AIBU to tell my OH’s parents to go and F themselves?

[WillowPeach]

Oh I am so tempted to, but in the spirit of being civil, I have this far refrained from doing so.

Back story, OH and I are getting married in 2 years. We’ve chosen a weekday because it’s £5000 cheaper and will be our 10 year anniversary so a very special date. Long story short, his parents fell out with us over it.

We’ve not spoken for almost 9 months. His Dad last week tapped him on the shoulder and asked if they could talk. Great, I thought, maybe we can finally move past all this. His Dad got upset and apologised for their behaviour.

So today I’ve just sent this to his Dad...

Hi ‘name’, I just wanted to say that I’m glad that you’ve spoken to ‘name’ at the match. I know we’re not there yet, but I hope in time we’ll all be able to put this period behind us. Life is too short for all this falling out and it hangs like a heavy weight around the neck, I’m sure you and ‘name’ (MIL) feel the same. I know our wedding day is an odd one, but we’d really love it if you and ‘name’ would be able to join us to celebrate our special day and be a part of our bridal party. ‘Name’ (OH) and I very surprisingly happened across a suit which he loves enough to wear it on the big day so we went ahead and bought it as seasons will no doubt change and it will go out of stock. We’ve found another one in the same range but similar in style that we’d like the bridal party men to wear. So I’m just wondering if you’d like to celebrate with us and send over your typical suit sizing so we can pick them up in case the ranges change. Hope you’re doing ok. We miss you both xx

He sent this back...

I've put on weight since I got my last suit. Where are you getting it from and do they measure you.

So I said...

‘Name’ (OH) has bought one that is a little snug as he intends to lose a little weight. The brand is Marc Darcy bought from Lambretta in the ‘Location’. They’d measure you if you asked I’m sure x

He said...

Ok cheers. What colour.

So I sent him a picture of it that is taken yesterday

He replies...

I'd have to go down and get measured.

I replied...

Ok no problem x

Nothing else at all from him. I’m getting vibes that it’s an inconvenience, he’s not that fussed that and honestly I’m a bit peeved that I feel like I wore my heart on my sleeve and he totally pied it.

So I said...

Am I being presumptuous in saying that it’s likely you’ll come? X

ARRRGH it’s like drawing blood from a stone. I respected that he’d reached out to my OH at the football game so I thought he’d appreciate me reaching back out to him (FWIW I didn’t have any cross words with him when the issue happened, it was my OH that did). Am I being paranoid or is he giving the impression that he doesn’t want to be there? I don’t get it, it’s his only son getting married, we’ve not asked them for a penny, we only wanted them to be happy for us and celebrate our day. But I feel like it’s just been a complete inconvenience for them just because of the day of the week. Thoughts please, I feel very frustrated and sad

He read that last message over an hour ago and still not responded. I can get the hint but it’s no less hurtful.

But why did they fall out with you about the midweek wedding?? What was their reason?

Why don't either you or your DO pick up the phone and have a proper conversation?

Thoughts?
Put the phone down. Some people don’t keep responding. Especially men. I send texts to dh and he often doesn’t respond by text but will do the thing so there is a string of texts from me. When I asked him why not he just said there is nothing to say. Women otoh would prob just say ok or similar.

Luckily the men in the bridal party don’t typically fluctuate with their build.

Sorry OP, that really made me laugh.

God you are hard work. Don't you have any boundaries, and is this why they fell out with you?
Oh, it's not the bridal party, but your wording speaks volumes.
It's the wedding party, you know, the important getting married bit, not the suits and dress.
Jeez, your poor partner.

Him : What colour and make?
You: xyz
Him: Ok! will need to go down and get measured
You: no problem x

Surely that was the end of the conversation? What were you expecting from him next?
He had a perfectly normal back and forth with you.
You made it hard work. Your next message wasn’t necessary!

It doesn't matter what suit he wears to your wedding in TWO YEARS TIME!!!! Stop hassling the man , I think I would be reconsidering going to your wedding if you were being this bridezillery with two years to go.

Chill out, work on re building the relationship, far more important than the wedding party all being matchy matchy.

The fact that you want everyone to wear the same suit, and are fussing them to buy the suits now, for a wedding in 2 years time, sounds completely bonkers!

If you haven't spoken in 9 months, this sounds like a huge leap forward. I'd take it all positively and perhaps it's more appropriate for DHtobe to chat to his DF about anything further?

Chill out OP.

Its not important at the moment. Really.

@HollowTalk

His parents do work and they do work Monday-Friday job. As do my partner and I. However, the majority of our family and friends work shift patterns all over the place, it’s impossible to please everybody.

In terms of why we are getting the suits now - it just happened that way, it was in no way planned. My OH found one he loves and wanted to purchase. The others match it. Also, OH and I are buying the suits so we are working with a budget. One of the reasons why we are having it in two years is so we can take advantage of bargains. Currently the suits are £50 off, that’s a £250 saving right there.

So because he said quite reasonably that he's need to get measured, you're now questioning his commitment.

FFS! What MORE do you want?!

Anyone that would gp to the effort of typing that out, plus has a wedding booked in 2 years away is clearly utterly fucking mental

Of course yabu. You're incapable of r as a default setting

imo

And stupid to include details about a bloody suit in your first exchange after a fall out.

@Littlechocola I have no idea, I’ll have to google

I don’t want blood, I want their approval. They’ve really upset us this year by how they went on at the beginning of the year. My OH had the words with him but it’s both of us that have been upset by it. I suppose I want to feel that we are both loved by them because I don’t feel like we are, all decisions we’ve ever made are always an inconvenience to them. My Dad lives 3 hours away, we have a great relationship but I don’t see him often. My Mum died last year and I suppose I’m trying to compensate for that by wanting to be close to them as they are the only family we live near. I know you can’t force relationships but we care for them greatly and feel that we’re always a disappointment to them.

Surely your dp should be discussing suits with him? I agree with everyone else, leave it be. It comes across like you're badgering him.

This thread is getting better by the minute

@AhNowTed stupid or not, it was with good intentions. I don’t want them to feel excluded again like they have said they felt in the past.

Your first conversation in 9 months and you're asking him to get measured for a suit to wear in 2 years and confirm they'll be attending?

You need to slow down.

What's to say that his Dad (or any other of the party) will not gain or lose weight in two years? Even if he gets measured now it doesn't mean the suit will fit.

The suit situation aside, it doesn't make sense that the first conversation you've had is about the very subject you fell out about and you haven't even spoken to your MIL yet.

I would have sent the first part of your message up until "feel the same" and then made arrangements to meet up for a cup of tea and a chat.

Trying to work out what kind of a suit would be somebody's personality, and having looked at their website, am still confused. Unless your partner is an extra from Peaky Blinders?

@Drabarni

Yes it’s my partners Dad, but he’s my future FIL and I care about him. I missed both him and his wife over the past few months.

@NoBaggyPants nope, no peaky blinders. It just has unusual colour tones in it that he is notorious for wearing. I haven’t seen a suit with that colour combination before. Like I say, it was just choice to purchase it.

I don't see anything wrong with this. He said be would go and get measured. You're making it into something it's not.

It's two fucking years away! Christ on a bike! Chill out. It's TWO years away! We could all be dead by then.