To think this isn't a 'lazy day'?

[jamoncrumpet]

'Let's have a lazy day', says DH, 'We've had such a busy week'.

DH's Lazy Day:
Drinking beer
Watching cricket
Doing the crossword in his cricket magazine
Reading a book
Half blowing up a paddling pool

My Lazy Day:
Finishing blowing up the paddling pool
Going out to get lunch
Preparing lunch for DH and DCs
Cleaning out the chicken coop
Doing two loads of laundry
Cleaning up lunch things and loading dishwasher
Supervising DCs in paddling pool while DH watches cricket

AIBU to tell DH that his concept of a family 'lazy day' is actually just him getting to be a lazy bastard all day long while I carry on as usual?

I sort of see OP’s point here in that, lthough I have a DH who helps out a lot, I couldn’t see being able to have a day where I completely downed tools as doing that would mean having a load more to do the next day ..kids & pets here require a lot of attention & management 😂

However, taking today as an example, we worked though everything that needed doing together this morning (and decided on a fridge raid for dinner) so that we are now able to spend the rest of the day doing whatever we like ... currently I’m reading in the lounge with the dogs asleep on me, DH is sitting in the back garden watching a movie on his iPad.. and our DC are playing with some friends in the front garden - everyone is happy & no one feels like they had to enable it all..

So OP, YANBU to be annoyed at your DH not pulling his weight to allow to all to relax.. but YABU to moan about it on here rather than tell him that

Upset, but not surprised, by the attitudes of those who think that SEN/disabled kids are no harder to parent than NT/non disabled kids.

They are wrong in so many ways that I just can't be bothered to begin to list them.

Thanks to those who understand and have been supportive.

There are some right stupid fuckers on this thread.

I have 2 adult children on the spectrum. I also had a useless twat of a husband who did bugger all to help.

As to the idiots saying 'oh it's the cricket. You should just watch it with your dh and the children' - ffs. Maybe OP doesn't like cricket? Maybe her autistic child and baby wouldn't be interested in the slightest?

Unleash the kids on him. Make a list of all the things you have had to get done on your 'lazy day' and then speak to your dh. If he can't see why there's a problem then you have a dh problem. He needs to grow up.

OP, does your H have any reason not to drive?

I hear you op. Many NT kids don't need much supervision but parents don't realise how easy they have it. My dc are 5 and 7 and the 7yo has ASD. I do need to supervise them and help dd1 manage turn taking or tasks that require fine motor skills. She's just not as independent as other kids her age.

When the kids were younger, a day doing what you describe would have been v busy and tough because of the constant monitoring!

It doesn't matter whether the OP's husband has any reason not to drive - he doesn't drive now and it's not a 5 minute fix to suggest he learns. If he hasn't worked it out for himself by now, then there almost certainly IS a good reason why he doesn't drive, whether it's medical, anxiety, dyspraxia, fear or whatever. I doubt he just forgot to learn how.

What matters is that he doesn't SEE what needs to be done. And you can call it sexist old nonsense but it's true of a huge number of men, husbands, partners or not.
You can't expect them to willingly change without an impetus to do so - it's not in their interest to change. Currently someone else picks up the load - cool!
Currently someone else does the thinking and then tells them what they need to do - cool!

Unless it becomes in their own interest to make a change, they won't (this is true of women as well)

So either the OP (and others) have to continue to carry the mental load and ask the lazy feckers to help out, OR they have to put up with doing it themselves because the lazy feckers are just going to leave it and leave it and leave it until their mental-load-bearer cracks.

It's not right, it's certainly not the way things should be, but it's the way things often ARE and railing against it and wishing it was different is of no practical use. Implementing strategies to force change is the only way change is going to happen - and quite often that change ends up being the couple splitting up, but not always! sometimes the lazy feckers DO realise (with enough prodding) and make the change because they don't want to lose their partner/family. Sometimes circumstances force the change.

But all the while they can get away with being lazy arse feckers, they will.

It doesn't matter whether the OP's husband has any reason not to drive - he doesn't drive now and it's not a 5 minute fix to suggest he learns. If he hasn't worked it out for himself by now, then there almost certainly IS a good reason why he doesn't drive, whether it's medical, anxiety, dyspraxia, fear or whatever. I doubt he just forgot to learn how.

Well it matters to those of us that are interested in this thread and would like context.

It might be an indicator of his overall attitude to pulling his weight if he just decided that since the OP drove there was no need for him to do it.

Don't really get all the many many arsey replies the op is getting here. As usual on mn everyone has everything sorted where the 4 year olds are doing the ironing and husband leaps out of bed at 6am to prep dinner. Only joking... I think.
Anyway op, I don't know what you can do about him other than shoving his cricket magazine up his arse and seeing if that shifts him.

OP if I were you I would start a new thread in relationships about your incompetent husband.

He's opting out of basic parenting/adulting and you are shouldering the entire burden.

He needs an ultimatum - step up or ship out. Because as things are going you will just grow to resent him more and more.

"Well it matters to those of us that are interested in this thread and would like context."

Because of course YOUR titillation needs are that much more important than the OP's life

Just for you @cushioncovers - DH cannot drive because he is partially sighted.

Thank you jamon

Thumb don't be so dramatic

I can't even begin to fathom how difficult is is parenting non NT kids, but your problem is with your DH.
While driving tasks are out, there are many he can do. If he chooses not to see they need doing (not an eyesight joke, just an unfortunate turn of phrase) there's nothing to stop you asking him to help out.
Men are just as capable as women, and in a house where Mr Jeremy and I both work FT, we both pick up the slack for the household chores. No wifework here. If he didn't, I'd have no hesitation in asking him to do xyz.
You sound frazzled love, and it's shit that your husband doesn't help out. No, you shouldn't HAVE to ask him to help, but what would happen if you did? Would he? If not, why not?

Jeremybear - the OP has said he does things like eyerolling and sighing when asked, which is very frustrating

Sounds a fairly chilled day to me. I would say in future do you want to blow up and the pool or make lunch? Do you want to pop to the shop or stay home and watch them in the pool? Give him options like you would a child lol it honestly works