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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Big family - should I have more kids??

232 replies

Relizeliz · 25/08/2019 15:10

Name changed for this.

I have four sons - aged 9 - 3. I really want another baby, we can afford one and I think we have the resource/time - but is it to many to have 5?

I just don't know if there are limitations - we live in a 5 bed house so long term potentially would have to add a room because I know no one would want to share/are use to there own rooms.

Additionally I just think will a 30 year old and 20 year old have a good relationship and does anyone have any experience of there older kids being resistant to a new baby? He was happy at DC4, but he's older now....

Any thoughts?

OP posts:
thebakerwithboobs · 25/08/2019 15:32

We have six sons and can afford them, spread out (13 years between oldest and youngest) If you can cope with perpetually being asked if you were trying for a girl-we weren't, and I wouldn't know what to do with one-and being blamed for everything from global warming to African poverty then I'd say go for it! Logistically, there are things that you need to consider like cars, holidays, sleeping arrangements etc. At family gatherings we always stay elsewhere because it's too much to ask of people and we always take extra food for our brood (never asked to, but it's polite imo). We are, in fact, just on our way home from holiday so I've just asked the four boys we have here what they think of being one of six and the response is positive. Second youngest said 'I don't know if it would be so good if we were nearer in age because there wouldn't be enough of you and Dad' and I get that point. Our house is always a mess, I can't remember the last time I experienced silence and our food bill is astronomical but I wouldn't have it any other way.

Original poster
Relizeliz · 25/08/2019 15:33

We haven't firmly decided the 'route' of having no.5 if we go ahead DC4 was a complicated pregnancy and we were hoping to speak to a Dr - but we both did charity work in Kenya at Uni and would consider International Adoption. (This may also answer the environment point - but I'm not going to get into that.)

As for child care we have a lady who does 10hrs a week childcare and picks up extras when we ask in advance.

I don't want a girl - I've never found at gender during pregnancy.

OP posts:
SirVixofVixHall · 25/08/2019 15:33

I agree that five is too many. We all have to take responsibility for the massive increases in population, it is not sustainable to live on this planet and keep increasing.

IVEgottheDECAF · 25/08/2019 15:34

We are expecting dc5 any day now. Dc1 is 11 and Dc4 is 2. All have responded well to news of baby 5.

We have a 5 bed house, youngest two will share until someone flies the nest / or we do have downstairs rooms which could be a bedroom if need be.

Fwiw my 11 year old ADORES the 2 year old so similar gap as you would have there

SirVixofVixHall · 25/08/2019 15:34

International adoption a different issue, as that child is already here and needs a family.

CmdrCressidaDuck · 25/08/2019 15:35

I'm one of 6 and while I love having so many siblings as adults, it absolutely made a difference to my upbringing. I'm much, much less close to my parents than DH, who is one of two, and struggle with not feeling entitled to attention/acceptance/love. (My parents never intended to have more than 4, in their defence.) I learned habits of self-reliance and independence which have been at times quite unhelpful and very difficult to unlearn.

I wouldn't.

Daisychainsandglitter · 25/08/2019 15:37

I'm one of 6 and absolutely HATED it.
I'm always absolutely baffled as to why anyone would want more than 2.
In my opinion and experience there is not enough of you to give your children quality time with you there's just not enough of you to go round. Quit whilst you're ahead and enjoy the four children you have.

FluffyPinkSocks · 25/08/2019 15:37

I have 5. Definitely harder to give them all individual time but we try. There is two years between each of them so I always had one in nappies or one not sleeping through the night.

Youngest starting school now so times are changing and getting a tad easier.

Only you can decide what to do!

Cantthinkofanythingrightnow · 25/08/2019 15:38

My 3 older siblings are close in age and then there's 5 years between them and me. Honestly I've always felt left out. They were teens together, shared friends and experiences while I was always an annoying little kid tagging along. Even now they are a lot closer to each other than me as they ended up marrying each other friends etc and often holiday together. I feel the annoying little sister dynamic never changed... they were used to keeping secrets from me and as adults they still dont include me Sad

Windydaysuponus · 25/08/2019 15:38

I currently have 6 at home. If you don't rely on family for childcare or financial help then go for it!

Progress2019 · 25/08/2019 15:39

My best friend from school was the second of 5, and she was always having to miss out on things, because she had to look after the youngest two.

Your 4 children might seem easy to look after now, but things change. I have two girls who didn’t give me a seconds trouble when they were younger, but the teenage years have been much, much harder. Sometimes I feel like theres not enough of me to go round, so, I would think that in much bigger families, the parents either struggle, or don’t bother.

Even without taking the planet into consideration (which makes this another big no no), i’d say enjoy the children, and the life you already have.

TheQueef · 25/08/2019 15:39

Five will turn into six.
Once you have six you may as well carry on.
Question the motivation.

BrutusMcDogface · 25/08/2019 15:39

I’m completely baffled as to why anyone would have more than two.

(I say this as the third child.)

This is so sad.

Cantthinkofanythingrightnow · 25/08/2019 15:40

Just seen your update about adoption, in that case I think the child would feel even more different and left out. Could you maybe wait until your birth children are a little older and then adopt 2 kids so they can share the experience?

BirthdayKake · 25/08/2019 15:42

I've just had my fifth child, OP. It's great, so far!

Skittlenommer · 25/08/2019 15:44

Nobody needs to have 5 children!

You’ve had too many as it is!

Original poster
Relizeliz · 25/08/2019 15:46

I have visions of people walking through Brighton with three children being screamed at for ruining the planet. Wink

Maybe a one child policy? They're known to be successful.

OP posts:
WeBuiltCisCityOnSexistRoles · 25/08/2019 15:47

All these people saying 5 are too many, what do you think is the acceptable number of children people should have?

Skittlenommer · 25/08/2019 15:47

I’m completely baffled as to why anyone would have more than two

I’m completely baffled as to why anyone would have children at all! It looks terrible! It blows my mind that anyone would consider having 5 of them!!

Original poster
Relizeliz · 25/08/2019 15:48

@Skittlenommer This is a genuine q - why are you on mumsnet then?

OP posts:
SweetMelodies · 25/08/2019 15:49

I say if you want one and can afford/have thought carefully then go for it :)

What are the exact reasons for wanting another though? If it’s more about the baby experience i would think carefully because they grow up in the blink of an eye.

Hmmmbop · 25/08/2019 15:49

My mum loved the baby stage, and kept having babies. We had enough money and enough room. But my parents did not have enough time to meet the needs of 5 kids. A 10yo needs their needs meeting in a very different way to a baby, it's hard to meet those needs simultaneously.

Stop now. For the sake of the kids you have.

Socksontheradiator · 25/08/2019 15:51

I would quit while I was ahead, to be honest. I longed for a 5th too, but we decided against in the end, and I'm really glad we did.
The cost, personally (they get more expensive as they get older, not less!) and to the planet, can't be discounted.

BubblesBubbly · 25/08/2019 15:52

Do you want a baby or a child?... will you want another when that baby becomes a child?

I’d feel sorry for your other dc, I bet it’s hard to do anything fun or one to one

BigFatLiar · 25/08/2019 15:52

If you want another and can afford it/have room then why not. As long as it has a loving family around it I think its entirely up to you and your OH.