Update: moved in with partner..he got fired and expects me to pay the bills..

[Beachball32]

Hi all,

I posted last week and got some brilliant advice- it’s certainly made me see things in a different light.

Basically, I moved in with my partner of 12 months three months ago. He has a rented council flat and I’ve made it a home (buying furniture etc). He got fired because of his attitude/sick days a couple of weeks ago and is now stony broke. He’s had a few jobs since I met him but he’s quit or been fired..he refuses to work past 5pm and thinks we shouldn’t have to work at all as it’s no life. He decided he wanted to do a course via the job centre so he can get a job earning more money but that has been cancelled. He has to wait for a couple of months to start it.
So he’s got no money whatsoever. I have just finalised a really long divorce battle and been given a settlement. I’ve got a lump sum but haven’t told him how much. The emotional trauma has hit me hard and I’ve taken some time to adjust. My partner has been really nice to me- supportive, cooking and waiting on me hand and foot. However he doesn’t seem to be looking for work. I’ve got enough money to start a new life...upping sticks and starting afresh somewhere (by the coast maybe)...either that or investing my money in this relationship (for example he has no carpets so I need to pay for them..he also wants a bigger expensive settee).
I feel under such financial pressure to provide for us- I’m tempted to take my money and run but am terrified of the unknown. AIBU to think he’s a sponger? He does everything for me (running baths, making me daily smoothies, keeping my coffee cup topped up) since my settlement but doesn’t have a penny so I’m paying for everything..

Maybe he is a nice guy, but that's not enough. He is lazy and shifty, several jobs in 12 months, why does he get fired? He isn't good enough for those jobs and he isn't good enough for you. He doesn't believe in work? He will go through every penny you have, and lay on his new sofa while you provide for him. Run.

Run for the hills. He sounds lazy. Not sure why you would start a relationship with a man with such a crap track record of employment.

Do you see yourself having children with this man? I hope not.

Well that is not what I would call an update at all it's the same thread but slightly different wording.

Reading your other thread and eventually thought that is wasn't actually real now this thread definitely do not believe it's real.

If it is real then you need to give your head a wobble cos you have not taken any advice given on previous thread as you're still with the useless twunt!

Oh love, you said yourself he's been really attentive to you 'since your settlement'.

Do you think that would continue if you weren't paying for his stuff?

There are two ways to find out.

One - you move away, tell him you're not paying for him any more but if he loves you then you can keep seeing each other.

Two - you stay, keep allowing him to sponge off you until your money runs out.

Both options will allow you to still be with him and still find out whether he actually loves you. But only one of those options leaves you with any money left at the end of it.

It is waaaayyyy too soon to be investing money in a relationship - I was in a very similar situation when I split with my first husband - got involved with a new guy (who did have a job) but as soon as he said 'could you lend me from your divorce settlement...' I was off like a shot. Just remember - you have the means to escape - if you lend him money you won't. PLEASE don't give him money.

Your threads are not consistent. You referred to past threads so it’s not unreasonable for people to look them up.

I don’t understand why you are posting?

What do you love about him apart from the fact that he’s been acting as your butler since he received your settlement?

OOPS what a Freudian slip there.

Since [b]you[b] received your settlement

Doubt the op will be back. What's the point? She's clearly not taking anything in.

Look forward to the next 'update' thread rehashing the same old shit.

So.... he lives in a house with no carpets & has no desire to get a job to fix the urgency of carpets ( yet or whenever that may be)

I would have pissed off ages ago OP

OP, l think you should stay with him, let him stay at home unemployed, you furnish the flat and pay for everything...

Then you can come back and make ANOTHER thread saying exactly the same thing...

How can you be so stupid?

Didn't your divorce teach you anything about what you want in a relationship?

You'll be one of those women in the newspapers pulling sad face when he has used up all your money...""but I thought he lurrrvvved me" whine whine.

It's also pretty poor form to start numerous threads asking the same question, taking advantage of the goodwill shown on here, and then fucking ignore it until the next thread, which will rehash the same old facts. Pathetic.

I'd probably also leave, BUT if the roles were reversed, everybody would flame the cruel selfish stingy man who isn't prepared to support his unemployed partner. It's interesting how men still aren't allowed to be 'spongers'.

I replied on your last thread. I said leave, you should definitely leave. He’s after your money sweetheart. I’m sorry to say.

You're right. You ARE a pathetic sap who doesn't deserve any better.

You may as well stay - if not this guy it will be some other joker taking advantage.

He is using you. I think you should dump him. If you dont want to do that then move out on your own and see how long the relationship lasts, thatll be all the true test of whether he is using you. Also start as you mean to go on...he clearly feels comfortable seeing you spend your money on him, if you stay with him thatll only continue. Dont mean to be rude but making you coffees is the least he can do.

This isn't an update at all. It's just more of the same shit about a loser who doesn't want to work and thinks you should fund his lifestyle.

In answer to your question yes he is a sponger and you should take your money and run. If you stay it won't end well at all. This waste of space does not love you. He only loves your money.

Just GO!!!!!

Go! Of course you should go and take any furniture you’ve bought with you.

I'd probably also leave, BUT if the roles were reversed, everybody would flame the cruel selfish stingy man who isn't prepared to support his unemployed partner

This just isn't true. If anyone, man OR woman, REFUSES to work but expects the partner to still find everything, I have never seen anyone on here saying "oh yes, keep refusing to work! He needs to pay for absolutely everything!". Ffs.

*fund

Why are you wasting everyone's time asking for more advice you aren't going to take?

I love him very much and am hoping those feelings are reciprocated

Why and why ?

On your previous thread OP I said you should dump the loser. I was wrong. You very obviously "luuurve" this tosser because he feeds your bonkers need for victim/martyr status that you probably wet yourself with excitement publicising on MN.
You go for it, girl. Carpet & furnish his council flat. Put your divorce settlement into his sole bank account. Transfer the house that you already own into his sole name. Take on a bit of part time cleaning work on top of your own full time job to give him a few more luxuries, cos you "luuuurve" him & it's the right thing to do.
And don't forget to keep coming back with all the updates, we're hanging on your every word here.

And you moved in with him knowing all this about him??

WTF were you playing at?

Of course you need to run and take your divorce settlement with you.

Honestly, I don't know how you can respect this man, let alone love him!

Reading the other threads, the OP has a pattern of posting a few times on page 1 and then disappearing.

I suspect she won't be back.