else is going to pay?

As with any event it depends on whether you want to go or not. If it is a lovely high tea in a hotel and it is £20 and you want to go, then pay it. If you don't want to go then stay home.

My friend got her friends together for a high tea for her 40th and we all paid for ourselves.

If you know the score up front, then I don't see what the problem is. It is quite normal to get friends together and everyone pays for themselves. You pay for yourself on a hen do, this is no different, one person organises it on behalf of the mum to be, and everyone pays for their own food.

You wouldn't expect one friend to host and pay for everybody else on behalf of the bride.

I haven't been to many, but I never take a gift, preferring to buy something once baby is safely here.

Does anyone know when the baby shower crossed the Atlantic? They weren’t a thing when my sisters and friends were sprogging (late 80’s/early 90’s) so I have no idea of the etiquette.

Does the M2B make a gift list, like for a wedding? If not, how do you know you’re going to get anything useful?

On the whole I prefer to stick with the tradition of giving a gift when you first go to see the baby, or maybe sending a little something with the congratulations card if you live a long way away and won’t get to visit for a while.

I think asking people to pay for a party you are hosting is generally tacky. If the purpose of the event is to give useful gifts to the new Mum, then invite people to your home and bake a few cakes.

unless they were a very very close rel or friend i'd pass, mostly because i hate baby showers

So they had newborn baby shaped fondant icing sweeties and you had to decide to bite the head or the bum first ! All the food was baby shaped ! A quiz to decide how long she would be in labour and what % thought she would have a c-section.. seriously .. and then a critique of how much was spent on the baby gifts .. never, ever again