To stop my partner from watching porn?

[littlepeaegg]

I know there are threads on SO watching porn etc... but I just need some advice please.

I've been with my partner for 3 1/2 years now. We had a rocky start due to my anxieties but we are great now!

Today I asked if I could have a google on his iPad, and when I opened it up his history was open on the left hand side.

Well, he'd been looking at all sorts of porn! This was when he was away for work last weekend.

Bit of a back story; I've previously asked him if he watched porn and he said it wasn't his thing.

My sex drive is quite low due to meds at the moment, but I have communicated with him regarding this. He said it's absolutely fine.

So I guess I was a bit shocked, firstly that he's lied, which he said was because he was too embarrassed to tell me. And just the fact he watches it really!

I know it's considered 'normal'. I get that. But I just feel really shit and inadequate as a partner!!

How do you feel about this? Is it my insecurities creeping up on me again, that's why I'm upset?

And is it reasonable to ask him to not look at it or will that be too controlling.

He stated that what he does in his private time is up to him, and that it doesn't hurt me etc.

I just thought he might want to fantasise about me haha!

I've gone out for a drive to clear my mind as I'm due to go away for two weeks tomorrow and I really don't want to argue with him before I go!

Am I just being anxious? Any advice welcome. Thank you!

BertrandRussell

Of course women have always been exploited for erotica/porn

Women would have been traded for sex and would have had to perform for their new master/s

Sexual fantasies have always been about and many of them include the degrading of the other person I guess it’s about power

We know the Romans and Greeks were very perverse

Bertrand's posts are spot on and sum it up for me.

there are women who enjoy being openly sexual and acting out fantasies and like being watched it’s a turn on for some

“there are women who enjoy being openly sexual and acting out fantasies and like being watched it’s a turn on for some“
What % of the women on pornhub are exhibitionists? How do you know which ones are?

A bit of porn isn’t an issue imo. If you logged on and he had been on meet for sex websites then I’d say LTB.

And he might fantasied about you... when it matters if you get me haha

I wouldn’t worry

Hi!
When I met my OH after a few months he was showing me something on his phone and he said "Oh sorry ignore the porn" .. I could have fallen on the ground in shock lol. (More so how it was said like a b&q page was up and not porn lol)

After this I noticed a couple of times porn sites or pages up on his lap top etc.
I spoke to him and I said it makes me feel worthless and not good enough (just personally how it made me feel at the time)

Since then, we come to an agreement of making our own so when I'm not in the mood or not around he has his own home made porn that he LOVES.
This was almost 6 years ago and I've never come across a porn page since and he loves the fun we have making our own for his please. (And mine of course lol)

I know not everyone's cup of tea but I felt like it was a good compromise then just saying sorry you can't watch porn and if I'm not in the mood and you want to watch something u can't!! ... we've also watched porn together which was fun but he always goes back to the ones we've made together.

I think you should speak to him just how it makes you feel. . Not ban him, but maybe both be a little more open with Each other x

The issue here, of course, is that for some reason, many women are very heavily invested in defending male rights to use porn at all costs.

If anything I would be defending male and female right to watch porn. I know, Op's partner is male. However, this descended into more of a general porn discussion again.
I watch porn, I don't dream about being with them instead of my husband. He has nothing to worry about. For most normal people it is that way.

How do you know which ones are not

That is why I said it needs to be regulated I am aware that there is exploitation

I know of women who enjoy going to sex clubs, like their partners watching them have sex with others, playing out fantasies, being watched by strangers

It’s all a bit alien to me but sexual fantasy crossing over into how people act them out is different for everyone and not something that is new what is is the internet

Pleasure**
🙄 bloody phone

“I watch porn, I don't dream about being with them”

Do you dream about the life they lead?

You can tell him you don't want him watching it but he'll just keep doing it behind your back. What is the problem with it anyway? Get over yourself.

There is ethical porn available, but nobody wants to pay for it with tubes sites offering thousands of new videos of every genre.

I like @EllenAshSky1 's idea of homemade porn, as you won't feel jealous and he still has some stimulation, OP.

Interesting that do many people seem to feel it’s all about how they feel about it.
Astonishingly limited horizons some people have. The nature of the industry, its impact on women in wider society ... nope. Don’t care. All about me.
How do you get to be like this? I’m genuinely curious. I don’t think IRL I know anybody like this. How and when did the blinkers go on? Or were they always there?

If my husband told me to get over myself because I object to porn, he’d be watching it in another house.

Some women are exhibitionists.
Some women watch porn.

Who knew the whole issue could be so easily resolved.

brazzers step mom and daughter

Better him watching porn to realase than cheating right. Why not wsrhd together could help your sex drive you never know.

Better him watching porn to realase than cheating right

Is that really your standard? Christ that’s sad.

Better him watching porn to realase than cheating right

Ye gods

If my husband told me to get over myself because I object to porn, he’d be watching it in another house.

This

I have ethical issues with porn and have never found it a healthy part of a relationship.

If it makes you uncomfortable then that's absolutely fine, talk it through and what his reaction is will let you know if you can do this or not.

Any this is why I hate these sites as people are judgey pricks all the time my gosh. Porn is porn don't like don't watch. He's done nothing wrong by watching it maybe admitting he does would I fbeen better. Peoples sex drives change all the time

“Peoples sex drives change all the time”
Agreed.
People’s morality and ethics and concern for others doesn’t, though.

Name changed for this as posts on other threads could be outing for me. I too am a woman who watches porn, mostly for research for scenes for my fanfictions that I write. I am single at the moment but have watched it with previous partners too and found new things to try. It wouldn't bother me in the slightest though I can see why it may affect some women

“It wouldn't bother me in the slightest ”

So you don’t care about the women who work in the porn industry. Fair enough.