Update: moved in with partner..he got fired and expects me to pay the bills..

[Beachball32]

Hi all,

I posted last week and got some brilliant advice- it’s certainly made me see things in a different light.

Basically, I moved in with my partner of 12 months three months ago. He has a rented council flat and I’ve made it a home (buying furniture etc). He got fired because of his attitude/sick days a couple of weeks ago and is now stony broke. He’s had a few jobs since I met him but he’s quit or been fired..he refuses to work past 5pm and thinks we shouldn’t have to work at all as it’s no life. He decided he wanted to do a course via the job centre so he can get a job earning more money but that has been cancelled. He has to wait for a couple of months to start it.
So he’s got no money whatsoever. I have just finalised a really long divorce battle and been given a settlement. I’ve got a lump sum but haven’t told him how much. The emotional trauma has hit me hard and I’ve taken some time to adjust. My partner has been really nice to me- supportive, cooking and waiting on me hand and foot. However he doesn’t seem to be looking for work. I’ve got enough money to start a new life...upping sticks and starting afresh somewhere (by the coast maybe)...either that or investing my money in this relationship (for example he has no carpets so I need to pay for them..he also wants a bigger expensive settee).
I feel under such financial pressure to provide for us- I’m tempted to take my money and run but am terrified of the unknown. AIBU to think he’s a sponger? He does everything for me (running baths, making me daily smoothies, keeping my coffee cup topped up) since my settlement but doesn’t have a penny so I’m paying for everything..

He is a sponger for definite. You e just got out of a shit relationship you really don’t need to walk into another. He needs to stand on his own two feet (on his cold flooring) and get his priorities straight.

i don't understand why OP thought it would be a good idea to move in with him. She knew what he was like, yet thought, "Yeah, he's just the type of man I'm looking for. One just as bad as my ex husband. I really want a man who spends all my money, and who doesn't want to work. He sounds perfect!"

I’ve got a lovely pair of nikes, seriously, you can have-them, run far and fast. I know you love him. I had an ex like this, he never so much as got me a coffee. I adored him. In the end I was nothing but hurt, used, taken advantage of x

But I loooove hiimmmm....

Really? He's not a charity case. He's a lazy sponger who knows how to bide his time for madam bountiful to look after him.

Fucking hell, suddenly he's waiting on you hand and foot because you have a stack of cash coming? No coïncidence, that! Get the hell out of there ASAP.

Run, Run, Run. Don't look back. He sounds like a loser. 'Does not want to work as it is no life'. Huh one of life's entitled spongers there alright.

He is being nice to you right now, but what about when you stop paying for things.

What SophieSong says - Well, there's one way to figure out if they are reciprocated. Tell him he isn't getting any of your money. Tell him you want to live by yourself, but continue to see him. But no money. No paying for his rent, for food, for bills, for new expensive furniture.

See how he reacts to that.

I think we all know how he'd react to that. Honestly OP if you decide to stay with this one you deserve everything you will inevitably get. At the end of the day (channelling David Beckham there for one horrible moment ) it's your choice if you chose to be a sucker/meal ticket and end up broke for a few hot baths and some coffee...

You’re going to waste all your money if you don’t leave now! Leave tomorrow OP!

Run @Beachball32 Run. Bounce all the way to the beach 🏖 Start the next wonderful chapter of your precious life!!!

Run. Change your number. Tell no one where you move to. Run.

Just fucking run.

You love him? Oh well, in that case you’d better stick with him; after all, it’s not like there are millions of other men out there who might love you back and have enough self-respect to get off their arses and go out to work so they can contribute towards making your shared space comfortable with sofas and carpets etc.

Give over, him conning you is one thing but conning yourself? Do you really think that this relationship is going anywhere once your money runs out?

Why don't you set up a home of your own and just date him? I can guarantee he'll show his true colours then!

Run girl run 🏃‍♀️

Tell him you have decided to invest your lump sum in a fixed term account for a year or so - meaning it can't be touched, or is you have enough buy a by to let. You can either actually do this or lie to him and tell him you have done so.
See what his reaction is.It will be telling.
If he's after your cash he'll be gone, or produce thousands of suggestions why that is a shit idea. Either way his true colours will be hanging off a flagpole clearly.

Personally, I'd be gone before he had any rights to your money.

Tell him the money has been held up and you wont get it for another year. Do not kit his flat out with stuff.
Youre being very foolish.

Move into your own place. Get yourself sorted and settled. Continue to see him if you want but don't become his mother or big sister. He's lazy and will be happy letting someone else do all the work.

Run. Put your money towards your own life, not covering his lazy arse. I think you know what you have to do.

Ffs.

My sister was in a relationship like this and got stuck - she was with him for about five years. He never did get the job he was always promising, he just relied on her financially. She kitted out his council flat. In the end he owed her thousands and thousands - she finally cut her losses and left. Within a month he'd found a decent job, and a further six months down the line he moved out of the creepy council house he'd refused to leave when with her. Get out now. You owe him nothing. He may end up owing you a lot.

@Beachball32 Posts then never comes back. Your either running like he'll out of your relationship, or trolling. Only time will tell.

Cancel your phone. Cancel / delete anything that he could use to follow you. Run. Very fast.

Run away ASAP!

Get rid. He is never going to change

Get out now. He'll spend your lump sum and then you'll be left with nothing, and your relationship will end. It will.

Run.

Run, I'm sorry but if you financially support him now, you always will. He won't find work or keep a job now if he hasn't managed to so far. You supporting him will give him the incentive not to bother. You could invest a lot of time, emotion & money to get fed & then want to leave but stuck as you've spent it on his home.

Take the money, restart & spend the money on a new place for you. Does he really show prospect? If you're asking here I think you know what's best for you to do.

Look after yourself you aren't responsible for him

He hates working, he gambles, he’s lazy, he uses weed, he’s using you - run, far and fast. What a useless lazy cocklodger.