Sister-in-Law’s locked room

[TerracottaDream]

A couple of years ago brother was let down by a babysitter so I volunteered. Niece and nephew went to bed I made a cup of tea and went to go in the front room but the room was locked. I realised that I had never been in that room and that evening was the first time I had been upstairs. No issues but when they came back sister-in-law hoped I had been comfortable. I mentioned the front room and she said visitors were not allowed in there. I imagined it was because it was messy. I made a little joke and forgot about it.
Been a few times since then. We always sit in the kitchen. Went over for lunch over Christmas holidays sat in kitchen (a very nice one with sofas) had a lovely meal and brother suggests we move into other room again SiL says guests aren’t allowed, again I make a little joke about being used to mess.
Today I texted to say I would drop off niece’s birthday present and leave it in porch but when I got there brother was in well we went in front room- it’s like something out of the bloody Ideal Home Show!!! She clearly didn’t want me and DH in there (even when our kids aren’t with us) !
I am really pissed off( yes I know it’s her fucking house!!!) my friend and I just met accidentally in Starbucks and she is pissing herself laughing at me. AIBU?

I have no idea why I am so pissed off I just am.

I'm amazed at some of the responses here. Seriously, most posters would visit a sibling and be totally unfazed by not being 'good enough' to be allowed into a living room...to the point that it's locked against them? Really? I'd find it exceptionally weird, and yes, I'd be hurt or offended.

Very 1950s 😯

Don't sweat it...just feel sorry for her (and her poor family!!) being so governed by these strange rules 🤷‍♀️ And be really warm and hospitable when they come to yours, to model how to make guests feel welcomed into your home.

I’d be pissed off too. But I would wonder what about your sil’s background made her feel that way.

I thought you were going to say shes just been arrested after finding a body in it!.
My Mums parents had a front room for best, I only remembered going in it once or twice for very special occasions like a golden wedding anniversary. It had a really nice lime green suite in it. However disaster struck when the suite was ravaged by a moth and it got all holes in it. LOL.

You're pissed off because it's weird and rude.

When was little we had a room children were only allowed into [sometimes]

But were visting adult family also prohibited? I can appreciate the desire to keep a room clean and tidy for visitors but locking it and prohibiting visting adults as well just seems weird.

My parents back room is never used, like a show home and no one is allowed in it either, thou no lock on door. Kind of defeats the object really considering they never use it either!!! Nothing strange as family

“But were visting adult family also prohibited?”

No, sorry. I think that’s really wierd. I was just reminiscing.

Make sure she knows you've been in there.

But were visting adult family also prohibited? I can appreciate the desire to keep a room clean and tidy for visitors but locking it and prohibiting visting adults as well just seems weird.

I don’t think so. It’s a sanctuary, a private space. It’s unusual but I don’t think it’s weird.

I was just reminiscing

I do remember my DGM's parlour being rather like that description but we were allowed in to play the piano or when visiting with adults. If it was just us kids we lurked mostly in the kitchen being fed on cake

Like your friend, I'd be laughing my head off, but at SIL, not you!

You’re pissed off because she has deemed you and DH not worthy enough of a visit in the guest room.

I bet it’s reserved for people she thinks of as worthy.

YANBU, I would be annoyed if I wasn’t allowed in someone’s nice guest room without kids (unless it really was just for their family which I highly doubt).

I don't think it's that uncommon, friend of mine years ago have one of these "show room", it wasn't locked but shut. I only saw it because her DS went in there and he wasn't suppose to, we only ever sit in the kitchen, small guest room with only couple of sofas and garden.

I think she doesn't want anyone to "ruin" her show room, hardly get invite from her. She prefers to "pop over" to ours instead.

"... and brother suggests we move into other room again SiL says guests aren’t allowed"
That is downright weird. Once upon a time, if a room was being kept as 'best', it was FOR guest and not family! And to say that in front of guests - that's just rude! It's your brother's house too, if he wanted to take his sister and BIL in there, why should he not?

I would feel a little pissed off too. The implication that I'm not good enough, does she think I'll piss on the carpet like an untrained puppy?

I honestly didn't know people were so odd till I started reading mumsnet 😂

It sounds like it's basically like having a private suite upstairs that's just for her and her husband but they don't have that so they have it downstairs instead. It's unusual, but quite a good idea frankly. Presumably they don't allow their kids in their either and if they started allowing anyone else other than themselves in that would be harder to sustain.

Plotting my own private room now ☺️☺️

When I grew up (I'm mid 40s) we had a parlour that was kept for best we were only allowed in there on high days and Sunday afternoons. We did, however, have other reception rooms. Pissed off is an over reaction when you had sofas elsewhere and were comfortable.

OP you say you don't know why you are pissed off.
Is it because you are being treated like a guest and not part of the family?
Or because you think she thinks you are not good enough to be in her best room?
Or because you think she is not being a good host by making you sit in the less nice room?

I would love a front room just for me. It would be beautiful (off I go to Pinterest).

We have two reception rooms but I want one just for me!

My nanny had a Sunday room. It was a proper treat. We loved it. It wasn’t anything special to look at but the drama made it exciting.

Yep it’s unreasonable for her in her own house to do what she wants and with what room! I can see the appeal of a room to relax in with no children’s toys, visitors etc

'Guests' don't babysit.
I'd charge her for the babysitting in return for your babysitting services.
See how she likes them apples......

My mum and dad have a front room. Growing up five of us would be squashed on a hard wooden cottage sofa and chairs in a small room and the front room would be saved for dads customers and the man from the prudential. Hilarious. The front room had plush sofas and a drinks cabinet and nice thick long curtains and was bigger too.

They are in their late eighties now and they still sit on the hard chairs in the little room and we only go in the front room on Christmas Day and Boxing Day!

I’d be pissed off too OP. I’d see it as SIL didn’t think I was good / important enough to let me sit in there.

Specially if my sibling had asked and been told no. Isn’t it his house too.

Then again, it reminds me of my PIL, who once tried to allow my eldest child into the good room and ban the other two. I rebelled that day....