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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Big family - should I have more kids??

232 replies

Relizeliz · 25/08/2019 15:10

Name changed for this.

I have four sons - aged 9 - 3. I really want another baby, we can afford one and I think we have the resource/time - but is it to many to have 5?

I just don't know if there are limitations - we live in a 5 bed house so long term potentially would have to add a room because I know no one would want to share/are use to there own rooms.

Additionally I just think will a 30 year old and 20 year old have a good relationship and does anyone have any experience of there older kids being resistant to a new baby? He was happy at DC4, but he's older now....

Any thoughts?

OP posts:

Andysbestadventure · 25/08/2019 15:54

Ask the question, OP, to yourself. Why do you want a 5th?

Do your 4 children already get enough quality time?

INeedNewShoes · 25/08/2019 15:57

Oh come on OP, you must have known that the environmental impact of having children would come up on this thread.

I don't really think it's a laughing matter (and I'm fairly middle-of-the-road on this stuff).

minibroncs · 25/08/2019 15:57

What did you do in Kenya?

SconeofDestiny · 25/08/2019 15:58

Have as many as you like but don't make the older siblings become unofficial babysitters to the youngest ones.
That's really shit parenting but so many parents seem to think it's perfectly reasonable to deny their older children a decent childhood.
It's really not!

SuperSara · 25/08/2019 15:58

All these people saying 5 are too many, what do you think is the acceptable number of children people should have?

Two.

Of course 5 is far too many! There are billions of people too many already on this planet.

Crinkle77 · 25/08/2019 15:59

It's up to you. You sound like you can afford it. As for the kids not wanting to share it's tough shit they'll just have to get on with it. Kids always used to have to share bedrooms and I don't understand the attitude that people have today that it seems cruel or out of order to ask them to share. You can't let kids dictate your life.

SarahSinclair · 25/08/2019 16:00

I have 5. I obviously have too many 🤷🏽‍♀️

OhTheRoses · 25/08/2019 16:01

As long as you are funding it all absolutely fine providing all the children get all the attention they need and you can fund five lots of university.

Original poster

Relizeliz · 25/08/2019 16:01

@minibroncs We worked providing medical care and education in rural communities.

OP posts:

wildcherries · 25/08/2019 16:02

This is a genuine q - why are you on mumsnet then?

God, this is so tedious.

As for whether to get a 5th or not, if you can afford it and think you will have time and attention to give to all of your children, do it. Otherwise, have another think.

TinklyLittleLaugh · 25/08/2019 16:02

We have four. 12 years between eldest and youngest and they adore each other. We are a close family and all get on and have a lot of fun.

Having said that, there are times when I’ve felt stretched a bit thin. And I did not do well with three teenagers in the house.

In retrospect, looking at environmental concerns, I feel a bit greedy and guilty about my four, though DH jokes they are offset against members of his family who never wanted children.

My grown up kids are in agreement that more than two kids seems irresponsible nowadays, but all agree they like being part of a big family.

dottiedodah · 25/08/2019 16:03

I think if you really want 5, then go for it!. I realise that I am probably going to get flamed for this ,but many people are choosing to be child free when many others are only having one child . What does your DH think ?.I personally think 2 pregnancies was exhausting so take my hat off to you!.Do what you want and dont be swayed by other peoples opinions !

RichPetunia · 25/08/2019 16:03

Go for it! You'll always wonder what if? If you don't.

itbemay1 · 25/08/2019 16:03

There's a 10 year age gap between me and my DB, we get along fine but there wasn't and isn't a relationship as such

Azeema · 25/08/2019 16:05

It’s your choice.
Lots people have zero kids, so need people to have more kids to make up for that- paying in NI to pay their pensions and their old age NHS costs.
Environment exaggerated.

RosaWaiting · 25/08/2019 16:05

my parents both came from large families and absolutely hated it. I got slated on another thread for saying this but you won't often hear it - it's not easy for someone to say "i hated having so many siblings".

so they might share it with their nearest and dearest but otherwise you won't hear it.

obligations · 25/08/2019 16:06

don't make the older siblings become unofficial babysitters to the youngest ones. That's really shit parenting but so many parents seem to think it's perfectly reasonable to deny their older children a decent childhood.*

Oh fgs, the preciousness between this and the OP thinking just because dcs don't want to share a bedroom they shouldn't! It isn't shit parenting to have older kids occasionally mind younger ones, and what exactly is a 'decent childhood'? No responsibility? Not helping out?

gingersausage · 25/08/2019 16:06

@Skittlenommer do you just come on here to be goady? What do you actually get out of it?

@Relizeliz why would you even care or consider what anyone on here thinks? You are the one who is going to carry, deliver and bring up another child, along with your partner and family. It just seems like a really odd question to ask a load of people who don’t know you, and yet will automatically judge you for daring to deviate from their nice MC norms.

RosaWaiting · 25/08/2019 16:06

PS adoption idea is lovely

agree that it's not fair for DC to be babysitters.

MilkTrayLimeBarrel · 25/08/2019 16:07

SuperSara - I do think 5 is too many but the fact is that it is people in more 'unenlightened' countries who tend to have so many children, whether that is because of insufficient knowledge, lack of birth control, family tradition, etc. and this is what is causing the spiralling world population. When we have brought that under control, then we can maybe think about whether people in our country are breeding too much - until then if OP can afford it, then why not?

obligations · 25/08/2019 16:08

Don't have another one if you're raising a family where ' know no one would want to share/are use to there own rooms'

ItIsWhatItIsInnit · 25/08/2019 16:09

I had 10 years between me and my brother and we absolutely HATED each other until I went off to uni. We only started getting on when he was about 13 and we had things in common.

I wanted a lie-in and peace and quiet and he woke up at 6/7 running around the house with gormless au-pairs living in the house. I don't think it's that kind to your other kids to have more just because you feel like it.

RosaWaiting · 25/08/2019 16:09

Also I notice you say "I really want another baby"

another baby or another human being for the length of your life?

Original poster

Relizeliz · 25/08/2019 16:11

Don't have another one if you're raising a family where ' know no one would want to share/are use to there own rooms'

I just meant that the oldest two especially are use to there own room - obviously depending on age gaps/whether we adopt DC4 can share.

Taking a comment out of context.

OP posts:

obligations · 25/08/2019 16:11

MilkTrayLimeBarrel 'people in more 'unenlightened' countries who tend to have so many children' - where exactly is the 'enlightened' country you're referring to?

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