Would you pay?

[WendyBagina]

If you'd been invited to a baby shower, would you be happy if you were asked to pay for the food/activity? In this case, £20 per person for afternoon tea? If you weren't happy, would you decline the invite or would you complain to the organiser/grandma (to be)?

For what it's worth, I think baby showers are bullshit but let's not get into that debate this time...

I don't like this idea. I don't really understand baby showers and I didn't want one. I can't imagine anyone paying to go to a Christening and as far as I can work out, a baby shower is an atheist/secular Christening where the baby isn't involved and doesn't get to be in any pictures?
Paying to attend events where you also have to take a gift always feels to me like the bride/pregnant woman/mother/mother in law/whatever is punching above their weight with their budget and should have planned an event within their means, but I know it's normal to some people.

@Invisimamma I agree I refused to buy a gift for the shower . I told both mums to be will be getting a gift when baby was born which I did although I did bring a card . I didn't even know you could get baby shower cards until then .

If at a nice hotel, it’s fine. Not if it’s at someone’s house.

I’ve never taken a baby gift to a shower although have taken the mother a small gift like pregnancy massage oil or similar.

I like my friends so don’t mind parting with small amounts of money on their life changing occasions once or twice then I take the usual present when I meet the baby.

“I can't imagine anyone paying to go to a Christening and as far as I can work out, a baby shower is an atheist/secular Christening where the baby isn't involved and doesn't get to be in any pictures?”

No, you’ve very much misunderstood baby showers 🤣

Giving a gift after the baby is born is pretty pointless. The whole idea of a baby shower is to help out the new mom with the baby essentials for her first baby.

I'd pay, I like an afternoon tea

I paid similar recently for a lovely afternoon tea in a gorgeous venue for a good friend's shower. It was a lovely afternoon and I didn't begrudge the cost at all. If anyone was unhappy with it they should politely decline but certainly not complain!

I can't stand baby showers, but I've gone to a couple for very close friends where we've been asked to contribute to the food cost. I'd decline in most cases where the person wasn't someone I loved.

What does a Baby Shower actually entail ? Is it Afternoon Tea out somewhere or held at the persons house ?
In which case , tea, cakes,some fizz ? That should be provided by the organiser .

If you think Baby Showers are naff , I read a book where they had a

"Sip & See" (Sip Tea and See the baby )

My friends have enough money to buy their own essentials @MyDcAreMarvel and wouldn’t have wanted stuff chosen by someone else anyway. Not everyone is poor. I never buy essentials as baby presents and never received essentials for my children either. Presents are exciting luxuries surely, not a pack of nappies and bottle of Milton

I wouldn't like being expected to pay to attend a baby shower. Where I'm from, the people hosting the shower (family and/or friends of the mother-to-be, usually) provide the location (usually someone's home-- nothing fancy or requiring a fee) and light snacks/cake/punch. Guests bring gifts for the baby.

Being expected to bring a gift and pay for the privilege would annoy me. I might decline the invitation and just send/hand-deliver a gift at another time, if I cared for the person.

It couldn’t possibly cost £20 pp for self catered afternoon tea! And you were going to ask for a contribution for the decorations
All so everyone can bring the first of the expected presents for the baby before it’s even arrived...
How indescribably tacky.

I think baby showers should really be at someone's home, and free entry. But a proper afternoon tea out at a venue, with (reasonable) price clearly stated on invite, seems ok to me. Definitely not worthy of complaint to organizer as guests are free to decline if they don't fancy what's been chosen to do.

Personally I'm not one for baby showers and didn't have one for either of my kids, but they're just a bit of fun, people aren't obligated to go and surely it's always nice to be invited.

OP doesn’t say it’s self catered

Right, I got confused with the decorations thing. But you’d hardly be allowed to decorate a restaurant, would you?

What decorations thing?

£20 for afternoon tea sounds like a bargain, all the ones I've heard of around here are far more! I'd pay if you can afford to, obviously if you are budgeting carefully then I wouldn't go at all (rather than 'complain').

I'd happily pay that for afternoon tea with my friends

No way! I'd much rather stay home. How ridiculous.

I would ever just go or don’t
Don’t complain about it the situation doesn’t warrant it. It’s a nice catch up with friends and I wouldn’t mind paying

Op was considering asking for contributions to the cost.
Op, can you confirm whether it’s a bun fight at the village hall or tea at Claridges?

I'd pay but I'd be expecting something stronger than tea!

I've attended one hosted in the grandmas house. Lashings of food (curry, lasagna, salads etc) and loads of decorations, probably cost a fair bit. The hosts paid.

Most brought a bottle as well. Some also brought cakes.

The present is given at the shower, so no need for another after the birth.

There was always going to be a cost to the event. Grandmother has now stepped in to pay because Op assumes, some people have complained about paying.

No self catering, decorations or donations and OP wasn’t considering, the cost was on the original invite.

I actually have been to a baby shower that was afternoon tea at claridges. Boom!