AIBU to tell my OH’s parents to go and F themselves?

[WillowPeach]

Oh I am so tempted to, but in the spirit of being civil, I have this far refrained from doing so.

Back story, OH and I are getting married in 2 years. We’ve chosen a weekday because it’s £5000 cheaper and will be our 10 year anniversary so a very special date. Long story short, his parents fell out with us over it.

We’ve not spoken for almost 9 months. His Dad last week tapped him on the shoulder and asked if they could talk. Great, I thought, maybe we can finally move past all this. His Dad got upset and apologised for their behaviour.

So today I’ve just sent this to his Dad...

Hi ‘name’, I just wanted to say that I’m glad that you’ve spoken to ‘name’ at the match. I know we’re not there yet, but I hope in time we’ll all be able to put this period behind us. Life is too short for all this falling out and it hangs like a heavy weight around the neck, I’m sure you and ‘name’ (MIL) feel the same. I know our wedding day is an odd one, but we’d really love it if you and ‘name’ would be able to join us to celebrate our special day and be a part of our bridal party. ‘Name’ (OH) and I very surprisingly happened across a suit which he loves enough to wear it on the big day so we went ahead and bought it as seasons will no doubt change and it will go out of stock. We’ve found another one in the same range but similar in style that we’d like the bridal party men to wear. So I’m just wondering if you’d like to celebrate with us and send over your typical suit sizing so we can pick them up in case the ranges change. Hope you’re doing ok. We miss you both xx

He sent this back...

I've put on weight since I got my last suit. Where are you getting it from and do they measure you.

So I said...

‘Name’ (OH) has bought one that is a little snug as he intends to lose a little weight. The brand is Marc Darcy bought from Lambretta in the ‘Location’. They’d measure you if you asked I’m sure x

He said...

Ok cheers. What colour.

So I sent him a picture of it that is taken yesterday

He replies...

I'd have to go down and get measured.

I replied...

Ok no problem x

Nothing else at all from him. I’m getting vibes that it’s an inconvenience, he’s not that fussed that and honestly I’m a bit peeved that I feel like I wore my heart on my sleeve and he totally pied it.

So I said...

Am I being presumptuous in saying that it’s likely you’ll come? X

ARRRGH it’s like drawing blood from a stone. I respected that he’d reached out to my OH at the football game so I thought he’d appreciate me reaching back out to him (FWIW I didn’t have any cross words with him when the issue happened, it was my OH that did). Am I being paranoid or is he giving the impression that he doesn’t want to be there? I don’t get it, it’s his only son getting married, we’ve not asked them for a penny, we only wanted them to be happy for us and celebrate our day. But I feel like it’s just been a complete inconvenience for them just because of the day of the week. Thoughts please, I feel very frustrated and sad

He read that last message over an hour ago and still not responded. I can get the hint but it’s no less hurtful.

@WillowPeach Leaving the details of the wedding aside, it's all a bit full on. It came from the right place on your part but it looks like it was a bit full on for his dad and he wasn't quite ready yet, and he probably has no idea that he's upset you because he has replied, just not in the way you'd hoped he would.

I'd leave the comms to your DP for a bit, and let the relationship rebuild. To be honest, it doesn't sound like they know for sure yet whether they will attend, but he's clearly intending to and he's willing to go and get measured.

He will be your FIL and it's lovely of you to miss him and to try and include them; but while the relationship is fragile and the initial fail out was over the wedding, let DP take the lead and heal things and then the wedding will be less likely to open old wounds!

All the best for your wedding.

Spending an extra £5k to have a Saturday is irresponsible.

Spending so much on a wedding you can even save £5k is barking mad OP.

OP - AIBU

90% MN - YABU

OP - No I'm not, you're all BU!

Oh well!

I dont think yabu op I do think the suits situation was premature but I put that down to excitement.
I wouldnt pay £5000 more do what you are happy with.
They sound controlling from the ignoring you for 9 months over the wedding day not being how they want it, to the booking you an appointment with a mortgage advisor.

Stop trying and let your partner deal with it all dont give it anymore headspace.
And ignore alot of the nasty remarks on this thread as it seems to have got very out of hand.

You asked AIBU to tell OH's parents to go and F themselves...

The answer is yes. Ignoring all the added bits of information you say it's not about the wedding day/date or suits it's purely because you feel you didn't get a gushing reply to your gushing message.

Then yes, YABU.

Oh my goodness...

So you claim to love your ILs and then post a title saying 'AIBU to tell my OH's parents to go and F themselves?'

That doesn't say love to me.

Sounds like because he didn't read from your script of life, you've got pissed over his replies. He answered you - what more did you want?

Him to make a video there and then of him going to said shop and trying on the suit?

They have made up - you should have left it like that.

Reading this sounds as if you are pissed off that OH has made up with his dad and are trying to cause issues that aren't there - such as he hasn't messaged in 60 mins and tell him to F off!

Get a fucking grip woman! X

FWIW, what i’m actually upset about is that I feel like I let my guard down to try and build bridges and it wasn’t acknowledged

All these responses and you are still trotting out the self indulgent whining.
I don't think that the 'assumptions' you are complaining about on this thread are far off the mark based on YOUR own responses.
Cannot imagine the money you are spending on a weekday wedding that is 5k cheaper than the Saturday. I'd probably be disappointed if my kids were so irresponsible as well.
I would also think that knowing you've got to have your nose in every.single.interaction as well, being a 'team' and all, would be extremely wearing.

Op will you be offended and annoyed if he doesn’t fit into the suit in 2 years time so it ends up being a waste of money? Will you expect him to pay you back?

Jesus @CJsGoldfish did you not read the full thread? The OP's mother died last year and her ILs have subsequently given her the cold shoulder for months over something as trivial as what day of the week she's getting married. I'm not saying OP is blameless but come on, have a bit of human empathy!