Big family - should I have more kids??

[Relizeliz]

Name changed for this.

I have four sons - aged 9 - 3. I really want another baby, we can afford one and I think we have the resource/time - but is it to many to have 5?

I just don't know if there are limitations - we live in a 5 bed house so long term potentially would have to add a room because I know no one would want to share/are use to there own rooms.

Additionally I just think will a 30 year old and 20 year old have a good relationship and does anyone have any experience of there older kids being resistant to a new baby? He was happy at DC4, but he's older now....

Any thoughts?

I don't know why anyone would have more than 2 or 3 tbh.

Well my eldest ones were not averse to keeping an eye on the youngest so we could have a night out or sort out some business. We never asked them to change or cancel any plans for us though. We never paid them either. It’s all part of a family helping each other out. We did/do a lot of running around for our kids.

Even now, 25 year old DS comes home for a couple of days he will take 13 year old to the cinema or for a bike ride or shopping. Kids who care about each other are happy to spend time together.

@RosaWaiting I still call all my kids my babies - I meant a child. As in when they come home from a party for the first time, when I cry when they move out, go to his wedding etc etc etc. All of it.

I thought it was Colleen

If there is a big age gap, bear in mind that the older one may leave for Uni - a 10 year age gap means that the little one will be 8 when the older one leaves (this has happened to someone I know, they do get on well though).

OTOH, there is a gap between my DH and two of his younger siblings and although they get on OK, they do not seek out his company or visit us like they visit each other.

I hated pregnancy and wasn't over keen on the baby stage either so we stopped at two. We figured after having a problematic pregnancy the second time why run the risk of something going wrong and the lifestyle we wanted works better with two. More money, more time and able to do foreign holidays, days out etc without being stretched financially.

I would question why people go for big families other than environment concerns

I also do think as adults siblings with larger gaps can definitely be close and have a good relationship (in my own personal experience anyway)

However I imagine a 10 year gap would be tricky whilst they’re little? I have a 4 and a half year gap between my two and I’ve honestly found it really difficult in a lot of ways having two on such different levels. The 8-year-old is into completely different things and it can make holidays/days out difficult. I know that once the 4yo is a little older my eldest won’t miss out on so much (I always feel a baby/toddler/small child kind of puts life on hold and makes things harder) and we can really crack on with family life, it’s one reason why I wouldn’t add another baby to the mix now.

All these people saying 5 are too many, what do you think is the acceptable number of children people should have

Two absolute maximum. Planet is in crisis, the idea of having more is utterly beyond me.

Nobody else walks in your shoes and knows your circumstances. If you want to and can afford it, then do it. It's nobody else's business.
Who knows, your 5th child may be the one who finds a cure for cancer, or discovers a new sustainable source of energy
BTW, a gap of 14 years between my DM and her youngest brother. They are far closer to each other than to their other brother who is between them in age.

I have 5 and we only have a 4 bed house but 2 of the rooms are huge so at some point one will have 3 boys in with plenty of space so will work out fine.

We’ve found it lovely having so many. I’d have more tbh but my health isn’t 100%
Yes it’s hard work but very worth it

Even with the age gaps though, everyone in our family enjoys a day on the beach, a bike ride, a theme park, a family barbecue (any family meal around the table really), a board game, a family pool/table tennis tournament, an action/superhero film, camping, going on holiday in general.

I’m one of six. I love it. There’s a thirteen year age gap between the oldest and the youngest and we’re all really close and always have been.

If I had the space, resources and money - I would have another child without a doubt.

You’ve done this 4 times already so as hard as it still may be with a 5th; you already know what to expect.

I always say if I won the lottery or married a millionaire I would have at least 6 kids

I mean just look at the movie ‘Cheaper by the dozen’

I know it’s not the reality but still it’s lovely having a big family

And everyone always has someone to talk too (though everyone has their own room if they want some space).

The saddest thing was the mum of one of DD’s only child mates, who commented that her DD had said she preferred coming to our house because there was always something going on and lots of people in and out and her own house was boring.

I`m one of 5.stop at 4.

No.

Over population.

You have already replaced yourself and your partner 2 x over.

Think of the planet you will be leaving to your children and grandchildren.

You can't give five children the support and time they need. Concentrate on the ones you have.

I had five in 7 1/2 years. It was fine when they were small, hellish when they started to hit the teenage years.

Also, never have more children than you are confident you can care for on your own. If your DP ups and leaves, that is when the shit hits the proverbial...

We have 4 and there’s no way in the world we’d consider a fifth.

Having space and the finances for multiple kids is all well and good but the main thing for me is how do you give them enough quality time? Not just a scheduled in, once a week activity but actual, quality time.

I have felt broody a lot recently as my kids are getting older but I know that another child would not be the best thing for our family so we will be sticking with 2.

I don't think it's quite as easy as saying yes if you can afford it, because frankly the country can't.
There are too many people and not enough services to cater for them.
Four is more than enough.

I don’t necessarily think the age gaps are a problem. There’s 15 years between me and my youngest sibling, and we get on fine.

I’m one of 5, but it’s a bit more complicated as we weren’t one family (mix of full siblings, half siblings and step siblings). Having lots of siblings isn’t an issue, though I can imagine it would be a different dynamic if you lived with that many constantly.

The environment one is a tricky one. We have six children (as below) and own one vehicle (albeit a big one!), I own a business, we have produced a doctor and a charity worker so far (others still in education) and six out of the seven people in the household are vegetarian. We have always walked, run or bussed to most places because of the number of us and food waste just isn't a thing in our house-we admittedly also live next door to a farm who will happily take left overs. We haven't ever been able to fly with the children (just back from hols, fabulous time in Normandy using the ferry as for passengers) and so it goes on. I'm not saying there is no impact from six children but if you compare our impact to that of my sister, for example (two children, holidays twice a year, two vehicles-one a 4x4, all meat eaters...) and I would be interested to see the difference in impact. That's a genuine point, not me being an arse as my sister is my closest friend. We just seem to make more environmentally friendly choices because we have had to and we seem to be turning out quite decent humans.

On the point of older children not looking after young ones I agree that this should not be an expectation but never underestimate how great it can be for a relationship where the gap is large. Our youngest adore the two oldest because they are like the naughty uncles who let them have treats or extra privileges when in their care. It's not the conventional rough and tumble brother relationship but they are very close and caring.

OP I do think it's horses for courses but don your tin hat forever for the criticisms that will come your way. I'm afraid I give not one single shit because my boys are an absolute hoot and if I weren't a shrivelled up old hag I would pop out another!

I’ve a ten year gap between dc 3 and dc 4 ....and bigger gaps 13 years between dc 4 and dc 1.
All good here
I’m tempted to add another one in the mix before I’m past it