Comments that people with kids make to people with no kids

[lastqueenofscotland]

Just to flip the other thread on its head.
I am childfree by choice, I don’t hate children, I was a nanny for a number of years. I enjoy spending time with my friends children, but for various reasons it’s never been right for me. However some people with children have made some howlers of comments about this.

My two favourites remain
“You’ll grow out of it” as obviously not wanting children is hugely immature.

“You must just not have met someone you love enough or you’d want children with them” this drives me backwards as I ended up breaking up with someone I adored because he was desperate for a family.

I think there is envy of people who are child free. (Doesn’t the term “ child free” suggest this is by choice?!)

I love being selfish too. 🙂

@Sparklesocks as someone with children. Following the goose to see where you end up sounds amazing!
I get why you took it the way you did.

But from my point of view having that freedom to follow the goose for the fun of it, makes me jealous and I would live to be able to just do that sometimes. Hopefully you friend meant it that way.

Good, yes, every job I have had as a manager has people who believe childless people should have to work the bug holidays and they shouldnt work any.

Last year I had 2 who didnt think they should work (we are closed christmas day, boxing day and new years day) anything between christmas and new year. At all. Ever. But then I did have 3 whose family lived far away, didnt have kids that wanted the same. Not having kids does jot out you down the list in priority. The ones travelling were all coming back after boxing day anyway. I gave them a choice. They all did a day between Christmas and new year, or they took it in turns. To have it off. I went through past years working and the people with children always had all Christmas off. I was disgusted.

Since when is family only applicable to those with kids.

They opted to all do a day each. We need a couple of people in on each day so it worked out. I also went in one one day, even though I didnt need to. Team work.

I’ll never forget the thread on this site from a woman who’d finally given up on IVF and needed help coming to terms mentally with her future as part of a childless couple. Someone told her she was lucky because she could get cream carpets. I’ll never forget the offence that comment caused. It was unintentional but so, so foolish.

Isn't it actually a discrimination of some kind to not allow child free people holidays when they want to, because someone with children "obviously needs them more"?
I mean within reason. But giving always Christmas off to parents and refusing requests of childfree people based on not having a child just shouldn't be acceptable.

I agree with the PP who said it’s opinionated knobheads who say these things and they manage to target anything and everything women do, particularly regarding their reproductive choices.

Me and DH have got one child and bloody hell the opinions people have about that. And 9 times out of 10 it’s directed to me, not DH

Also, the competitive tiredness or busyness from some people who have more than one child. If I ever joke that DS is driving me mad because he can’t find anything even when it’s under his nose, I get ‘oh I’ve got two of them that do that’

It gets so bloody boring!

@Zebraaa l was waiting for someone to turn up to rock the competitive tiredness and “you don’t know what it’s like”

"Doesn’t the term “ child free” suggest this is by choice?!"

'Childless' suggests children should be there but are lacking. 'Child free' means you are comfortable/happy to be free of children (whether by choice or having come to terms with being unable to have them).

isabellerossignol oh yes definitely understand why a childfree woman would post it herself, but from a mother (who is constantly on about how tired/busy she is as a mum) to childfree me it just left a slightly bad taste in my mouth!

Oh yes, I can see why. Use it back on her next time

I agree that the incredulity you get when you say you don't want, nor ever did want children, is incredibly annoying. I admit I don't like children at all; my DH has grandchildren and I really have no interest in them - it can be quite difficult because obviously he wants to see them, but I don't! I dread being left alone with them because I don't know what to do!

The assumption that no one without kids has any caring responsibilities. Think it's hard dealing with incontinence, reluctance to eat or endless 'why' questions from a toddler? Try it with an elderly parent - and you don't have the right to paid leave to help you cope.

What truly gets on my tits is the assumption that those of us without children have nothing in our lives to make us tired except work.

People always say to me "oh do you not want children?"
Yes, yes I do but I also don't want to and can't afford them as a singleton, I want them as part of a family. And that involves meeting someone!
I swear people think it's easy to meet someone who you love, will be a good father and can just have children with

I’d forgotten about the competitive tiredness.
I have been utterly exhausted, I know what it’s like.

And the you don’t know love until you’ve had a child. Fuck off to fuck, it’s a horrible thing to say especially when there are parents out there who in the early stages at least really struggle to bond with their child

I was so annoyed when I complained on Facebook about being tired. She replied ' you want to try having kids lol'. I think if she'd been in front of her I would have ripped her head off. I don't sleep well, have an overactive bladder which has me up 3 times a night and had just been diagnosed with a very low but d level and was feeling absolutely physically exhausted.

My mum also commented once that it's selfish not to have kids. Who to? And that you don't know what life is about until you have kids. I know that life is about and what I want and a life with kids isn't it. The final.one is that I must have kuds. I don't I love cuddling babies and playing with my baby nephew or friends kids but I just like giving them back at the end of it.

Ah stupid autocorrect. That should have read that I must hate kids.

@Maryscary008 here to prove us all right about the competitive tiredness

Considering it was the childless colleague that was stating life was less tiring for me because I didn't work so many hours I don't see how it proves you were right. I hadn't and didn't say anything to her about it by the way so don't see how I was competing.

And the you don’t know love until you’ve had a child

Personally, I don't have a problem with the idea that parent-child love is different from other kinds. What I do have a problem with is that it is some sort of magic spell, without which no one is a complete human being.

Some (not all! Just a few that I know) parents seem to want to a) moan about how hard parenting is, whilst simultaneously b) telling you how much you ought to want to do it too. I find agreeing enthusiastically with the first half takes the wind out of their sails.

Parent : parenting is so hard and thankless.
Me: christ, yes. It looks awful.
Parent: if you want to ever have five minutes to yourself again, don't have kids.
Me: yep, I'm probably not going to.
Parent: Why not???

About two years after l married my first husband, l met someone l'd known for years. Her first words? "No family YET?" (my capitals)
Why do people think this is ok? lt's very intrusive and insensitive. For all they know, the person could be desperate for children, have had miscarriages, failed to conceive, or just not want children.

My ex and l didn't want children. (l subsequently had two miscarriages with my current partner). lt's no one else's business.
My mother telling me that in conversation with someone else that she'd said (undoubtedly plaintively) "l don't have any grandchildren". One of my reasons for not wanting children was that from me being young she fed me horror stories about my birth, and told me when l was about 14 not to have any children "because they're nothing but trouble." l was an only child, and quite frankly, compared to some of my friends, should have been sitting on a cloud fiddling with a harp. She was narcissistic and controlling, and l was afraid if l had a child l'd have been like her. l wouldn't inflict that on another person.

This is a new one for me....got this belter this weekend from an acquaintance of my partner... "if you get a move on you'll just about have time to pop one out before the menopause"

I'm 47. I was infertile at 30 so I'm damned sure I ain't getting pregnant now.

I'm at the other end and get one of my life long friend's constantly having a go at me because I don't go regular night's out because I'm exhausted and if I'm childfree I like a night at home with my other half, relaxing! My hangover lasts 2 days now lol and I'm only child free for one at a push and I am literally on the go from when I wake up until I sleep with no weekends off due to kids activities/clubs.

As for people making comments about not having kids I think it's disgusting. Yes, people make a choice not to have kids (and should be congratulated because why would you want people who aren't interested in having children be a fulltime carer for said child??) but also there are so many people who can't conceive and these questions stick the knife in their heart every time.

People just need to stop bitching about others life choices. If it doesn't affect your life keep your opinions to yourself. Oh, and also don't have children if all you're going to do is moan about people who choose not to! We make our own paths.

Personally, unless I really haven't been paying attention (which is quite possible!) I really haven't heard the narrative that women are somehow inferior or incomplete unless they have had a child!

I evidently wrongly assumed that most people think like I do: It is entirely up to each individual woman whether she chooses to have children or not; that just because she is childless she really ought to work full time; that childless women should work Christmas; it is in no way 'selfish' to not have children (in fact it could be argued the childless are doing us all a favour!).

I'm not that keen on children, myself, and I have two

@katseyes7 My DM complained constantly about motherhood and her lot generally. I can remember on the fingers of one hand the number of times she expressed happiness about anything in my entire childhood. Neither of my grandmothers ever had a good word to say about parenting either. I feel very grateful to have been born into a generation where women had the choice whether to have kids. (And, yes, of course, if they had had the choice, I wouldn't be here today, but I'm not egotistical enough to think that my existence makes up for the unhappiness they clearly experienced)

I think there is envy of people who are child free. (Doesn’t the term “ child free” suggest this is by choice?!)

I refer to myself as child free even though we did want children.
As said above childless sounds like there is a failure. It is a very negative term.
Child free is more positive.