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Original poster

Comments that people with kids make to people with no kids

407 replies

lastqueenofscotland · 26/08/2019 09:19

Just to flip the other thread on its head.
I am childfree by choice, I don’t hate children, I was a nanny for a number of years. I enjoy spending time with my friends children, but for various reasons it’s never been right for me. However some people with children have made some howlers of comments about this.

My two favourites remain
“You’ll grow out of it” as obviously not wanting children is hugely immature.

“You must just not have met someone you love enough or you’d want children with them” this drives me backwards as I ended up breaking up with someone I adored because he was desperate for a family.

OP posts:
Sparklesocks · 26/08/2019 13:57

Maryscary008 of course it isn’t, why are you being facetious? It’s just odd to insert yourself into something and harp on about irrelevant anecdotes. Maybe not every thread needs your input.

Maryscary008 · 26/08/2019 13:57

Fucks sake. Of course it's not. It's just you continually labouring that one point about that one person that is pissing people off.

I mentioned it once in a longer post which actually agreed that many of the comments that people who make to those who are childless are unreasonable. Someone picked it out and argued against it as have others. If you don't think a point should be laboured don't respond to it.

Leighhalfpennysthigh · 26/08/2019 13:58

I am not "basically telling them" that they cannot possibly understand how tired I am because I don't have small children

No you didn't say that at all. You said that people with young children in your work are more tired than people without young children in your place of work because when you had young children, you were more tired than you are now. That's generalising about both people with and without young children.

violashift · 26/08/2019 13:58

Always reminds me of the bill bailey stand up.

" speaking as a Mother'

' Is that a euphemism for talking out of my arse? '

Leighhalfpennysthigh · 26/08/2019 13:59

And @Maryscary008 stop derailing this thread. Please.

Cannyhandleit · 26/08/2019 13:59

I am no longer childfree but a few years back when I was I was driving myself and my friend in a terrible snow storm when I made a stupid comment about how I hoped we didn't crash and die, she replied in all seriousness 'oh I hope not because if I die it'd be terrible!' I laughed and asked if it wouldn't be terrible if I died and she said 'no you don't have kids so it wouldn't really effect anyone!' Needless to say our friendship was never really the same again.

bee222 · 26/08/2019 14:00

An ex friend of mine once did a long facebook post which she directed to her childfree/childless friends. She genuinely said "I honestly don't understand what the point of your life is? we are supposed to have children, so what is the point of you, if you don't have any?"

She then proceeded to ask what her childless friends did all day, saying that she imagines we all "sit around reading fashion magazines and painting our nails".

There was a mass unfriending followed at this point.

Sparklesocks · 26/08/2019 14:02

Cannyhandleit oh wow, that’s awful! Why are some people so thoughtless

Goodybaddy · 26/08/2019 14:02

@Maryscary008

For the nth time, please could you stop saying “childless” when describing a child free person.

malificent7 · 26/08/2019 14:03

It's similar if you gave 1 child...i get you "only" have 1 child a lot. Then people with 3 kids are destroying the planet.
Ignore and roll eyes hard!

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 26/08/2019 14:03

My sister and her dh are child free by choice, and it never once occurred to me to pass patronising comments on their choice.

It baffles me that some people find it so hard to accept that other people can choose different things in their lives, and that the fact that they have chosen something completely different doesn’t make that choice wrong!

Leighhalfpennysthigh · 26/08/2019 14:04

@Cannyhandleit that's awful, but it is a prevailing attitude of society. Your life is worth more if you have children. Just look at the papers if, eg someone dies who happens to be a parent. Yes, it's a tragedy and in particular for their children. However, my husband dying was a tragedy for me, his mother, my parents. My nieces and nephews and our many, many friends and the children he taught, as well as all the youth groups he worked for. That didn't stop the comment in the papers afterwards about how it was good he didn't have children, at least he didn't have children, it would have been so much worse if he didn't have children and my favourite at the time was about how he'd never have been so selfish as to kill himself if he'd had children and it was all my fault as he would have made a great father but I was too wrapped up inky career.

These were all people we knew in the place where we lived talking about my husband's suicide on a local papers website.

Cunts

Tmnmpa1 · 26/08/2019 14:05

I used to always say I was happy not having kids as a defense barrier for the fact I didnt have a baby yet when all my friends and family did. So I got all those comments thrown at me too. But the fact is....in my case...(before I get flamed) I was lying to cover up how much I wanted to have kids. I still took all people opinions and comments to heart.

Now I'm pregnant and I hear the flip side of it....people in work making jokes etc about how I'll never have fun again, or my time will never be my own etc and its equally as hurtful.

Fact is everyone has an opinion and they can all go f off. We all just need to be ourselves and screw anyone who disagrees with any choices.

leckford · 26/08/2019 14:06

Never wanted them, never had any. Some people are happy with their children on MN but an awful lot who are not.

No one has ever said anything to me about lack of offspring and I have just bought myself a lovely new horse.

A couple of nice ladies I know older than me get a lot of grief from their offspring about babysitting - they want to be with their horses not managing kids again.

My advice, get a good job, maybe a husband, a dog and a horse

TroysMammy · 26/08/2019 14:09

Is Mileysmiley now Maryscary008?

Dangermouse37 · 26/08/2019 14:15

As others have posted its the 'you don't know...' comments that get me when you offer advice - especially after having 20 years of working with kids I think I know a little bit about them.
My response =
"I don't have a pilots license either but if I see a plane stuck in a tree then I know the pilot fucked up."

DareDevil223 · 26/08/2019 14:15

@Leighhalfpennysthigh

I always think that you talk a great deal of sense. I'm so sorry for the awful way that some people responded to your husband's death. That's beyond scummy Flowers

Chesneyhawkes1 · 26/08/2019 14:19

I've never wanted any children since I was young. 41 now and never changed my mind.

People still ask though especially as I got married last year. They see it as something I should do now.

Before that it was that I hadn't met the right man, else I'd want them.

And yes I can't possibly know what love is, because I don't have children.

My MIL has mentioned it a fair few times, oh you'd make such a good mother. You should have 3 😂 I think this is because she see's me with DSS who's 6. But like I have explained to her, that's 2 days a week. Yes I could probably be a good parent 2 days a week. What about the other 5 when I don't want to be one 🤷🏼‍♀️

I explained to DH before we got married that I wouldn't be having children. He accepted that, although he would be happy if I changed my mind.

I'm happy with my 3 dogs who people assume are my baby replacements

ArkwrightsTill · 26/08/2019 14:35

Pointless being alive
Pointless having a partner
Pointless getting married
Pointless living anywhere other than a bedsit
Don’t know what love is
My life has no colour
My life has no joy
I don’t know what tired is
Don’t know what busy is
Don’t know what stress is
Should work more because what else would I do
Should work less because parents need the jobs that pay more
Who will look after me when I’m old
I must be such a disappointment to my mum
I must be such a disappointment to my family
Don’t bother with relationships they’ll only cheat if you won’t give them children
Get a cat so you have something to love
Get a dog so you have something to love
Selfish
Should adopt
Not a real woman
Basically not even a person
Hopefully I’ll be raped and get pregnant
Shouldn’t have time off work because parents need it

Off the top of my head.

ItIsWhatItIsInnit · 26/08/2019 14:50

An ex friend of mine once did a long facebook post which she directed to her childfree/childless friends. She genuinely said "I honestly don't understand what the point of your life is? we are supposed to have children, so what is the point of you, if you don't have any?"

My grandma has said the exact same thing to me and I do not understand this circular argument. If the "point" of everyone's life is so have kids and the point of their kids is to have more kids, but no-one is meant to just live for themselves/do things with their own life, what is actually the point of humanity? We may as well commit mass suicide because then there's no "point" to any of us other than to reproduce...

The point of your life is to do whatever you bloody want with it!

ItIsWhatItIsInnit · 26/08/2019 14:52

Oh and I've also been told that no achievement can come close to having kids, and I'm selfish and egotistical with no point to my life. And that people without kids are not "truly happy" and secretly all miserable and bitter in old age. Lovely!

Ilikethisone · 26/08/2019 14:56

I have known plenty of bitter old people. They all had kids.

Having kids doesnt make anyone be bitter, it certainly doesn't stop it.

As an aside I have always wondered that. If the whole point of being here is to have kids. Nothing else. What's the point?

GibbonLover · 26/08/2019 14:57

I've heard plenty of those things too Arkwright, these are my standard responses:
Pointless being alive
Are you saying I should kill myself?
Pointless having a partner
How else would I get sex?
Pointless getting married
Why though, DH wants to be married to a person, not an incubator. I wanted a husband, not a sperm donor.
Don’t know what love is
I feel sorry for your DH
I don’t know what tired is
OK, take my rheumatoid arthritis for the week and come back to me on that one
Should work more because what else would I do
Go shopping, meet friends, have sex, spend quality time with my DH and my DM, go on holiday, read books, watch films, educate myself, cook, look after the house, play sports, watch football, volunteer, blah blah blah
Who will look after me when I’m old
A team of handsome male nurses. paid for with the money I saved by not having children
Selfish
Ask anyone why they had children and the answer always starts with 'I wanted...'. You don't get more selfish than that.
Not a real woman
My vagina indicates otherwise/What am I then, a fucking hologram?
Hopefully I’ll be raped and get pregnant
Besides wishing serious sexual assault on someone, what you are saying is that you are hoping for one more abortion to happen in this world because that's exactly what I'd do.

There's also 'Accidents happen' to which you can say 'So do abortions' and lately, I've been able to say 'So do bilateral salpingectomies and I had mine done a few years ago'.

Leighhalfpennysthigh · 26/08/2019 14:59

@DareDevil223 thank you. I'm not sure I do, but will take any compliment coming ThanksThanks

ItIsWhatItIsInnit · 26/08/2019 15:00

Yes, ironically the most bitter old people I know are the ones whose grandchildren have moved away and they moan that they never visit them.