To think this isn't a 'lazy day'?

[jamoncrumpet]

'Let's have a lazy day', says DH, 'We've had such a busy week'.

DH's Lazy Day:
Drinking beer
Watching cricket
Doing the crossword in his cricket magazine
Reading a book
Half blowing up a paddling pool

My Lazy Day:
Finishing blowing up the paddling pool
Going out to get lunch
Preparing lunch for DH and DCs
Cleaning out the chicken coop
Doing two loads of laundry
Cleaning up lunch things and loading dishwasher
Supervising DCs in paddling pool while DH watches cricket

AIBU to tell DH that his concept of a family 'lazy day' is actually just him getting to be a lazy bastard all day long while I carry on as usual?

Supervising an autistic kid and a baby in a paddling pool is more intense than you might imagine

So why did you not tell him to help ??

He ran out of puff @Namechangeforthiscancershit

Why would you have ham with crumpets

Lazy day is when you do nothing all day that requires effort in my opinion.

Yes, you did more than him but other than cleaning out the chicken coop I'd say that counts as a lazy day!

Would've been better to share the rest out between you though.

I don't. I have jam on crumpets @Sooverthemill

Agree with Lannie. Get pool out tomorrow, start to blow it up and then ask him to finish, then say he needs to supervise kids whilst you go for a relaxing bath / watch something on telly etc

not driving is irrelevant to almost all of those things. I don't drive either and we don't have a car. he could have done loads of those things or you could both have left them for another day.

Having said that, I don't think your day sounds massively arduous either.

AIBU to tell DH that his concept of a family 'lazy day' is actually just him getting to be a lazy bastard all day long while I carry on as usual?

Yes, YABU. A much more effective strategy is to say nothing, shoulder all of the donkey work yourself, then complain about it online.

Stop enabling him, most of the jobs you have done he could of. Turn the cricket off and tell him to get off his arse and help.

He ran out of puff

Poor love. Probably all that cricket watching that did it!

jamon yes but I read 'jamon' 'crumpets '

I really don’t understand threads like these. Have you said all this to DH? If you decide to be such a martyr that’s on you - tell your DH ‘yes let’s have a lazy day after we’ve done x y z...’. But really you can’t have a ‘lazy day’ with kids - I had a ‘lazy morning’, lying in bed and reading a book while DH was playing with and sorting out DS, we went out together for the afternoon and DH had a ‘lazy late afternoon’ watching cricket on the telly while I played with DS. Communicate properly and make some compromises.

Well when he suggested a lazy day, I'd have said, 'fab, manic morning then lazy day! You do the x,y,z, and I'll do the a,b,c, than lazy day it is!'

You'd then both have had a fab day with DC.

As others have said, why are you martyring yourself? It's beautiful weather, perfect for a lazy day. For everyone.

Anything other than butter on crumpets is just so wrong.

Have you spoken to him? If not, start there!

Sorry OP- no sympathy.

You are enabling his laziness.

Why didn’t you give him the baby while he was watching tv?

Why didn't you sty anything to him? Like "Shift your arse and do something!"

So the only thing he couldn't actually help with was the driving going out to get the lunch?

So then why did you allow yourself to be the only one do do everything on the list?

Nothing will ever change if you do it all even if you do it unhappily, he doesn't care or doesn't notice your not happy doing it all so you are just going to have to have to tell him dh I'm busy doing x please make lunch or

You are and are not being unreasonable.

Yes YANBU because he got to be lazy and you didn't, but YABU because you could have made him do more, and you needn't have done as much.

Next time he says "let's have a lazy day" - YOU sit down and do fuck all and when something needs doing just remind him that you carried on last time so it's his turn this time. A
And if he says "but I want a lazy day" then remind him that you do too but SOME fucker has to do lunch etc.

It depends on your definition of lazy day, the things you have listed aren’t many and wouldn’t take up much time (less if you asked him to share). That would actually be a lazy day for me.

It was your choice though wasn't it?

Apart from supervising the kids, you could have had the lazy day you agreed to.

YANBU

Why it it the OPs fault that she either didn’t delegate or tell her DH to do it, or shouldn’t have done it herself or is a martyr or enabling him. How many ways can a woman be blamed?

Apart from the chicken coup and laundry which may have waited, how come the DH can’t see that even on a lazy day they still had to eat and clear up, the kids still had to be supervised. How come he couldn’t see his DW doing this and get up to do his half?

@jamoncrumpet

Not sure what you expect people to say tbh.

Your DH's version of a lazy day sounds normal and acceptable.

It's not ideal that he doesn't drive, but I assume you knew that when you met him, and decided to marry him and have kids with him?

Doing so many chores and then moaning about it is really no-one else's fault but yours tbh.

And of COURSE you can have a lazy day with kids. Just chill in the garden, play some footie, play a board game, hide and seek or whatever... I have had loads of lazy days and fun days with mine. Some people just love to moan!

Doing loads of chores was your choice. YABU, and you sound like a bit of a high-maintenance, serial moaner to be quite honest. I can't help but feel a bit sorry for your husband.

I have sunbathed for a few hours today, and read a few chapters of my book, but I have also done 2 loads of washing, done lunch AND dinner, and watered all the plants, and done the washing up twice, and tidied the garage.

DH has put up a hanging basket, and spent the rest of the day watching TV, and lying on the sun lounger. OOOOOH, I'm soooo hard done by. Yeah right. I don't give a shit because I'm not a whingebag who loads myself up with tasks and chores and then moans about it!

And as a few people have said, the things you listed don't sound like much anyway. They wouldn't have taken much time! And as has been said, you chose to do the tasks.