To not have told him where the bread was from?

[ItsOnlyBloodyBread]

This morning it was DHs turn to make Coffee and Breakfast (I did it yesterday). He did the coffees as soon as we came down but I had to ask him 3 times when he was doing breakfast.

Eventually he went in to so us some toast and then asked which shop I got the bread from. Strange question I thought as it was a well known brand and can be purchased at literally any of the local shops. So I asked why he asked. This, apparently, was my first mistake as you 'cant answer a question with a question'. Who knew? So he asked again, where it was from, I said it's Robert's bread, why does it matter which shop it's from? He then stormed in the living room saying he's not doing my toast, cos I can't answer a simple question blah blah blah. I said it was an irrelevant question, why would it matter if it was from Tesco or Morrisons? It was Robert's bread. He said the packaging was different and he didn't recognize it...if he'd read the name on the package he would have surely known it was Robert's? Just as a side note he does this all the time, doesn't look at or for things properly and asks he where something is that is literally in front of his face.

Anyway, so this started a big what I can only describe as a tantrum on his part, yes at the ages of nearly 30. I laughed and said he was being ridiculous over a loaf of bread. Laughing at his immaturity was apparently my second mistake.

So I've been in bed all day, as I didn't want to be around him when he's in a vile mood. It's been lovely actually, I've read a whole book, had a nap, played a game on my phone, read mumsnet, just lovely really. This may have been my third mistake as he's been downstairs with DS all day.

I tried to call a truce earlier but was ignored.

He's now gone out whilst I'm putting DS to bed and when I've text to ask where he's gone his reply was 'Im just doing what you're doing and not answering a simple question'

God give me strength, I didn't realise I'd married a 5 year old. Oh well, I'll have the whole bed to myself tonight as he will no doubt sleep on the sofa. I'll take that as a win I think. And yes he's normally like this, 'The king of petty' I call him.

So WIBU to have not told him where the bread was from?

No you should have got on with your fucking day. Why would you ignore him? Jesus

This ☝️

Can't imagine ruining a whole day over a load of bread. Bizarre.

Should they have carried on ignoring each other in front of their child?

No. Why is the choice between staying in bed or ignoring the husband downstairs? What about acting like adults and getting on with their day

pool Do you just have an argument then go right back to normal as if nothing has even happened?

Not exactly gonna jump up and be like 'oh darling I'll do tn toast don't worry, did you want jam or Nutella?" After he's just bit my head off

God I'd hate to be there if you two ever had a real problem to sort. Grow up.

I would have answered the question, and not bothered to ask why he was asking. We ask each other dozens of questions each day, all seems a bit odd to be deliberately argumentative.

yes this has happened before but this is not "constant" and my child is not growing up in a toxic atmosphere

Yes he is growing up in a toxic atmosphere. What are you expecting your son to do when he is old enough to start noticing dad having one of his moods?
It might not happen everyday but the threats always there.

Do you think I should have stayed downstairs all day ignoring DH and the argent potentially continuing/escalating? Because that would be toxic.

I think a row over a sliced loaf doesn't translate into a whole day of ignoring someone, downstairs or otherwise! I'm not holier-than-thou, me and my DP argue, but we don't walk out on the other one for an entire day to score points or take to our bed or spend the day downstairs ignoring each other. Teaching kids conflict resolution is a big life lesson - all you're doing with yours is showing them how to sulk. Good luck with that when he gets older and starts apeing your behaviour!

He asks dumb questions? Hmmm..not so sure about that tbh.

Christ almighty, what an exhausting and boring way to spend a precious weekend. Grown adults don't sulk in bed, or pick fights over loaves of bread.

Everyone acting all holier than thou like they've never had a petty argument before

Actually, I can't remember ever having such a stupid argument with DH, and I know for a fact that neither of us have ever sulked at each other all day. Especially not since we had children.

According to Mumsnet no-one should ever be annoyed, you must hide your emotions at all times. Isn't it good to show children that sometimes grown ups can/will have disagreements and then they get over the disagreement? They still love each other and life goes on, no harm done.

Isn't it good to show children that sometimes grown ups can/will have disagreements and then they get over the disagreement? They still love each other and life goes on, no harm done.

Absolutely, but OP and her DH did the 3xact opposite of this. They modelled picking a fight over something stupid, allowing said fight to escalate, storming off, sulking, holding a grudge and refusing to discuss their feelings like adults.

Do you just have an argument then go right back to normal as if nothing has even happened?

No. We talk, like adults. There is no ignoring in this house. Life is too fucking short to spend it ignoring the person you love, the person you chose to be in a relationship with, the person you are supposed to be working with to nurture another human.

Isn't it good to show children that sometimes grown ups can/will have disagreements and then they get over the disagreement? They still love each other and life goes on, no harm done.
Yes but picking a stupid argument with your wife and having them hide in bed all day sulking possibly isn’t the way to model this......

No. Why is the choice between staying in bed or ignoring the husband
downstairs? What about acting like adults and getting on with their day

OP did get on with her day. In fact, she said she had a lovely day. Her DC was being looked after by OPs DH. Is there now a rule that both parents have to be in the same room as DC now? It was ONE day.

Isn't it good to show children that sometimes grown ups can/will have disagreements and then they get over the disagreement?

Yes, yes it is a great lesson to teach your DC. Sadly OP hasn't done this, she stayed in bed and sulked all day instead.

No. We talk, like adults. There is no ignoring in this house. Life is too fucking short to spend it ignoring the person you love, the person you chose to be in a relationship with, the person you are supposed to be working with to nurture another human.

This.

For god sake, why do people keep saying this, I was not the one sulking

Just because I was the one to leave the situation it doesn't mean I sulked off. I just didn't want to be around someone whom I know to get nasty if he doesn't calm down. His sulking has in the past lasted for days on end. 1 day is absolutely nothing.

OP did get on with her day. In fact, she said she had a lovely day. Her DC was being looked after by OPs DH. Is there now a rule that both parents have to be in the same room as DC now? It was ONE day.

She was acting like a petulant child fgs

just didn't want to be around someone whom I know to get nasty if he doesn't calm down.

Well that changes things. Massively. Why do you want to be with someone like that?

Rain thank god someone understands that like isn't all fucking rainbows and butterflys.

Isn't it good to show children that sometimes grown ups can/will have disagreements and then they get over the disagreement? They still love each other and life goes on, no harm done

Absolutely, but OP and her DH did the 3xact opposite of this. They modelled picking a fight over something stupid, allowing said fight to escalate, storming off, sulking, holding a grudge and refusing to discuss their feelings like adults

I would hazard a guess that the DC was completely unaware they they had a disagreement about a loaf of bread. Tomorrow DC will likely see OP and her DH interacting as usual. No harm done. There was no screaming and shouting, just a disagreement.

just didn't want to be around someone whom I know to get nasty if he doesn't calm down
But it’s fine to leave your child with him?

I would hazard a guess that the DC was completely unaware they they had a disagreement about a loaf of bread
This time. How long do your think they’ll get away with this as the DS gets older.

Wow this thread has turned all judgey

OP stated that DH basically asks these type of dumbass questions all of the time. It is clear she has had to point out things directly in front of him before.

Yes it is annoying to not have a question answered. But it is also annoying for a grown as adult to ask ridiculously unnecessary questions continuously.

My ex was like this. I.e.

Him...Where did you put the mop?
Me (brain doing other things) ... where it always is.
Him (lived here 6 years) where is that?
Me (now being dragged in to this pointless convo) in the shower, in the mop bucket, in the bathroom, that you enter at least 6 times a day and can see clearly through the glass shower screen because the mop is bright sodding red and the bathroom is white why do you ask?
Him...because DC has had an accident. Where is the black?
Me...gets up and cleans up because I am dead inside from this dialogue already and no doubt by now DC is making pretty patterns in the mess with her feet.

Pointless questions can be as inflammatory as not answering questions

I just didn't want to be around someone whom I know to get nasty if he doesn't calm down. His sulking has in the past lasted for days on end. 1 day is absolutely nothing.

I know you think people are overreacting but after reading that I'm feel even sorrier for your DS reading that. My dad's record for a sulk was two weeks. He blanked us all, not just my mum. It was fucking horrible. How long will it be before your DH takes umbrage at your DC answering him back and gives him the silent treatment for days too?