Would you pay?

[WendyBagina]

If you'd been invited to a baby shower, would you be happy if you were asked to pay for the food/activity? In this case, £20 per person for afternoon tea? If you weren't happy, would you decline the invite or would you complain to the organiser/grandma (to be)?

For what it's worth, I think baby showers are bullshit but let's not get into that debate this time...

I'm slightly confused, OP can you explain the situation a bit better?

If it was my friend I wouldn’t think twice about paying

If it was a good friend I would pay. I would go to afternoon tea anyway with friends so would just see it as an afternoon out.

I'm old fashioned so in my book if you invite somebody for a party/dinner/tea etc then you pay to host them. It's crass imo to ask for a financial contribution as well as expecting a gift. Then you're not hosting, you've asked your guests to pay for the whole event while you waft about pretending to be a host. So I would decline the invitation as I think baby showers are crass.

Hang on a minute, you're being charged for the privilege of showering a woman with presents (for getting pregnant!?)

INSANE

"Let's socially pressurise all our friends & family into supplying us with half of our baby supplies and disguise it as a 'party' to celebrate that we've done the same as the majority of the rest of humanity and concieved(!?) then charge them all for the food & drink we've provided whilst they shower us with gifts!?! rubs hands together Excellent!!!!"

I would decline

There is no invite I would accept where I have to pay. Now If me and a group decide to do something you pay a share but no way to go to celebrate someone, it is down to the host to fund!

I wouldn't pay. I wouldn't go.

I would come up with a crap excuse for not going.

No, they’re paying for afternoon tea, which is £20 each. Who else would pay for it? Baby showers are usually organised by a best friend or sister, would you expect them to pay for say 10 people to have afternoon tea, some of whom they may not even know? £200? Plus decorations invites etc? Don’t be daft!

Actually thinking of it I wouldn’t be against a bday dinner for a friend at a restaurant where I can order and pay for what I choose to eat and drink

Of course I would, Maybe it's just me but random people don't tend to invite me to baby showers. So its normally close friends and family, would spend more on a weekly meal out with them.

Depends how close I was to the person. I really hate afternoon tea, so I'd feel pretty ripped off about paying £20 for one in most circumstances.

I’m genuinely confused at the point you’re making, passthecoke. I don’t think where you’ve attended baby showers throws any light on where op is holding hers?!
Utterly irrelevant 🤔

“as far as I can work out, a baby shower is an atheist/secular Christening where the baby isn't involved and doesn't get to be in any pictures”

No.

I just thought it was ironic you picked a place I’d been to a baby shower that’s all. Have you managed to read the OPs posts properly yet?

£20 in a nice hotel and someone I really care about is fine but I wouldn't bring a gift, i buy after babies are born (seems not just grabby but it seems wrong to celebrate until the baby is safely born)

I've not read all the replies yet. It's at a venue not someone's house. The venue is charging £20 per person for afternoon tea but not for use of the venue.

Just to confirm, I'm not complaining; I'm organising! And I'm insisting on paying for my own regardless.

Grandma doesn't know no one has RSVP'd. She just messaged asking if it was "normal" to charge people and it's gone on from there.

I've been to two, for the same person, both held in the same chain restaurant and I paid for myself without a second thought.

No I'd decline and I love a good baby shower. If they can't afford the baby shower afternoon tea they should be organizing on they can afford.

I would decline whether I had to pay or not! Ghastly, grabby American idea! I would never ask anyone to a party/event I had organised and ask them to pay. Double grabby.

If it’s Claridges, twenty quid is a steal. If it’s the local greasy spoon, it isn’t. Op could clarify this quite easily, but is choosing not to.
I wonder why?

Just to clarify, I was never going to ask for a contribution to decorations. It was suggested, I said absolutely no way.

The venue is allowing decorations as long as it's not confetti. I'm not sure what decorations we are going to have.

I wouldn't go so no.

Ps it does depend where - proper hotel great, back room of a chain pub not so much. I'm wondering if the grandmother has misjudged the situation from the update, perhaps the "friends" really aren't as close as she thought. My friends threw for me (pot luck dinner, homemade decorations) in the US, families don't normally throw them.

It’s for a third child? . Triple tacky