Update: moved in with partner..he got fired and expects me to pay the bills..

[Beachball32]

Hi all,

I posted last week and got some brilliant advice- it’s certainly made me see things in a different light.

Basically, I moved in with my partner of 12 months three months ago. He has a rented council flat and I’ve made it a home (buying furniture etc). He got fired because of his attitude/sick days a couple of weeks ago and is now stony broke. He’s had a few jobs since I met him but he’s quit or been fired..he refuses to work past 5pm and thinks we shouldn’t have to work at all as it’s no life. He decided he wanted to do a course via the job centre so he can get a job earning more money but that has been cancelled. He has to wait for a couple of months to start it.
So he’s got no money whatsoever. I have just finalised a really long divorce battle and been given a settlement. I’ve got a lump sum but haven’t told him how much. The emotional trauma has hit me hard and I’ve taken some time to adjust. My partner has been really nice to me- supportive, cooking and waiting on me hand and foot. However he doesn’t seem to be looking for work. I’ve got enough money to start a new life...upping sticks and starting afresh somewhere (by the coast maybe)...either that or investing my money in this relationship (for example he has no carpets so I need to pay for them..he also wants a bigger expensive settee).
I feel under such financial pressure to provide for us- I’m tempted to take my money and run but am terrified of the unknown. AIBU to think he’s a sponger? He does everything for me (running baths, making me daily smoothies, keeping my coffee cup topped up) since my settlement but doesn’t have a penny so I’m paying for everything..

I am guessing op wont come back
She never dies, until she starts the next thread.

OP, the money for those smoothies and coffees is coming from you, he isn't exactly breaking his back making the occasional drink for you.

Run for the hills, or the coast if you're so inclined, and leave the sponger to buy his own carpets.

Just stay with him OP - I honestly don't know why you keep asking for advise - it's obvious you're most probably going to stay with him.

‘He doesn’t see why he needs to work?’ This thread seems custom made to push MNers buttons.

Well, take any emotion out of it - he's basically acting as a personal servant to you, in order to get you to pay for everything.

Do you want to spend your money on a personal servant? If you look at how much the relationship is costing you, do you feel you're getting value for money?

I would think probably not. RUN.

Go and buy your own place. He needs the motivation to work again. Unfortunatley he cant do that with you as he feels financially secure. Relationships need to start off on an equal footing. It's not that right now. You can still casually date while you get your own place. Otherwise your savings will disappear with nothing to show for it.

OP do you have any other support you can really trust IRL? Friends, family? Please do talk to someone /come back on here, the last thing we want is for you to feel pushed back into his arms because sticking your head in the sand is 'easier' than facing reality that this man doesn't love you and will bleed you dry.

@Beachball32 Everyone is telling you to run because this man is bad news.

If you stay, then when (not if) your money runs out, you'll end up with nothing. No home, no relationship, no money. He'll be looking for the next meal ticket. And the money will run out far sooner than you think, given the expensive tastes he's showing.

Run, OP, and please don't look back. You can start a hundred threads about this freeloader and the answer will still be run.

Damn expensive smoothies, hot baths and coffee top ups.

As others have said though, you crack on OP, blow all your money, self respect and self esteem on this loser but don't come weeping and waling when it all, as it will, goes wrong and you are left alone, broke and homeless. You have been warned repeatedly.

So your still there OP? is this the same partner who spent all his money with his friends down the pub on cannabis and drink? And you decided you want sympathy all over again? How many times do you need to be told ? I thought on your last thread you had somewhere to go and live? Or is this just a case of bored and need some attention again? And I think you purposely stated he did nothing for you and now he does? I would stay where you are ....

He thinks he shouldn't have to work as its no life

You do realise that he is working and being paid handsomely for it.

He runs your bath, makes you drinks and smoothies and you are paying him probably thousands to do so.

When he isn't being paid anymore when your money has run out then the "work" will dry up and you will be replaced by someone who can pay him.

I love him very much and am hoping those feelings are reciprocated

You live with this guy and if you don't run for the hills are going to be spending all your settlement on him and you only hope your feelings are reciprocated.

Judging by your previous choices in men I would run for the hills and stop dating till you can find out why you are attracted to losers.

Or just find fun in something that doesn't involve having a bf.

If you want male company you can always buy it by the hour. It would definitely be cheaper.

At your age you have to be careful of your long term security there is no way of replenishing the settlement when it is gone.

You say you are terrified of being on your own. Move to the coast and get a dog. The alternative is when the money runs out you will be living on the streets. Councils don't give out flats to single 50+ women

You have to be realistic. At a certain age you have to be cynical about the reasons why a guy wants to be with you. It isn't for your youth and looks and the ability to raise a family. You have to look at what the other person is bringing to the table and decide if it is on par with what you are putting down.

Thousands in cash versus turning the taps on and off and making you a cup of coffee

Stop trying to save someone and save yourself

Is he still gambling too OP?

You've come out of a traumatic divorce to this chap? It sounds utterly grim. He sounds feckless and a user. It also sounds as if you have the makings for a new life with your divorce settlement. What ever you do, don't do that with him. How do you not deserve better?

I love him very much and am hoping those feelings are reciprocated

They aren't.

You're just the banker maybe with a bit of sex thrown in. You are expendable to him, this relationship will end when your money has gone.

Also if/when you leave him, please stay off the dating game for a while and take some time off to find your self respect. Don't settle for the first person who runs baths/makes smoothies/brews coffee for you. Lots of people do all those and more for their partners and don't expect to be a kept woman/man.

I am guessing op wont come back
She never does, until she starts the next thread.

Tedious and time wasting threads like this from the same poster continuously should be zapped by MN, there is just no point in them.

You could always go to Marmaris (Turkey) and find a skanky waiter who says he loves you and wants to marry you and come to the UK to live.

Seriously - why not?

It's just another way in which you can lose all your money and have nothing whatever to show for it.

RUN - run far and run fast. Change your number and your email anything he can contact you on if you don't you will be loured back in!

FFS OP, looking at your previous threads what is there to love about this man???

RUN.

Then run some more for good measure.

Gosh. If you're telling the truth, and I have to assume you are, you need to GET THE FUCK OUT OF THERE, NOW! While you still have some money.

my dad made my mum hr lunch and two cups of tea today.i m just trying to imagine if he said."now darling i wont be working anymore i assume that ok now"!

You need to get some self respect and a life. You could easily do both by leaving the arse wipe.

There is no point in continually starting threads saying the same thing if you can't get your act together and get on with your life.

Pull yourself together.

is this real? My dp makes me a cup of tea when he gets up in the morning - he holds down a full time job too. Give your head a wobble and get the hell out this knobhead's life

Actually I am wondering if this is real or just attention seeking twaddle.