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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Madness to do it, or mean not to???

177 replies

hidinginthetoiletagain · 23/08/2019 21:03

Sorry, this is more of a WWYD than I AIBU...

It's my PILs 50th wedding anniversary next week and as they don't like big parties my BIL is having a small family BBQ at his house on the Sunday (he and his partner live round the corner from PiL). We didn't get a huge amount of notice about this from BIL and PIL didn't mention it at all as they assumed we wouldn't be able to come...

We have a 1.5 year old and a 3.5 year old and it is around 2.5 hour drive to their house. My husband has 2 jobs and will have worked a full day on the Saturday, plus 10pm-3am on the Sunday.

He insists that he will be 'fine' to drive etc. but I know I will be really anxious about it and so would end up having to drive both ways myself.

He will be back at work on the Monday (leaving at 07.15 in the morning) so we can't stay over and would have to do it in a day. At a pinch we probably had just about enough notice for him to have tried to book the Monday off but he didn't and now its definitely too late. In fairness it would have been all 4 of us in 1 small bedroom at his parents and I would probably have lost my mind...

BIL and his partner have a 6 month old that I am yet to meet and that my husband and children have only met once. I am obviously very keen for a cuddle!!

Should we go???

OP posts:
StCharlotte · 23/08/2019 22:15

It's a golden wedding. A genuine "once-in-a-lifetime" thing. It's never going to happen again. For the sake of one disrupted weekend, you should go.

youarenotkiddingme · 23/08/2019 22:39

I would do it. But leave at kids bedtime.
Put them in PJs before you leave and just transfer them.

Can DH sleep in car too?

Tonnerre · 23/08/2019 22:44

Is there any way you can do some or all of the journey by train?

Idontwanttotalk · 23/08/2019 22:44

I would go. It's their 50th wedding anniversary for goodness sake. Your DH obviously wants to go and is happy to drive so why not let him? Your anxiety shouldn't dictate whether he drives or not.

So you have to get up with the kids and get them ready and sort out what you need for the day. It isn't rocket science.

Sometimes when you don't want to go to something or think you won't enjoy it, you can have a wonderful time. Just go and enjoy it.

negomi90 · 23/08/2019 22:53

Do it (with the kids if you have to) but if you can find a babysitter so you don't have to deal with them in the car and hyper from the drive at the bbq, that would be my first choice.

nancy75 · 23/08/2019 22:58

I see someone has already suggested this but just to ask again - is there a train? Even if not the whole journey drive for a bit & train for a bit?

BalanchineBallet · 23/08/2019 23:02

I’d go without a shadow of a doubt.

I’d also leave at bedtime; wash hands and faces etc. And put on their PJs. Then drive home, and if they wake when you transfer a bit of warm milk and a cuddle always sorted mine out.

A long day playing with family will have them nicely tired out. I’d also go for a walk or play in the garden in the morning before you set off,

Have a lovely time :)

SailorJake · 23/08/2019 23:03

I drive six hours each way for one of my kids hobbies...in one day. If he says he can do it, he can do it xx

Hmmmbop · 23/08/2019 23:06

Of course you should go.

We frequently do a similar distance/ length journey in a day to see PIL. We also have 2 small children. Just factor in stops as well.

Drum2018 · 23/08/2019 23:10

I wouldn't. It's too much to have kids in the car for a 5 hour round trip with not much time in between. Could you invite the inlaws to yours for a weekend soon and bring them out for Sunday lunch to celebrate their anniversary?

Drum2018 · 23/08/2019 23:16

Sorry misread 3am as 3pm on the sunday. So he'll have a few hours sleep. You can leave around 11 giving plenty of time to get there for lunchtime. Then leave again around 6 so Dh can get a decent night sleep before work on Monday.

regularbutpanickingabit · 23/08/2019 23:18

I can see why you are not relishing the idea but this is one of those suck-it-up moments to be honest, especially if your in laws are as nice as the sound and are t hounding you about it!!

I’d get everything ready the night before. Pack pjs, toothbrushes etc. Get your dh out of bed at the last min possible. You drive there. Hopefully your dh will doze for some of the journey.

Enjoy the day, let the kids run feral and take any offer if help!

Make sure the kids are fed, clean and ready for bed before you leave. Leave at bed time and decide which if you is ok to drive.

Honestly, it will be fine.

MujosMama · 23/08/2019 23:20

I would do it, but then to me this isn't all that unusual. We live 3 hours from my parents and I do the drive with my 2 year old about once a month. I'd do what you suggested and leave at 9-10ish, stop for a break/stock the kids up with snacks and drinks/loo halfway, then get there for lunchtime and leave around 5. Your hubby can sleep in the car - we've definitely done that on christmases in the past when my DP was coming off nights. I do agree it will be hard to keep them from napping on the way home, but if they're at a family party hopefully they will be knackered enough to either stay asleep or go back to sleep when you get back? Or excited enough that they'll wait to sleep at least for a while on the way home. I'd be a bit grumpy with your PIL/BIL for not mentioning it sooner though!

RachelEllenR · 24/08/2019 00:01

I would definitely do it and not leave until bedtime in the hope children will transfer to their beds. It's a massive occasion!

TheDuchessofDukeStreet · 24/08/2019 00:13

I would say go, Op. A golden wedding is a lovely event. Last year we were planning my parents’ golden wedding but Dad died a month before the date. He was in his nineties so I’m at peace with that and don’t want to put a downer on things but just to stress that these occasions only come once. I would strongly urge your husband though either to cancel a shift or get a swap if at all possible. Hope it’s a lovely day for all.

flyingspaghettimonster · 24/08/2019 00:53

50th anniversary is a big one. Please go. It really is worth it.

Witchinaditch · 24/08/2019 06:22

Just go it’s just a one off and it seems the rewards outweigh the benefits.

Chitarra · 24/08/2019 06:25

I would go! Your DH wants to and I'm sure your PILs would be really touched.

KatherineJaneway · 24/08/2019 06:33

I wouldn't go. Far too much hassle for only a few hours. I'd book to see them in a few weekends time and stay at a local air b&b.

Esto · 24/08/2019 06:37

I would go but I would take pyjamas and milk etc for the wee ones and get them ready for bed at PIL, then leave there at 7/7.30pm so they are good and shattered.

Quiet drive home with an audiobook on for you guys and then transfer the wee ones to bed.

Would that work?

Snowflake9 · 24/08/2019 06:41

My DH works from 6:30am + 9:30 7 days a week. I think if your DH says he wants to go and is happy to drive, stop pandering and telling him he won't be ok to drive. He obviously wants to go And is willing to be a bit tired as a sacrifice.

When the kids are in bed on Saturday night, get everything ready for the car journey. Snacks, blankets , PJ's etc. If you leave at 6:30 pm you'll be home by 9. Your husband tucked up and asleep by 10 at the latest ready for work the next day.

It's really not that big of a deal and his parents will be delighted you made the effort.

Dieu · 24/08/2019 06:41

Sounds like you really don't want to go ...
I'd do it, but you're overthinking it massively, and being a bit controlling.
I don't think you'll regret going at all.

notacooldad · 24/08/2019 06:48

For a one occasion like this, of course I would.
Sure, it's a long day and the kids will be in the car a lot but it wont kill them
It's not like your doing this every week.

Frenchfancy · 24/08/2019 06:48

Go. I guarantee you will regret it if you don't. It is a once in a lifetime event, and your family won't be around forever.
Dvds for the kids in the car. Plenty of coffee and absolutely no alcohol for the one driving.

Di11y · 24/08/2019 06:49

in your shoes I'd do it. leave after lunch for kids and come home at 7.30 having done the bedtime routine. we'd always be able to transfer straight to bed.

obviously your kids might be different.

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