Madness to do it, or mean not to???

[hidinginthetoiletagain]

Sorry, this is more of a WWYD than I AIBU...

It's my PILs 50th wedding anniversary next week and as they don't like big parties my BIL is having a small family BBQ at his house on the Sunday (he and his partner live round the corner from PiL). We didn't get a huge amount of notice about this from BIL and PIL didn't mention it at all as they assumed we wouldn't be able to come...

We have a 1.5 year old and a 3.5 year old and it is around 2.5 hour drive to their house. My husband has 2 jobs and will have worked a full day on the Saturday, plus 10pm-3am on the Sunday.

He insists that he will be 'fine' to drive etc. but I know I will be really anxious about it and so would end up having to drive both ways myself.

He will be back at work on the Monday (leaving at 07.15 in the morning) so we can't stay over and would have to do it in a day. At a pinch we probably had just about enough notice for him to have tried to book the Monday off but he didn't and now its definitely too late. In fairness it would have been all 4 of us in 1 small bedroom at his parents and I would probably have lost my mind...

BIL and his partner have a 6 month old that I am yet to meet and that my husband and children have only met once. I am obviously very keen for a cuddle!!

Should we go???

Go on !!

You think?? I am sooooooo in 2 minds.... I'd feel really bad if we don't go and I'd really like to see everyone and meet the baby and I know my PIL would be really chuffed...

But, I feel bad that my kids will be in the car for at least 5 hours (and to be totally honest Sunday is usually the only day I get any toddler respite as my husband works such long hours the rest of the week)

Yh go for it, you’ll be knackered but if you think it’s worth it, you’ll all soon recover

Go!
My Mum (approaching 70) drives to visit us, 2.5 hrs away, for a day visit. Dad cant be left overnight, so it's a 5 hr round trip, or us always visiting them, which has it's own complications.

If your dh is working til 3 on the Sunday, what time will you arrive at the bbq? It'll be getting on for 6, then you'll have to leave about 9ish to get back so your dh can have a few hours sleep before work on Monday. I certainly wouldn't be dragging my 2 young dc across country for 5 hours for a 3 hour party.

Sorry hairydogs my OP wasn't very clear. He'll be working all day on the Saturday and then going back out to work at 10pm on the Saturday until 3am on the Sunday morning (so realistically probably not in bed asleep till 4amish). This means that I'll have to get up with the kids and get them ready, pack everything we need etc. We'll have to leave at 10ish, so he'll probably only get 5 hours sleep (and will have worked 14 of the previous 24 hours) so I will also have to do most of the driving/toddler wrangling etc.

We'll probably stay till 5/6ish I'd imagine as the kids will almost certainly sleep on the way home and then won't want to go to bed for a least a couple of hours once we get back...

As a one off I would do it. Yes it will be hard but it is manageable.

I wouldn't. It will mean your DC will have to sit in the car for most of the day. Go and see them another day when you can leave earlier in the morning and come back later so you are at least getting to spend most of the day there and the kids can sleep on the way home.

Sorry hiding, your op was clear, i just didn't read it properly
I still don't think i'd be too keen on going, but if your dh really wants to, then i would suck it up. 2.5 hours drive is doable. Then you'll have a break before doing it again. Perhaps he can do the first hour of each drive? I think if i did that for him, I'd want him to do a half day of childcare so i could have time to myself on his next day off. I think when the dc are small it's all about compromise.

If you drive your DH could even get a bit more sleep in the car? Maybe not on the way there but on the way back when your DC are likely to be tired and sleep too

My husband does want to and to be fair on him he's a pretty undemanding fellow on the whole . I'm mildly annoyed with him that he didn't at least try and get the Saturday night off, but we're both knackered and brain dead, so I can't be too cross! I worry about him over doing it. He was 47 last week and I don't know how he does the late nights to be honest!

Bring your kids pjs and have them ready for bed so you can just transfer them straight to bed maybe? And a nice quiet journey home especially if they have been outside playing all afternoon....

Why can’t you drive both ways yourself? Or are you working as well as looking after the kids?
I’d just have an easy Saturday and rest/sleep when the kids rest/sleep and drive there and back and let husband snooze in the car. It’s a one off.

I would go!

I didn't mean that to sound horribly ageist... I just mean he works 50+ hours on his 'day job' and then 2 10-3 nights on top... I haven't been able to stay up that late since my early 30s

Why is there an assumption the man must drive and therefore if the woman drives she needs a half day off at another time?
For God’s sake. Just drive.

Definitely go! That’s a doable amount of driving. Have fun!

I'd do it - I think it is important to make the effort for these occasions - you never know what's round the corner, and it is good to make memories now.

Quite separately - does your dh have to work those hours ? Obviously I have no idea what he does, but that sounds quite dangerous. Certainly unhealthy on anything other than a 'one off' basis.

why I can drive both ways, it'll just be very tiring and I'm probably being a bit wet! Maybe my children are unusual, but I never know what on earth people mean by a 'quiet' day with 2+ kids???

whywhy, my point was that the op will be doing pretty much all the child/toddler wrangling for this day to facilitate her dh's wish to go to the bbq. I think it would be fair if the op got a bit of time for herself to do something she'd like. Nothing to do with half a day off 'cos she drove a car.

Sorry X-post why, I don't think there's any 'sexist assumption' that the man must drive... More that you would generally share the driving on such occasions, but I wouldn't feel that was necessarily safe after he's had such a late night. Like I say, maybe I'm a bit wet, but I will certainly find 5 hours of driving plus a day with my in-laws and wrangling my crazy children very tiring. I'm not going into work on Monday, but actually if I was it would probably be more restful than what I will be doing... I think the pp was more suggesting that I might get a half-day off at a later date as Sunday is usually the only day I get any time to myself...

I think I would sit this one out. Stay home and arrange to go another time.

i agree its totally doable. it will be a long tiring day but fun. if you go I would definately aim to get the kids ready for bed and pop them in the car nearer 7pm and then aim to put them straight to bed when you get back.

backforgood he has been doing those hours for around 20 years... I worry about it quite a lot, but it makes a pretty big contribution to our family finances and it's something he loves doing... Its a tough one.

Aw, seems I'm in the minority but I wouldn't go. Or, I would beg, borrow or steal that day off for your DH so you can at least stay over.

No chance he can pull a sickie?