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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Update: moved in with partner..he got fired and expects me to pay the bills..

312 replies

Beachball32 · 24/08/2019 12:30

Hi all,

I posted last week and got some brilliant advice- it’s certainly made me see things in a different light.

Basically, I moved in with my partner of 12 months three months ago. He has a rented council flat and I’ve made it a home (buying furniture etc). He got fired because of his attitude/sick days a couple of weeks ago and is now stony broke. He’s had a few jobs since I met him but he’s quit or been fired..he refuses to work past 5pm and thinks we shouldn’t have to work at all as it’s no life. He decided he wanted to do a course via the job centre so he can get a job earning more money but that has been cancelled. He has to wait for a couple of months to start it.
So he’s got no money whatsoever. I have just finalised a really long divorce battle and been given a settlement. I’ve got a lump sum but haven’t told him how much. The emotional trauma has hit me hard and I’ve taken some time to adjust. My partner has been really nice to me- supportive, cooking and waiting on me hand and foot. However he doesn’t seem to be looking for work. I’ve got enough money to start a new life...upping sticks and starting afresh somewhere (by the coast maybe)...either that or investing my money in this relationship (for example he has no carpets so I need to pay for them..he also wants a bigger expensive settee).
I feel under such financial pressure to provide for us- I’m tempted to take my money and run but am terrified of the unknown. AIBU to think he’s a sponger? He does everything for me (running baths, making me daily smoothies, keeping my coffee cup topped up) since my settlement but doesn’t have a penny so I’m paying for everything..

OP posts:
shiveringtimber · 24/08/2019 22:12

What's in this relationship for you, OP? This sounds like hell. Especially after a divorce. I agree with PP - run!

FairyDust92 · 24/08/2019 22:19

Oh no 😫
Don't spend a penny. He's a leech!

katkit · 24/08/2019 22:39

Run, before you get in deeper. I speak from experience. Leave!

EerieSilence · 24/08/2019 22:42

Run. Run faster. Run as fast as you can and don't turn around.

Chickychoccyegg · 24/08/2019 23:19

i actually feel a bit embarrassed for you that your still with this waste of space, still funding him to sit on his lazy, selfish arse, and I look forward to reading this story (again) in the take a break magazine once he's spent all your money and chucked you out, and all because he can turn on taps, and switch on the kettle and blender!
You're being used, move back to your own flat and stop funding this loser, and i really hope your lack of update means your busy packing (you wont be though).

shiveringtimber · 24/08/2019 23:25

@Chickychoccyegg Go easy!HmmNo need to be abusive.

gamerchick · 24/08/2019 23:32

Abusive? Hmm

It's right though. It's shit or get off the pot time. He KNOWS the OP is getting money soon, he's SAID he doesn't think he should work. There's no bell more louder than that.

summersherewishiwasnt · 24/08/2019 23:34

Make a list of all the things he is good at.. that won’t take long.
Im not convinced your gigalo is value for money.

Batcrazymum3 · 24/08/2019 23:40

Did you not post in April that you just met a new lovely man but were weary but now your saying you have been with this guy for a year? I'm confused 🤔

gamerchick · 24/08/2019 23:46

Did you not post in April that you just met a new lovely man

Been with him 8 months?

Weed smoker as well. Only a complete mug would take on a stoner anyway.

flyingspaghettimonster · 25/08/2019 00:13

If you love him, but you want to know if it is real, leave. Leave a note telling him you love him, but you have one failed relationship and don't want to be a doormat. If he wants to.make it work he needs to find a proper job and understand that you want a man with some motivation to achieve something with his life. There is more to life than watching daytime telly and sitting around a council flat.

If he loves yooy for real, he will do something to prove it. If you are mostly about cofortable lifezryle and no hassle sex, he won't shift hilmself and you will be better off starting over.

Good luck. I am sure your confidence has taken a beating lately, and you feel vulnerable. But you can do this and you can be trupy happy. It has to be about you now though.

ThomasShelbysBunnet · 25/08/2019 00:17

JESUS FUCKING CHRIST.

LEAVE THE CUNT.

GIVE YOURSELF A DECENT SHOT AT LIFE.

Sorry for the shouty capitals, but FFS

Batcrazymum3 · 25/08/2019 00:32

@gamerchick there were 2 posts in April. Think this one might be at it. Always posting then never returning

AloneLonelyLoner · 25/08/2019 07:30

My pal had a 49k settlement. It was gone within the year on household tat and a boyfriend who then dumped her. Sad.

Don't be my pal.

Raindancer411 · 25/08/2019 07:38

I personally would start again. You may love him now but down the line in this same behaviour continues, ask yourself if you could live with it? I would end up bitter in the long run and made to feel like it was all on me to do everything.

Cecilandsnail · 25/08/2019 08:15

Is his name dirty John?! Don't be a fool. Or do. It's your life to fuck up as you wish.

Jayaywhynot · 25/08/2019 08:16

Just read your previous post, hes 38, lives in a council flat, is allergic to working, never had a long term girlfriend, sounds like hes winning at life! Along comes you, is willing to kit out his flat and support him, no wonder hes topping up your coffee! You know what the future holds, you'll end up spending / wasting your settlement, living in his home, where he can kick you out at any time. In the end you could end up skint and homeless. I'd run too. However, if you love him so much, stick to your plan of buying somewhere and take him with you on the proviso that he gets a job and pays his way. Staying in the situation as it is, you know how it could end that's why you're asking for advice. Be smart, protect yourself

Oliversmumsarmy · 25/08/2019 09:49

I have issues about people preparing me food as a favour.

I would be wondering what he is putting in those smoothies that makes it impossible for you to have the wherewithal to see him for what he is.

Ellie56 · 25/08/2019 09:52

OP OP are you still there?

Hmm
UndomesticHousewife · 25/08/2019 10:34

What do you hope to get from these posts? You've been told the same thing over and over again.
Sadly I have a feeling that you'll be back on here in a year or whatever, after he's spent all your money.

GrandmaSteglitszch · 25/08/2019 10:38

OP, do you have a bet on with someone to see how many posts a thread can get, after you've left it?

everyonecaneffoff · 25/08/2019 10:43

OP OP are you still there?

No because she's probably name-changed and started yet another thread which will end up being 11 pages long and she never leaves the bastard.

LetsGoMile · 25/08/2019 10:47

Be kind to yourself OP and move on with your life. Don’t waste your money on this guy. Have some time alone for a while instead of jumping into another relationship.

wildcherries · 25/08/2019 12:32

OP, do you have a bet on with someone to see how many posts a thread can get, after you've left it?

I've wondered this as well. I hope not, but it so weird that nothing seems to register with the OP.

NurseButtercup · 25/08/2019 12:40

He’s had a few jobs since I met him but he’s quit or been fired..he refuses to work past 5pm and thinks we shouldn’t have to work at all as it’s no life.

investing my money in this relationship (for example he has no carpets so I need to pay for them..he also wants a bigger expensive settee)

He does everything for me since my settlement but doesn’t have a penny so I’m paying for everything..

what advice would you give to a friend who told you this???