Sister-in-Law’s locked room

[TerracottaDream]

A couple of years ago brother was let down by a babysitter so I volunteered. Niece and nephew went to bed I made a cup of tea and went to go in the front room but the room was locked. I realised that I had never been in that room and that evening was the first time I had been upstairs. No issues but when they came back sister-in-law hoped I had been comfortable. I mentioned the front room and she said visitors were not allowed in there. I imagined it was because it was messy. I made a little joke and forgot about it.
Been a few times since then. We always sit in the kitchen. Went over for lunch over Christmas holidays sat in kitchen (a very nice one with sofas) had a lovely meal and brother suggests we move into other room again SiL says guests aren’t allowed, again I make a little joke about being used to mess.
Today I texted to say I would drop off niece’s birthday present and leave it in porch but when I got there brother was in well we went in front room- it’s like something out of the bloody Ideal Home Show!!! She clearly didn’t want me and DH in there (even when our kids aren’t with us) !
I am really pissed off( yes I know it’s her fucking house!!!) my friend and I just met accidentally in Starbucks and she is pissing herself laughing at me. AIBU?

She can obviously do what she wants as its her home......but it's unusual. I know a couple of families like this. I don't know them well (I don't think we would have had much in common) but one had a locked room that their own children couldn't go in and the other had a room that only 'dad' was allowed in although it wasn't locked. 😬

Very odd that your DB has to ask permission and is then refused. Does she have OCD and needs a clean untouched room? Or maybe just controlling, sounds like it.

My grandparents (farmers) had the most beautiful front room, as kids we'd sneak the door open and gaze at the opulence. There was a velvet suite, royal blue carpet with plush sheepskin rugs, it was like royalty. I think because as farmers living in the kitchen they had this room for special occasions. It wasn't locked though but I was never in it :(

If you babysit again you know what to do. Press your bumhole to the keyhole and fart repeatedly through it, that’ll show your SIL what for.

I remember going to a neighbourhood party years ago and the husband saying no one could go in the front room as only his DC were allowed in there and they were watching TV. The more rebellious guests all took their drinks and snax in there and watched TV with the DC.

What a snobby cow! What does she think your going to do in there? I know it's her house and all , but keeping the room locked is a bit drastic and laughing about it after. What a weirdo.

laughing about it after.

It was the OP’s friend that was laughing at her. Not the SIL.

Weird.

In 1910 - plausible, but even then not actually locked , surely, unless you had concerns about the clumsiness of the second under house maid and your better pieces of Sèvres.

I'm disappointed as well, I imagined a well equipped dungeon

What a snobby cow! What does she think your going to do in there? I know it's her house and all , but keeping the room locked is a bit drastic and laughing about it after. What a weirdo

Maybe the OPs kids are feral nothing snobby about wanting to keep your belongings clean and tidy. They have access to other rooms, what’s the actual problem here?

Where’s the OP slunk off to anyway??

But is the keyhole at bumhole height Pussy? Might op need a step stool?

Obligatory access all areas!

I used to have a posh room. It had white carpets and fancy sofas, a big TV, paintings and ornaments. I also had 3 under 8s who were not allowed in there on pain of death, except as an occasional treat to play board games or as an intimidating atmosphere for "having a word". It was just kept for guests and for when we had enough of the kids and needed to retreat somewhere safe from them. No food allowed and always kept neat and tidy.

These days its just a general living room. But it was good to have somewhere in the house that was always child/toy/mess free at the time.

I dont understand why you would have a posh room tho, and not allow visitors in there. Thats the point of a posh room - to show it off to visitors to make them think that the rest of your home is just as showy.

It is certainly the opposite of what my gran's generation did with their small terraced houses with one room set aside for when visitors came.

I sounds like what I imagine was the original withdrawing room.

My mum has a special room, as does my aunt and my granny did. They keep all the good China, Crystal etc they got for presents over the years. It's only opened up for if e.g. an old friend came over and kids wou ld never ever be allowed in. So probably 10/15 times in our lifetime. I see it as the emergency/everything's okay here (even if the rest of the house is falling apart.) E.g. the priest came in there when my dad was dying, my dad's long lost friend came in once, my mum's had the odd friend in. I wouldn't take offence, you're part of the family, a show doesn't need to be put on for you

Well DH and his friend have just returned from a car rally, oily and hot. They have plonked themselves down on my nice sofas. I would kill for a lovely locked room just for ME!

It is a very old fashioned attitude. I wouldn’t be pissed off as much as mildly amused/bemused.

I love that she keeps it locked! That is commitment.

I sort of have a room like that - our bedroom. It's always clean, uncluttered and ready to collapse into at a moment's notice.

The spare room is DP's patch. It's a combination of a recording studio and teenage boy's bedroom. I won't clean it, I rarely go into it and he has been known to ask me to bugger off and leave him alone from there - he wouldn't dream of doing that with any other part of the house or garden.

I also have a nice bathroom and an adequate one. I wish I could persuade DP to stick to the adequate one, as I get fed up of cleaning up contact lenses and packets and toilet roll inners along with splashes of shaving gel on the mirror. If he had his own bathroom, it wouldn't be my problem, but we only have one with a bath and the other only has a shower.

I'm not fussed about downstairs, as it's all open plan anyway. But if that's the only room she has that is hers and it's kept lovely and clean and no child or visitor can come in and ruin it, I understand.

Weird how so many people think they are entitled to have access to anywhere they want in someone's house just because they are related.
If you go into anyone's house you are a guest. You don't live there, so you are a guest .
People have a right to have something for themselves, even if it's a room.

This.

I wouldn’t be annoyed nor would it bother me not to be allowed in. Why would you even care?

OP chose to assume it was a messy room and then once she found out it wasn’t, she’s upset. Why do you need to be able to go into a room of a house that isn’t yours? I would dread having people over if I knew they walked around started exploring and opening shut doors because they felt they were entitled to.

I’ve known my sil for 7 years and I’ve never seen her upstairs and never have been interested because it’s none of my business. Even if I was given a tour, I would go wherever the homeowner wanted to chat.

I, myself, would be happy to have a room or wing (lottery win) just for me. My own little woman cave. I’d need a lock with the way my sons are.

Dont be offended. My ex’s mum had a ‘front room’ which he and I were only allowed in at Christmas. It was cold and the furniture was a shrine to the 1980s. Immaculate but old fashioned. I know that’s different from your SIL’s furniture but it’s up to her, don’t take the humph, it’s not important. She’s a bit old fashioned. Just laugh at that if it makes you feel better!

I feel like it's just a bit twatty but then you can't be that close so I'd just deal with it.

I'd quite like a room my dh, son and dogs weren't allowed in It would stay clean all the time.

I can see why you're offended. I wonder how your brother feels about not being allowed to have any say over a room in his house. Bloody weird to announce in front of guests that you aren't allowed in!

People can be weird about domestic stuff, as I'm continually encountering on here -- obsessive cleaners, hoarders, women who claim to be unable to 'sit down' in the evenings or open the door to a visitor unless the house is spotless, people who drag you on house tours of their dreary new extension, people who like completely empty work surfaces and keep even the kettle in a cupboard, the shriekiest people in the shoes on/off debate, people who display huge framed photos of their children posing in wooden boxes or the whole family frolicking in white shirts, or the current thread by the poster who is completely unable to grasp how people can not be upset by the 'chaos in the mug cupboard' caused by mismatched mugs.

I can't imagine taking it personally.

It always amazes me when people will trust someone with their child who they will not trust with their property.

My parents have a good room. The door is locked but the key is in the door. It's their sanctuary and they don't want the kids in there for fear of breaking all the little things they have. The lock it to keep the dogs out. The tv is massssssiiiivvvveee in it. So they use it very rarely to watch things. If they have the kids overnight they'll all watch a movie in it but it's not a room for everyone. They just want to keep it for themselves 😂 and that's fine! But yours is odd. My parents put their good Xmas tree with breakables in that room. But presents still go under that tree. 🤯 I'd have a good room if I had room for one