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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this isn't a 'lazy day'?

217 replies

jamoncrumpet · 24/08/2019 17:27

'Let's have a lazy day', says DH, 'We've had such a busy week'.

DH's Lazy Day:
Drinking beer
Watching cricket
Doing the crossword in his cricket magazine
Reading a book
Half blowing up a paddling pool

My Lazy Day:
Finishing blowing up the paddling pool
Going out to get lunch
Preparing lunch for DH and DCs
Cleaning out the chicken coop
Doing two loads of laundry
Cleaning up lunch things and loading dishwasher
Supervising DCs in paddling pool while DH watches cricket

AIBU to tell DH that his concept of a family 'lazy day' is actually just him getting to be a lazy bastard all day long while I carry on as usual?

OP posts:
ThisHereMamaBear · 24/08/2019 21:22

Be kind to yourself on lazy days too! The washing can wait. My favourite lazy day treat is serving a picky plate where i include bits and bobs from the cupboards and fridge. Kids love it and i love how little effort is required but still easy to keep nutritious

behindthescenes · 24/08/2019 21:29

I’m sorry OP. People are being really dense. You have had an exhausting day because every day is exhausting with an autistic preschooler and a baby. Add in a few chores and it can feel properly hectic when on paper it might not look like you’ve done very much. Your husband is being a dick because he apparently hasn’t noticed this. You need to figure out how to stop this from happening. Can you talk to him? Will he see reason? What really changed the dynamic for me was going away for a weekend and walking out the door having made no special preparations like I had in the past (meals planned, activities lined up). DH was exhausted and the house was a wreck when I got back but he never again underestimated the labour involved in just looking after small children. You might need to stop doing everything now and again so he can see what it is that you do all the time.

Atthebottomofthegarden · 24/08/2019 21:34

Swap tomorrow?

theunrivalledjoysofparenting · 24/08/2019 21:37

Op, your h sounds useless, lazy and selfish. But he won’t magically change. You are going to have to be the one who says ‘why are you rolling your eyes? Why do you think it’s fair for me to do all this?’

I’d go out all day tomorrow and leave him with the dc. He’ll learn what they need.

If he doesn’t, then what choice do you have? LTB.

What were you expecting or hoping for from this thread?

ShiftHappens · 24/08/2019 21:43

if you have DC (esp young ones or one with SN), then lazy days are never lazy for everyone.

It's a bank holiday weekend. He had a lazy day today, you have one tomorrow. Take the car and get yourself out.

SarfE4sticated · 24/08/2019 21:44

Sounds like you have three kids OP. GrinGin

Cricket magazine crossword? BALL
A
STUMP

Wildorchidz · 24/08/2019 21:47

People are being really dense.

People answered based on the information the op gave in her first post. It took a while for her to say that one child is autistic and that she is fed up of her dh’s laziness and shitty behaviour. If she had put all that information in her first post she would have got very different answers.

TeaForDad · 24/08/2019 21:53

Sounds like a nice day to me.
I don't like days of doing nothing, cleaning chickens would be a satisfying job

Jubba · 24/08/2019 21:54

@user1493759849

Brilliant!!!!!! Now THATS how you answer the question!

Jubba · 24/08/2019 22:05

@jamoncrumpet. You need to communicate all this with him.

How has this post helped? I doubt after all the stick you’ve got it’s helped anymore than having a man eye roll at you. Men are sometimes just that way. We all have our crap parts of us. You either discuss it. Live with it. Don’t speak about it. Carry on. Or get rid of them completely.

I’m thinking this post didn’t turn out as you’d like.

I don’t ever believe when you’ve got small children. That you can ever really have a lazy day. I understand having an autistic child. Whilst mine is t autistic. Mine was very very poorly. I barely slept the first 3 years of her life. I remember being awake for 8 days in a row. I literally melted at that point. My husband was on the other side of the world working and he made an emergency flight home so he could alleviate me. He wouldn’t of known had I not spoken to him

Being a parent is exhausting. But we signed up for this. This is what it’s like. The good and the bad and the sometimes god awful.

likeafishneedsabike · 24/08/2019 22:19

Some weird responses here. OP wasn’t suggesting that she deserved a medal for what she’d done on a Saturday. She was just explaining that while she was keeping the house ticking over and the DC occupied and fed, her DH wasn’t contributing to the mundane routines of weekend family life. She was being an adult on her own, which is shit for anyone.
It’s not helpful to say that she shouldn’t have done the washing or that she should have ordered a Domino’s FFS!! Laundry and food shopping/prep are just part of life and every capable member of the family should be contributing. Letting the washing mount up and feeding the family junk shouldn’t happen just because one adult CBA.

Pinkblueberry · 24/08/2019 22:31

You can call me unreasonable for marrying him in the first place but should I really be putting an intelligent 38 year old man to work?

No - which is why is why perhaps you shouldn’t have married him, if that’s not what you want to do. I would hate that, and couldn’t love or respect a man who behaves this way - which is why I married one who doesn’t. So your choices are now to either ‘put him to work’, LTB, or spend the rest of your life complaining and expecting people on the internet to feel sorry for you (not many will). Find some self respect and stop feeling sorry for yourself.

IAmALazyArse · 24/08/2019 23:03

Did the washing and coop need to be done today? Surely that could have waited till tomorrow and you all could have been lazying around.

Carrotcakeforbreakfast · 24/08/2019 23:38

You're getting a hard time here OP.

Must be a full moon as the wonder mums are out in force Hmm

Anyway, he sounds a lot like my DH... we often have words and he will say well I didn't know we needed milk or the washing needed to be done. You should have told me to to it...
I take exception to this as he is 45 and not a child frankly. Nobody tells me either but I do it.
Yanbu

Carrotcakeforbreakfast · 24/08/2019 23:41

Also the LTB being thrown around

Is there no middle ground on MN?!

I like the idea of a pp.
Don't do anything of his.

Butterymuffin · 25/08/2019 00:26

He makes minute eye rolls or sighs and that makes me more furious than doing the jobs myself. Or he just doesn't do them.

Agree with the pp saying stop doing anything for him in that case. When he contributes to the running of the household, he gets to benefit. In the meantime, answer any queries about where his lunch, clean washing etc. are with 'Oh, I'm having a lazy day'.

Yeahnahmum · 25/08/2019 01:16

He said "let's have a lazy day"
YOU then choose to do shitloads
And even made him lunch!?

So. .. the person to blame is
Y o u r s e l f

MrsTerryPratchett · 25/08/2019 01:37

YOU then choose to do shitloads

So who would actually make sure the baby and child with SEN are OK? Fairies? She had to because he wasn't and someone had to.

Yeahnahmum · 25/08/2019 02:31

She did NOT have to make him lunch
Nor do laundry (still would be there tomorrow waiting haha )

So... yeah.. THAT is her own fault
And to be honest. A Lazy day is STILL a day you have to parent. For both parents. So she should have just kicked her dh into gear and man up

MrsTerryPratchett · 25/08/2019 06:00

So she should have just kicked her dh into gear and man up

Or a grown up, father of two, couldn't work that out on his own? Odd because mine understands that children need fed and not to drown in a blow up pool. I must have the 2.0 DH. That has basic decency installed.

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 25/08/2019 06:05

Apart from the chickens it was a lazy day.

Get him to do lunch and watch kids in pool, then you’re even.

I’m not getting that angst here.

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 25/08/2019 06:07

He won’t want to do anything this morning though - the cricket is thrilling - me and dh will be glued to it Grin

Monty27 · 25/08/2019 06:09

OP what's a busy day? Confused

Teaandcrisps · 25/08/2019 06:21

So trying to picture this scenario- you made lunch for everyone including your OH. He eats lunch, you clear away lunch and load dishwasher. Wtf is he doing whilst you're picking up after everyone? Just how does he think that's acceptable?

Teacher22 · 25/08/2019 06:35

Actually, there is no such thing as a lazy day in a household with children. Clothes need to be clean, people need to eat, the house needs not to descend into chaos.

The adults both need to take some responsibility for these tasks. You could do all the washing, ironing, food prep together in the morning and both do something nice with the children in the afternoon.

Sitting watching TV while the other childminds and picks up all the household work is simply not on.

OP, you need to sit down with a list of daily tasks and when they have to be done by ( to avoid the ‘I’ll do it later’ get out) and decide between you
who does what. Either of you could have a treat such as an hour alone watching TV or a visit to, say, the hairdresser built into the schedule.

The care of a baby and a child with special needs should be fairly shared between two parents. It’s a twenty four seven commitment.

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