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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Big family - should I have more kids??

232 replies

Relizeliz · 25/08/2019 15:10

Name changed for this.

I have four sons - aged 9 - 3. I really want another baby, we can afford one and I think we have the resource/time - but is it to many to have 5?

I just don't know if there are limitations - we live in a 5 bed house so long term potentially would have to add a room because I know no one would want to share/are use to there own rooms.

Additionally I just think will a 30 year old and 20 year old have a good relationship and does anyone have any experience of there older kids being resistant to a new baby? He was happy at DC4, but he's older now....

Any thoughts?

OP posts:
Galaxygirl93 · 25/08/2019 15:14

Yes 5 too many - just my opinion :-)

timshelthechoice · 25/08/2019 15:16

Quit whilst you're ahead. Yes, I think 5 is too many.

ChocolateTea · 25/08/2019 15:16

If you have the space and money and time, you need to look at family dynamics more than anything else

My sisters and I are all within 4 years of each other. Barely have anything to do with each other

DP and his 3 siblings have up to a 15 year age gap. And are a wonderful family

If gap between youngest is only 4 years, they can share until they are 10-14 (depending on sex of baby) which gives you options room wise. I only have 2 children but a two bed house so they will have to share until they leave home 🤷‍♂️

Do you have provisions in place for university fees etc for more than 4? Do you have financial plans in case of redundancy etc? Age wise, is there more risk to you or the baby at this point?

Only you can answer whether you go onto have a 5th

Junoon · 25/08/2019 15:16

Why do you want another one?

4 children is plenty and they are still quite young. Surely you have your hands full as it is?

I’m not saying you shouldn’t go fir number 5. I’d just really have a good think about why you feel the need to extend your family...

DaughterOfTheForest · 25/08/2019 15:17

Many people are concerned about the environment and are limiting the no of children they have because of that. Are you concerned/worried about backlash in the future?

Zoflorabore · 25/08/2019 15:18

Sorry but I have to ask- do you want a girl?

If not then I apologise but when you said you had 4 sons it's what I thought of.

NChangingAgain · 25/08/2019 15:19

I absolutely wouldn't.

Harder on the current kids, splitting time/focus even further for each one. Plus the gap will be such that the chance of them being close is slim, as they'll be at such different stages.

Now wait for people to start about the environmental implications of all these children.... (i wouldn't have lots of kids due to this factor alone, FWIW!)

AnneLovesGilbert · 25/08/2019 15:19

Do you want a girl? Would you stop at 5?

RocketRacoonsFurryBalls · 25/08/2019 15:19

I’m completely baffled as to why anyone would have more than two.

(I say this as the third child.)

Stressedout10 · 25/08/2019 15:20

I've got an unintentional 8 year gap between my 2 and it was hellish dd was so jealous for years and they never had anything in common and with my ds having adhd and asd I very much doubt they ever will. It's basically like having 2 only children.
Now I understand that your circumstances are different but it will be very difficult for the eldest child as realistically he would be getting geared up for high school and still have a new born/young baby at home.

Jade218 · 25/08/2019 15:21

With the problems out planet is facing, yes I think five is too many

MummatoaMunchkin · 25/08/2019 15:21

Theres 10 years between my brother and i. Im 30 and hes 20 now, we have always been and are very close. The relationship has changed over the years but still close.

I was desperate for a sibling it was lonely being an only child for so long (did want a sister mind but what can you do 😂) so that might have made a difference.

It could be different for your kids as they are all boys/ have siblings already.

WindsweptEgret · 25/08/2019 15:22

Five is too many. You may be able to financially afford it but the planet can't. Nothing wrong with the age gap.

BarbedBloom · 25/08/2019 15:23

If you have the time and money it is your choice. However, make sure you can cope with that many without expecting the older ones to help out. Occasional help is part of being a family but a friend was the oldest of five and was expected to feed youngest or always babysit and her relationship with her parents is not great now.

The other potential issues could be things like holidays or in fact getting someone to look after them, though you may already have these issues with four

PinkiOcelot · 25/08/2019 15:26

I’m one of 5. Yes it’s too many.

VLCDoingIt · 25/08/2019 15:27

I would have a 5th in a heart beat if DH hadn't have gotten the snip years ago.

I think if you want to and can afford to then go for it.

stucknoue · 25/08/2019 15:27

Personally no, 4 is already a lot of kids, what if circumstances change? Illness in one of you, relationship breakdown, the new baby or one of the existing kids is ill/sn? 4 is plenty.

You think it won't happen to you (and I hope it doesn't) but we really don't know what is coming. Too many posts here are from mums of 3,4,5 kids whose so called solid marriage has exploded.

Figgygal · 25/08/2019 15:28

4 should be plenty for anyone
What's missing from your life you need 5?

GibbonLover · 25/08/2019 15:29

Why do you want a fifth child? What will it bring to your life that the existing four don't already do?
What will it bring to your other children's lives? More sharing, less privacy, more annoyance, less parental attention. Honestly, what do they stand to gain from yet another sibling that they don't already have.
Think of your existing DC who, let's face it, must be stretching you pretty thinly as it is in terms of time and individual attention and put your want (because it is a 'want', not a 'need') for either a daughter or a baby to one side.

BarbariansMum · 25/08/2019 15:29

No. The world is in crisis. And if that's not apparent to you right now, it will be apparent to your sons as adults and your grandchildren may well be fighting for survival.

Caxx · 25/08/2019 15:30

I have 5 oldest is 20 youngest 2 works well for us

Holidaysmoliday · 25/08/2019 15:30

If you have a girl then number 3 and 4 will always feel unwanted

This was my family and is a very real issue

lunar1 · 25/08/2019 15:31

How would you have the time for everything? I work from home mostly but teaching them to read, write, do homework, activities and everything else is busy enough with two. Will you be able to give 5 children all the time and support they need?

GibbonLover · 25/08/2019 15:31

Also, and I dgaf if I'm flamed for this, it's a real drain on NHS resources.

MachineBee · 25/08/2019 15:32

My DH is one of 4 who’s DF died suddenly when he was at primary school. From what he says it was incredibly tough on them all growing up. It would have been even harder if there had been younger siblings.