Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Sister-in-Law’s locked room

268 replies

TerracottaDream · 24/08/2019 14:50

A couple of years ago brother was let down by a babysitter so I volunteered. Niece and nephew went to bed I made a cup of tea and went to go in the front room but the room was locked. I realised that I had never been in that room and that evening was the first time I had been upstairs. No issues but when they came back sister-in-law hoped I had been comfortable. I mentioned the front room and she said visitors were not allowed in there. I imagined it was because it was messy. I made a little joke and forgot about it.
Been a few times since then. We always sit in the kitchen. Went over for lunch over Christmas holidays sat in kitchen (a very nice one with sofas) had a lovely meal and brother suggests we move into other room again SiL says guests aren’t allowed, again I make a little joke about being used to mess.
Today I texted to say I would drop off niece’s birthday present and leave it in porch but when I got there brother was in well we went in front room- it’s like something out of the bloody Ideal Home Show!!! She clearly didn’t want me and DH in there (even when our kids aren’t with us) !
I am really pissed off( yes I know it’s her fucking house!!!) my friend and I just met accidentally in Starbucks and she is pissing herself laughing at me. AIBU?

OP posts:
Ohyesiam · 24/08/2019 16:29

How is this your business?
Why are you pissed off?

jennymanara · 24/08/2019 16:30

In some families family are seen as very different to guests. My mum would get very upset if I acted like a guest in their house.

NoSauce · 24/08/2019 16:31

Weird how so many people think they are entitled to have access to anywhere they want in someone's house just because they are related

Agree with you. I have a room that’s I don’t use for relatives and their children, I don’t lock it but I always use the kitchen or the lounge as I don’t want mucky fingers being wiped on my pale sofas or juice spilling on my light carpet. Which I think is pretty reasonable seeing as I’m the one that paid for them?!

I don’t see a problem at all with what the SIL does here. It’s not like she’s making them sit on camping chairs on the drive is it? Wink

BananasAreTheSourceOfEvil · 24/08/2019 16:31

Are you sure she hasn’t got the bodies hidden in there? Third party from a threesome behind the curtains?

I understand why you’re irked, good enough to look after the children but not good enough for the Good Sofa.

Does she make you drink out of a beaker like hyancinth bucket?

BlueJava · 24/08/2019 16:32

YABU, her house. You say the kitchen is comfortable with sofa, and apparently she just keeps a room for "best". This used to be very common (even when I was a child). How old is SIL - perhaps she is just old fashioned that way. I'd think it was funny tbh.

OneStepSideways · 24/08/2019 16:32

Do you have a tendency to spill drinks/drop crumbs/keep your shoes on indoors/have pet hair on your clothes?

If the kitchen has sofas I don't think it's unreasonable to keep the living room a private space.

Maybe she thinks if she lets you in once you'll bring your kids in next time. I dislike other people's kids in my lounge as they climb on things/get sticky fingers on stuff/generally make a mess, so it takes ages to get it ready to relax in after they go.

frogsbreath · 24/08/2019 16:35

My husbands friend has this in her house! Well almost. It's a north east England terraced house so two rooms downstairs. She has one as a family lounge with the kitchen just off it and one room as the "front room" lounge. Her family are not allowed in it at all!

She only has one very lovely teenage boy and a husband so it's not like she has a gaggle of little ones reaching out for expensive ornaments.

It is strictly for best, and for guests. I don't know what would qualify as a guest as my husband has never been allowed in, he can only peer through the glass door Grin

Mychitchatdays · 24/08/2019 16:39

Growing up no one is as allowed in the front room. I think I was about 15 when we finally started using it.
My aunts house was the same too.
I always thought it was crazy as there were so many of us and that room was kept like a museum.

XXcstatic · 24/08/2019 16:40

Seriously, most posters would visit a sibling and be totally unfazed by not being 'good enough' to be allowed into a living room...to the point that it's locked against them?

Yeah, it's Mumsnet though - where people believe they are doing a massive favour by allowing you into their house, even if you're there to help them out. And don't even think about leaving the loo Grin

BlondeBumshelll · 24/08/2019 16:42

Oh I grew up with a family like this. Council estate massive family with a really run down home, kids in the scruffiest of clothes and parents not much better. They had a locked room that the Mum let us see once. Holy shit it was gorgeous!!

It did make me a bit uneasy when I thought about it later in life as I suspect that social services were involved with this family (in fact I'm almost certain they were) and wondered if this was where they took social workers etc as the rest of the house really was quite bad.

LillithsFamiliar · 24/08/2019 16:45

I don't think it's that unusual if you have two living spaces to have a family room and a 'posh' room. DH hates that I regularly sully the posh room with my presence Wink

BananasAreTheSourceOfEvil · 24/08/2019 16:46

XXstatic makes a good point about the loo.

If you want revenge you could just buy a potty and lock the bathroom, then tell her that guests aren’t allowed in the Good Toilet.

PillQuestioner · 24/08/2019 16:50

But if you were last there 2 years ago and then at Christmas, maybe she’s done it up/tidied up the mess in the last 9 months?

Otherwise it’s odd, but perhaps nice that she doesn’t see you as a visitor because you’re closer than that!

Lindormilk · 24/08/2019 16:50

Like a parlour then. YABU. If i had a spare room id have something like that too.

mossmurray · 24/08/2019 16:53

I'm the opposite, we have a "good" living room that we only use when guests are here as I know it will always be tidy if anyone pops in unexpectedly
We use the 2nd livingroom all the time cause it it cosier but always messier

ILearnedItFromABook · 24/08/2019 16:53

It was rude of her to refuse you entry into the room after your brother suggested moving there. Odd and awkward.

I like my privacy as much as the next person (I'm one of those who hate it when people turn up unannounced), but if my husband invited someone into practically any part of our home (especially a part that was tidy and presentable), I can't imagine telling him "no"-- definitely not in front of the person he'd invited!

Nat6999 · 24/08/2019 16:54

I was expecting something out of 50 shades of grey, the book, not the paint chart.

mossmurray · 24/08/2019 16:54

Ours isn't locked though

user1474894224 · 24/08/2019 16:56

Maybe she is germ phobic and doesn't want 'outside' clothes sitting on the sofa. Or maybe you are just really grubby and messy.

EllesBells123 · 24/08/2019 16:56

I personally think it's extremely prissy, but some people are extremely prissy so that's fine. I had a friend whose mum had a room we were never allowed in (we weren't kids, we were in our early twenties) I just found it a bit bizarre / hilarious. She liked to flaunt her wealth but clearly didn't have enough of it that she could afford to replace the carpets or furnishings so they just went unused. I didn't see her parents much but I got chatting to her dad once and told him where I worked and what my parents did for a living and even more bizarrely after that I was permitted to use the room...apparently I met the entry criteria.

Maybe you should ask what the entry criteria is OP? See if you can submit a new visa application to cross the border.

ILearnedItFromABook · 24/08/2019 17:00

...And while I do think it's a waste of space to have a room that's kept pristine just for company, to each their own way. However, I've never before heard of someone having a fancy ground-floor sitting room that was specifically forbidden to visitors!

That's unusual. Of course she's free to do what she wants with her home, but it seems like her husband probably isn't happy with the arrangement. I'd be embarrassed if my husband immediately and publicly squashed my suggestion that we move to another room.

Unless there's one heck of a backstory that explains why she wouldn't want you in her nice sitting room, she sounds weird.

Nomoremilk · 24/08/2019 17:01

Are you a smoker? My mil smokes and she smells horrible and it makes my sofa smell for days when she's sat on it.

nicenewdusters · 24/08/2019 17:11

I'm really surprised at how many people think the SIL is unremarkable in having her special locked room, that her own family don't qualify for entry to. I understand being neat and tidy (I am) and liking to keep things "nice". But in a standard home where you do have visitors, unless there's some underlying issue I think it's odd.

I think some people are giving the OP a hard time. She hasn't said she wants to take her slobbering dogs in to the room and lay on the cream sofa with her wellies on. Presumably sit on the sofa and chat, have a drink?

Foslady · 24/08/2019 17:12

Looking at the state of my home/furniture I’d love to have a sanctuary room....

StarEclipse · 24/08/2019 17:13

My parents have a living room that no one is allowed in except at christmas for a few hours.
13 years after it was furnished/decorated, you can still smell the 'new' leather of the couch!